help! :(

[soaking_wet]

Okay so i've explained my story to every one of my friends and their advice didn't exactly solve anything... so i'm deciding to ask some experts...

Anyways, last week i was waitin for my ride outside of work when a couple of guys came over and asked for my number. Since i was in a hurry i gave it to them ... Me and one of those guys, lets call him bob, were staring at each other da whole time and i was attracted to him by his appearance. Anyway that night bob's friend who was with him called me and asked me out and all and i wasn't really interested, i asked him for bob's msn. Then i added bob to my msn and talked with him for like 2 days ...he was on his web cam and i fell soo deep for him in just a couple days... i told him that i thought he was really hot and i asked him what he thought of me and he said "ya i saw u looking at me and i thought u were really hot too" ..anyway on the third day after meeting he asked me if i wanted to just "chill" wid him and i said sure! thinking that this guy wanted to get to know me better and stuff... anyway we met up the next day and it all started out great...then he took me to the park and we just walked and talked and stuff and our conversation kept dieing!! we had nothing to talk about at all!! soo many awkward silences!!!!!!!! it was horrible! da worst day date EVER! ...then suddenly he's like "Okay so let's get to the point..do you like me?" and i'm like "umm...ya..i do.. how bout u?" and he's like "yeah i do, that's why I invited u here..." and then he started making out wid me out of no where and he started touching my breasts and stuff ...and i kind of got uncomfortable so i didn't really touch back or anything so he stopped...

Then his friend called and he started talking to his friend in some weird language and invited him to the park rite? When his friend arrived bob got a call from work and had to go in early so he just left me there with his friend!!!!

Here's where it gets worse.. his friend was totally hitting on me and trying to get with me!! and im like "ya i'm actually into bob" and he's like "did u tell him?" and im like "yeah i did.." and then he's like "then why did bob leave u here to hook up with me?" ..i was sooo damn confused and hurt

Then i texted bob and asked what was up and why he just left me with his friend and he's like "it's not gona work with me and you...so i tried to hook u up with my friend.." and im like "i thought u liked me.." and he's like "i do..as a friend..he likes u more..." and it hurt me sooo much even tho i didn't know the guy very well ... and i still feel rotten about it

Then i just walked home and never talked to bob again... he wanted to be good friends but i said no ...which i actually felt proud about...

Anyways, my point is that every single guy I go out with turns out bad! i go out with like 4 guys a month and they only last less than a week ... i don't know how to make a relationship last! ... every guy that i go out with i meet randomly when they come and ask for my number... how else can I meet better guys who actually want to know me for me and actually make it last? what am i doing wrong?!

[Diablo7000]

i feel your pain, it's like what am i doing wrong also, i meet these girls and i'm not a jerk like the rest of the man, but i talk on the phone and then idk, everything just dies off and they don't wanna talk anymore.. what do i have to do to get a good girl...

[Dako]

That's not a relationship, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

Bob treated you like a piece of meat, and tossed you to his friend.

Why on Earth would you want this tawdry mess to last longer?

 

If you want to meet decent guys, start with guys who don't see you as a quick hookup, and want to get into your head, not your pants.

[lovelyc]

Think of personality and not sooo much into looks...looks alone will get you into loads of trouble...also dont fall for guys so soon..i mean 2 days of talking on the phone...c'mon now..people (Dont want to be sexist and say guys) will tell you everything you want to hear esp in 2 days..I think you fell for his appearance and then once you two actually met in person, he showed you who he really was (about sex and nonchalant about you)...get to know these guys before you start saying...Im sooo into him and he's the greatest thing..because chances are (w/looks alone) he wont be.Take your time and keep an eye open for red flags

[ghost69]

no substance here. it is easy to type on a computer than to get a conversation going in person. you are attracted physically, but nothing is mentally there.

[JadedStar]

These two guys wanted nothing more than to get in your pants IMO. I would kick them both to the curb. Before I read past where you said these two guys approached you and asked you for your number I smelled trouble. A guy who really likes a girl and would like to properly date her normally does not go up to her with another guy to ask for a number.

