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LemonCheesecak

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  1. LemonCheesecak
    I'm calling this Day 1 because she IM'd me last night. I was caught off guard, it was 2am and she's never usually online, yet alone up at 2am! Pleasant little chat, basically we were discussing how we're both getting fed up of the clubbing scene and her upcoming 21st birthday. I feel inspired right now. To write, create, express. Think I might just do that.
  2. LemonCheesecak
    Actually I am being quite good to myself tonight, this breakup has inspired me to do a lot more of my own cooking, so tonight I'm venturing into Japanese cuisine, that's an hours worth of entertainment right there. I couldn't manage this whole going out malarkey all the time, it'd end me, and I'm supposed to be a student. I do enjoy a good night in, provided there's decent entertainment/company.
  3. LemonCheesecak
    I think its mostly that "Friday Night" feeling and the fact nobody has really suggested anything so I'll most likely be having a night in. Just had an amusing IM conversation with my oldest friend and that's picked up my spirits a bit. Goal for the day: keep occupied, because its one of those days where if my mind wanders I'll be back to a place I haven't been all week!
  4. LemonCheesecak
    Feeling a bit rubbish right now. I've lost a friend.
  5. LemonCheesecak
    I suppose if I work on it too that'll help my "I'm not gay" case previously mentioned! And yeah, I know the paranoia. A few old friends who kinda drifted off have been back in touch with me recently, doesn't help being a naturally paranoid person. Also the majority of people in my age group are like that, however there seems to be a select bunch of us who have decided to distance ourselves from this whole enthusiasm thing and take every new day with a sense of skepticism. An inherent problem I'm also working on
  6. LemonCheesecak
    20 year olds talk rubbish eh? Veering pretty close towards my age group on that one But not to worry, I can definitely agree with you. Look at it this way, you attracted a younger girl. Just gotta keep trying, and feel good in the fact you've inspired me to make more of an effort. I have been replying to the texts. I guess its like you said, I don't want to give off that negative vibe. But its been very innocuous, basically replying out of politeness. If she asks me how I'm doing, I'll say I'm fine and ask her how she's getting on with her studies blablabla. I wouldn't panic though, our recent texts are only because I sent her one to inform her she was getting the ol' Bebo block. A few conversations developed from there, elapsed over about 3 days. Haven't heard from her since Tuesday and certainly hoping I don't.
  7. LemonCheesecak
    Vector fields I've heard enough, you're depressing me haha
  8. LemonCheesecak
    ToodlePip, you definitely seem to have a good grasp of your own situation. And as ever, NC sounds like the right approach. My ex has been texting me infrequently but like you said its not really 'friendship'. It all feels like forced chit chat. She suggested we meet up for a catch up coffee soon, I'll probably go NC until she suggests it again, I won't be the one to make a date for it. A bit of success is still success, you're already several steps ahead of me! Everyone has their bedroom disasters, even when they're in relationships. I can definitely see your confidence is improving, and will continue to. Soon enough your ex won't be getting a second thought.
  9. LemonCheesecak
    I can't imagine ever having the willpower to read a math textbook, I'm on an Engineering degree heavily based in complex mathematics and I've never so much as touched a book. My idea of hell! Saying that I am geeking up on my C++ with Stroustrup's "The C++ Programming Language". That's more out of necessity than actual leisure however, got to complete a pretty complex program by the end of the month. Anyway, I'm reading Burroughs' "Naked Lunch". It actually horrifies me at some parts. Such a strange, strange piece of work.
  10. LemonCheesecak
    Day X I can't remember what day it is, also she got in touch with me to wish me good luck in an exam (shame it was AFTER I'd sat the bloody thing) and I knew she had one too that day so I replied wishing her luck, probably counts as breaking NC but whatever. Not been on here in a few days. Been making the most of a new found sense of vitality! However this was thoroughly quashed today when I discovered my last few single friends have just become romantically involved. I'm fighting this battle alone now it seems. To add to matters I was out with mixed group of friends on Tuesday, got introduced to a load of new people...most of whom seemed under the impression I was gay. Granted I'd had a few too many and was joking about letting one of my female friends put eyeliner on me for a laugh but come on! I'm starting to see a pattern, one of my gay mates (in trying to cheer me up) told me I was an attractive guy and shouldn't have such a lack of self esteem. On the positive side, I'm starting to realise it's her friendship I'm missing now, not being in a relationship with her. Saying that, it'd be a great boost to get some attention from the fairer sex soon. The likelihood of that happening however, is slim.
