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LemonCheesecak

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  1. LemonCheesecak
    Its good to be able to joke. Without sounding like a complete **** I have pretty eclectic taste, right now its The Fall of Troy cheering me up, but I actually have that album and was addicted to it a few months ago. May be tempted to stick it on now. Would also recommend it for anyone into synthy-pop-rock and needing something to lift their spirits.
  2. LemonCheesecak
    Ex has just signed into Bebo, I only noticed cos it tells me she's online, haven't viewed her page, but I did notice my page views go up. Me 1-0 her. I'm staying strong, and sticking to NC. I'm in a lighthearted mood just now, stuck on some upbeat songs!
  3. LemonCheesecak
    That's quite a refreshing idea, not something I've ever thought of myself! I can definitely see how that would keep anyone distracted from their worries, and really come out of it feeling better having done a good deed.
  4. LemonCheesecak
    As you said yourself, you've got other priorities this week and you're certainly stronger than I am being able to set it aside and keep focused, and that I admire!
  5. LemonCheesecak
    Her work is quite bleak at the best of times I know, I would never let anyone do that to me, and nor would she want to do that to me! I respect her decisions in leaving me, but I think we could have come to some other sort of arrangement instead of putting a halt to something fantastic. I'm at university too, and not saying my course is harder but I'm 9-5 daily with frequent lab reports and projects due (got about 6 to hand in this month alone), I look to her as a release from it all lol. But as I said it just makes me feel uneasy. I think it's probably best if I spend a good long time on my own anyway, but this was just me trying to uplift my outlook on the future.
  6. LemonCheesecak
    Broke up with me but maintaining a "who knows what the future holds" look on things. Didn't think she had time anymore for a boyfriend due to University commitments, but still wanted to remain close friends. A summarised version here On an unrelated note, Ayn Rand does not make for good breakup reading!
  7. LemonCheesecak
    Day 3, Evening Managed to stay focused on finalising a piece of coursework I have due for tomorrow. Now that's out of the way I've been assessing my situation. There are 2 girls other than my ex who I would say I'm attracted to...but the thought of ever pursuing anything with either of them actually makes me feel sick and uneasy. Not in a nervous way, I just feel as if I'm doing something wrong. Yes yes I know, healing takes time, but I haven't experienced this with previous breakups. I think I just don't want to hurt my ex, because she has told me she'd be upset if I was to start chatting to other girls (not in a controlling or pressuring way, we were just being open about how things are). All I can do is sit here and sigh.
  8. LemonCheesecak
    Day 3 This is my longest consecutive block of 'down days', and getting worse each day. I just feel like I'm completely defenceless in this: nothing I can do to get her back, nothing I can do to get over her. I've realised all the 'healing' I thought I was doing was merely distractions from how I really still feel.
  9. LemonCheesecak
    Day 2 Up and down constantly now. 5 weeks broken up as of today, I can safely say looking back they have been the most horrible 5 weeks of my life. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I was at the local sports centre with a friend for a game of badminton earlier, that took my mind off her for an hour or so but apart from that she's just constantly there. This girl really did love me, and it tore her apart to break up with me. She just seems to be enjoying single life too much to miss me as I miss her. I'm happy for her, but I just wish that she could enjoy her life AND be with me. We were always pretty casual with each other, I gave her lots of space. But the point was we were always there at the end of a day, to chat, share our concerns and worries.
  10. LemonCheesecak
    Day 1 of Take 2 Its been a good day, did some course work, all the shopping I needed to catch up on, then went to catch Watchmen with a female friend of mine. But now I'm home, and I'm alone. And I've realised its been about 3 weeks since I last heard my ex's voice. And I'm struggling to remember how it sounds. It was by no means a beautiful voice, she was small, and screeched a bit, but that is just one of the things I love about her. I'm not going to contact her though. After exchanging texts with her yesterday, I've decided that if she felt the need to dump me, she doesn't deserve my words.
  11. LemonCheesecak
    Utterly ****
  12. LemonCheesecak
    And THIS is the reason I broke NC today. It was hardly an in depth conversation, merely a few texts of small talk that ended stopped at her end. But rules are rules, and I broke it.
  13. LemonCheesecak
    Day 6 Not in a good place, badly want to contact her. I know she's on her own all afternoon while her flatmates are at work and so it bugs me I haven't heard from her. I'm thinking about her constantly so surely she's thought about me. I get the feeling I'm gonna break NC today. This is hard. EDIT: I'm a complete idiot and weak. I sent a text, just asking how she was. I was kidding myself that it was ok to send it because I've accepted that we're not getting back together but there's still some emotion in there. Today's gonna be tough.