 

Bob clearly took you to the park because he is so immature that he construes "liking" somebody as being synonymous with having sex with them, and when he saw he wasn't getting very far he tagged teamed you off to his buddy to see if he could get further than he did. The language you didn't understand was their guy speak for getting you in the sack so to speak.

 

They were totally using you for sex. I doubt either one of them had any real intentions of dating you. Please chalk this up to a lesson learned. This was not a date. Period. It was a meet up to hook up.

 

This is also a good lesson in going for more than jsut appearance. Of course someone must be physically attractive but I would not have started a convo with Bob the way you did. Telling him you thought he was really hot I am sure sent immature Bob some signals that he was going to get far past first base. Play it more casual than that in early conversations with guys you like. Try to NOT steer the conversation to talking about how hot you think someone is. Instead get to know them by asking about their non sexual interests so that they know you are more than just some chick to bag.

[Tony426]

Count your blessings...the guy sounds like an a-hole.

[JadedStar]

I hope your MSN screename isn't "soaking wet".

That surely didn't give the right impression to Bob if it was!!!!!!!!!!

[soaking_wet]

lol nah my msn name isn't soaking wet ...hahah but thanks for all the help people!

Next time i'll know to think smarter.

[Batya33]

That's not a relationship, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

Bob treated you like a piece of meat, and tossed you to his friend.

Why on Earth would you want this tawdry mess to last longer?

 

If you want to meet decent guys, start with guys who don't see you as a quick hookup, and want to get into your head, not your pants.

 

I agree -one tip is not to talk to a guy you don't know on line for two days particulary where he makes s_xual comments (or you do) if you are looking for a relationship rather than hooking up in the park. It's also probably a good idea not to imagine yoursef "in love" with a complete stranger so that you don't expect that a first date will have flowing conversation. Sounds like it was clear from the start what this man was interested in - he did not mislead you.

[tiredofvampires]

I hope your MSN screename isn't "soaking wet".

That surely didn't give the right impression to Bob if it was!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ha ha ha...that's funny. I agree totally with JadedStar's advice.

 

Not much to add here except that I would also try to get to know guys from places that you hang out more regularly so you can see what they are like over time and develop a friendship/relationship of some kind instead of just striking things up with only total strangers. This is risky in my opinion (and be sure you are safe -- going to a park with some guy you don't know at all who has said you are "hot" and you have given the green light to makes me very nervous. I'm glad he stopped pawing you when you resisted. Worse things could have ensued.) BE CAREFUL, take TIME to digest a new person, in a place where making out is not as easy an option (like a coffee shop, a bookstore, for lunch, etc.) It's good to have something to do, too, like if you go to a social event around town together, it will help ease into conversation over things that you are sharing in the moment.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine to meet someone anywhere as long as you are careful not to give the sort of impression the OP did - no IMing sexual innuendoes, meet in a public place for coffee during the day, etc. I know one terrific guy who met his wife in the cheese aisle of a gourmet market, a guy who met his wife on a commuter train, a woman who met her husband that way, and other examples. In this case I don't think it would have mattered if she met him through friends - she gave him the impression she wanted to hang out and hook up, not develop a friendship or potential relationship.

[soaking_wet]

first of all he's not a man ... he's a horny little boy. Let's just make that clear so people would stop calling this a**hole a "man."

And secondly, yes I made a million mistakes and finally learned my lesson. This isn't the first time that a guy has tried to get in my pants... I think I shouldn't tell the guy straight up that I think he's hot and that I like him when i don't even know him!! ...lmao I have no common sense.

And next time I go out with someone, before we go out i'm gonna make it clear to him that i'm looking for a relationship and not a one night stand. If he's okay with that then fine and if not then bye bye

[Batya33]

I don't think he did anything wrong - you gave him clear signals as to what you were interested in doing and he followed your lead. Obviously if he did something you didn't like and you said stop he should stop but I don't blame him for trying given how you behaved. I think it's fabulous that you learned so much from this!