  11. LemonCheesecak
    Day 2 I think after our brief chat yesterday I have a newfound admiration for my ex. She's kept to her word, and used this breakup as a chance to get more focused on her education, and I think that's very amicable. I certainly don't want to be a distraction, as I know she's gonna do fantastic and end up in a career she truly loves. That said there is a little bit at the back of my mind that's hoping she'll start to really miss me once this last batch of exams is out of the way. This is the girl I want to be with. I've not healed entirely, but I feel I've made good progress over these 2 months, and right now I feel comfortable saying 'One day, when she's ready, I would love to get back together'. Whether this opinion changes over the next few weeks/months, who knows? But today I know I'd do anything to be with her, and if that means spending time apart to work on ourselves, then so be it. And if not, well, at least I've tried to better myself
  12. LemonCheesecak
    Day 1 (ARRRRGH) Ok so that text initiated a full scale conversation. But I feel good. Not that I would recommend breaking NC to anyone here, I've had experience with it making me feel horrible. But it was nice to hear from her and be there to offer a bit of reassurance on her uni worries etc. We threw a few texts back and forth, kept it light and jokey and it was pretty good. I said it would be nice to catch up soon, and she agreed we should meet up over a cup of tea or something. I'd like to follow through on that. Not today, maybe not this week, but sometime soon.
  13. LemonCheesecak
    It likes to jump out and surprise you right when you think you're making improvement. But it's not a bad thing, its good to get it all out of your system. Even though I still miss her just as much as I did then, if not more, not a tear has been shed since Day 9 Working up the courage to do the aforementioned block. It really shows how dependent on these social networking platforms society have become when its such a BIG thing for me to block her on it! Also feel slightly unwell. Partied a bit too hard last night It is DONE, complete with a brief text to explain why. It's still Day 9, I'm not expecting a reply.
  14. LemonCheesecak
    The temptation to contact her, like the break up never happened, catch up and compliment her on her new look is just immense. But I'm only at Day 8, so I'm not gonna do that. It's not like I've deserved the right to. I am however considering blocking her on Bebo so I don't have to go through that pain again. I dunno though, its silly but its a BIG step for me. And if I did, I think I'd have to tell her why I was doing it, I don't want to hurt her at all. She's still very special to me.
  15. LemonCheesecak
  16. LemonCheesecak
    Harsh, she uploaded a new photo of herself on Bebo so of course I can see a preview on my homepage (I haven't deleted her, which has proven to be a mistake but I didn't want to cause a conflict). She's had a makeover and looks * * * * ing gorgeous. Hurts like hell.
  17. LemonCheesecak
    You have a very refreshing view on things. And I agree, it took a realisation from me to post my work here last night. While other people might not like what I've done, they will never truly get why I did it. That is something that has come from within me.
  18. LemonCheesecak
    I don't want to say I can truly relate because in a sense my woes are probably much more trivial, but I know the feeling. I'm not the most artistic person in the world (I'm a physics guy myself but in all I've gone through in the last 6 years or so, only creative expression seems to have any lasting effect.
  19. LemonCheesecak
    It certainly has a very ominous presence about it. It must have taken a lot of courage to revisit that place. Did you find it helped at all to put it down in words?
  20. LemonCheesecak
    Weekends are definitely the hardest. Too much time to think. My friends always seem to have prior arrangements at the weekends which leaves me on here. Quite amusing though, I never thought I'd hate the weekend coming round!
  21. LemonCheesecak
    I never go into that room, It smells dark and empty That bit gave me shivers!
  22. LemonCheesecak
    Day 7 Right, I'm angry. But its because today, for NO reason, I'm in a fantastic mood. I feel hyperactive, sociable, and just full of new vitality. The only positive thing to happen today however is a presentation I had to give, relief I suppose. Who knows. But it annoys me that I can flip between two extremes over the course of one night!
  23. LemonCheesecak
    This evening is going downhill. Peaked for a few days there, and now I sink into the inevitable pit of self loathing and despair. C'est la vie.
  24. LemonCheesecak
    While not remembering any actual names, yeah. But the important thing is you don't go into it with the intention of getting back together (I know its in Getting Back Together, its weird, but trust it), do it with the hope of improving yourself and healing. That way, if anything happens, you're a better person emotionally/mentally/physically/anything and it won't be doomed from the start. Getting back together, if it happens, is more like a bonus
  25. LemonCheesecak
    Day 6 Just feels like another day really. I had a dream about her last night however. She basically came round to mine, and just lay on my bed as if expecting me to take a hint, but any time I tried to lie with her she got angry and told me to get lost.
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