  14. LemonCheesecak
    I'm in the same boat as you, and although its hard I think you're doing the right thing by sticking to NC. Remember the rules of the challenge, breaking it rolls you back to day 1 essentially undoing all your hard work. I just read Majord's NC guide for the first time and its restored my faith in it, give that a look if you haven't already.
  15. LemonCheesecak
    Day 5 Right now I have the hangover of the apocalypse so that is getting all my attention at the minute. Last night was good, hardly thought about her at all and just enjoyed the gig I was at...a little too much as you can tell from the hangover. I may have also let slip to one of my friends my interest in a girl on my uni course but I think it was just assumed as drunk talk.
  16. LemonCheesecak
    Good choice! But back to the topic at hand, I've noticed I'm the same. And its good, even in the last few months of our relationship I never really had anything to be excited about, any events to look forward to or anything (mostly due to coursework stress). I think this could be a learning curve for whatever the future holds relationship wise. Next time, I'm sticking to the things I love to do!
  17. LemonCheesecak
    I hate the dreams. They're the reason I lost a good 2 weeks sleep, only just starting to recover it now! They weren't necessarily depressing, just unnerving. Day 4 Still in anger mode, but it's fine cos I've got a metal gig tonight I've been pretty excited about, I'll vent there. Will be good to get out with people and have a few drinks etc. Funny that I've really gotten back into my metal since the breakup...
  18. LemonCheesecak
    Day 3.5 (can I do that?) So far I'd managed a good 5 days or so not feeling depressed (I had angry streaks but those I can deal with) but something's hit me in the last hour or so. I'm just lost again. NC is wearing my resistances down, not being with her is too hard.
  19. LemonCheesecak
    You explained it better than I could have ever possibly wished in my current state of subdued anger: The sex in the city vision of love and relationships. That's exactly it. And like you, my ex's group of friends from back home (who I have worked with/been friends with myself, small town) were all people I genuinely liked and although most were in long term relationships, my ex had come out of one not that long ago so I don't suspect jealousy was her motive for getting with me. However since we moved to this city for Uni, she met the girl who she's now living with, and who then introduced her to the usual suspects: Sarah Jessica Parkers, Kim Catrells, other ones whos names I do not care to know (for the record, her friends of a similar nature, not show) I agree, its a suspicious culture
  20. LemonCheesecak
    I won't lie, it angers me quite a bit that people are so susceptible to pressure like that, but I guess that's just because I've always been one to follow my heart. I'd like to say I'm an intelligent, sensible individual, but I've never let anyone influence important matters in my life without a serious assessment by myself. This friend was the reason I got dumped about a year ago (albeit for a week before she admitted her mistake). Although she swears she's doing what SHE wants this time, I'm guessing she's having an easier time with this break up because of her. GAH! It's horrible, because I get the impression, like my ex, yours isn't that kind of person, and I don't like to think of them falling into that kind of social behavior.
  21. LemonCheesecak
    Day 3 Although its technically a week since we've spoken. I'm still looking at this as some sort of little game to see who'll crack under pressure first: not a helpful approach in healing at all, but I can't help it. I just refuse to believe two and a half years of being so close and seeming perfect for each other can just wash away after a month of being "apart". My feelings are still as strong as they were when we broke up, but I'm learning to ignore that part of me a lot more now. My only thought is that the girl she lives with is helping her keep her distance from me. This girl has always been more fond of going out looking for an easy one night stand than anything romantic and I suspect its down to her bitterness from failed relationships. I know for a fact she's never liked me, because she was jealous that I was taking her flatmate away from her (despite the fact she met her after we started dating). Rant over.
  22. LemonCheesecak
    Day 2 Much easier day today, mainly because I was kept busy with my uni course and managed to sneak a few lunchtime beers in with a friend. Heading out with a couple of the guys tonight for some pool and beer, it could go either way. I'll either maintain my happy state or end up in a bad mood with all the in-your-face couple action going on.
  23. LemonCheesecak
    I guess I'm finally signing up then...broken up for a full month, tried giving her space to win her back and have essentially given up, decided that that ship has sailed and its time to move on. It sucks absolute BALLS. 4 days of NC so far, rolling back the counter to 1 for this challenge. In a really angry place right now. Don't know what/who at. It's not her, she still means everything to me. It's not myself cos I know our whole time together I almost always made an effort to please her and that the breakup was not because of anything I'd done/become. I think its probably the whole situation in general. I'd cut myself off from the whole relationship/dating world if it wasn't for the fact I enjoy it so much, I like building bonds and trust with people, and that my friends are, on the whole, completely useless and self absorbed.
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