need some advice.......

[blondy24]

I've been with the same guy on and off for 6 years. I met him when I was 18, we broke up a few times over the years but it was never for long-a month was the longest. We've lived together for awhile too, basically done everything you can think of but marriage.

this past month he's been acting really strange and I keep catching him in lies all the time. He'll tell me he's home and going to sleep and when in reality hes not even home.

last night he we had plans and he broke them off because he said he wasnt feeling good and was going to go to bed (this was at 7:00 on a friday). for some reason I just did NOT believe him, sometihng told me he was lying. So I drove out to his house and of course, he wasn't even there!! yeah sick in bed my A*S. I called and he wouldnt pick up the phone so I sent him a message confronting him about it and he turned off his phone the rest of the night. This is not like him and I cant tell you how sh*tty it feels to have someone you love lie to your face like that and feel absolutely no remorse over it. I dont have actual proof that he's cheating, but its a gut feeling I have...why the hell else would he lie and say hes going to sleep and doesnt feel good when in reality hes not even home??

I cant even tell you how horrible I felt last night after he did that. I barely slept, I was so upset. I had no idea where he was or who he was with but I think at this point the answer is obvious. The problem is I have no actual proof that he's doing this. It hurts so much to think that someone I've been with and loved for six years is possibly cheating on me. It drives me insane to think about it.

This morning he texted me at 11:00 and said he ende dup going out with his sister and her boyfriend...he must think I am an idiot to believe that. why else would he have turned his phone off and lied about being home? Why not just TELL me where he's going??? I mean if he was REALLY with his sister and her boyfriend last night why would he have turned off his phone and lied about it???? None of this is adding up at all. if he really was with her he would have invited me out like usual and he wouldnt have turned off his phone.

I just want to KNOW what is going on...if he's cheating I just want to get some proof of it. I need to know that this isnt all in my head. Part of me hopes it is all in my head...but my gut feeling is usually always right. its a really awful feeling.

ive been with him for so long now we've been through so much together-I HATE THIS!!!

this isnt the first time this lying about being at home has happened. its happened alot this month and I must be completely blind to not think anything is going on. I cant spend the rest of my life chasing after him and checking up on him and wondering if he's telling me the truth or not. its like once you catch someone in a lie once you assume their going to do it again and the trust goes right out the window. this was NEVER a problem with us before in the 6 years we were together until now. I feel sick just thinking that he could be with someone else, it hurts like you wouldnt believe. its worse to think that when we do break up that he'll go off and be happy with some stupid b*tch and I'll be the one whose alone.

I'm just looking for some advice because I dont know what to do. Its so easy for people to say walk away but I just cant until I know the truth. I have to know if he's cheating. the onyl real way to know would be to literally follow him but I cant bring myself to do that and id feel like a total psycho...thats not the level I want to get to.

maybe I am just being paranoid, but I dont think so though. I always think if you have to lie about something, then your doing something wrong......period.

Ive been really angry and depressed about this all day. six years going completely down the drain. I should probably just break it off with him and do myself a favor. I dont want to be with someone whose going to lie to me. theres no need for it.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

sometimes you just have to trust your gut... it sounds like at a minimum he is out partying with other people, and could possibly be cheating. And it is unacceptable if he is lying to you, and being disrespectful if he goes incognito for entire nights and won't even tell you what is going on (and comes up with an excuse later).

 

i don't believe in spying randomly on a partner, but if you have really good reason to believe he is cheating, you might try to find out more to protect yourself.

 

or you could break it off and tell him very clearly why, that he is lying, disappearing, and coming up with lame excuses. if he is innocent, he will certainly STOP doing these suspicious things if you confront him. just make sure you do it in person, and make yourself very clear as to why you are doing it.

 

if he really is cheating, you don't want him. lots of people will start to pull away and do this kind of thing when they are looking for a new person, becuase they like being in a steady relationship, and don't want to break up until they have someone else new firmly on the hook. don't wait around until he leaves you, do research to find out what you need to find out, then stay or go, based on what you find.

[treefrogkate]

Does it really matter if you get proof that he is cheating? Lying would be bad enough for me. There is no place for lying to hiding things in a relationship.

 

You need to at the very least have a talk with him, and basically say "Look, you lied to me about being home in bed. Why did you need to lie to me?" Tell him you find it unacceptable to be lied to, and that he needs to come clean about all of the things that didn't add up.

 

If he opens up to you, great. You can work on it from there. If he gets defensive, then there might be more to the story, and you'll have to decide whether it's worth dealing with more lies from this guy, or if you should think about finding someone who's not going to lie to you.