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whatthehell

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  1. whatthehell
  2. whatthehell
    Well she's called me 3 times since Monday but I haven't answered yet. This is beginning to feel like game playing. I know this little bit wasn't enough to change her mind, but what could she possibly say to me now? I thought this was what she wanted? She called and left me a voicemail on monday saying the email made her cry, and she was going to call me later that night. I emailed her back: Hey I got your message today. Thank God you're finally getting your classroom setup. Honestly we don't need to speak tonight, you just focus on getting yourself together. My last email pretty much said everything, and you have made it clear how you feel. Take care. She called twice again last night, once on my cell, and left a message at my home number. I'm afraid of the "final" call, you know? A part of me still wants her back. The only recourse if I do speak with her is to stick to what I wrote in the email. Help
  3. whatthehell
    Thanks helo. this was a long time coming. If she has anything to say to me at all, I don't expect it for a long while. i just feel so much better since I know i put a stop to the charades. It's the finality of it all that is killing me, and the thought that perhaps she didn't care at all. Any way I'm starting on that road back up today. I'll be sure to post when i feel weak. I'm not going back just to get hurt again.
  4. whatthehell
    no one huh? wow
  5. whatthehell
    up so you all can see the above. i am counting on the enotalone rallying team to tell me this is the best move no matter what....
  6. whatthehell
    Great post RD.
  7. whatthehell
    Here is the letter I sent. Dear P_____, I'm taking this time to let you know I was thinking about some stuff. First of all I just want you to know that I'm OK. I accept the fact that the two of us want different things, and this whole time you tried to be as honest as possible without intentionally hurting me. You know precisely how I feel about you, and I know that the relationship and the bond that we shared was real and very deep at a certain point. I got frustrated because I wanted things to get back to that point, but I know they can't. I also know your heart is being pulled in different directions, and what you're going through has nothing to do with me. So I'm finally backing off. I've had my share of relationship drama and life lessons that made me make certain decisions. Right before I met you, I was just rediscovering my passion for life and reconnecting with my friends, music, art, god, etc. Before that I was in a deep depression and I was not happy. I want to be happy and I'm going to be. I know you don't need permission from me because you are a strong woman, I encourage you to be happy too, whatever that takes. Take care. J __________________________________ No response was received, but i know she opened it. I don't know what hell of NC awaits but I need this forum now. Thanks
  8. whatthehell
    An update: If you have read this far then you knwo i was waiting for a call from her regarding this weekend. That call never came. My mom called her for a separate reason on Thursday night (to reinstate her invitation to NY). My Mom has no idea we've been having these problems. Either way she did not return my mom's call. I had no idea whether her parents were back in town yet so that she couold finally find out when she would be able to fly out here. I had to stoop to a level that let me know I should just leave this girl alone. I bought a caller ID spoof card (it disguises the number that shows up on their caller ID to whatever number you wish) yeah, yeah, i know.... Any way I called her from my cell, left her a message after the machine picked up. Then I called using the spoof card creating a fake chicago number, she immediately picked up the phone. I hung up without saying anything. I repeated the process, calling from my cell which she knows the number, she lets the answering machine pick. Right after that, I called again with the spoof card using a different chicago area code and a completely random phone number. A number she doesn't even recognize, and she picks right up. I just hung up. . I sent her my goodbye email today, since she wants to ignore my calls. I'll post it below.
  9. whatthehell
    Hang in there my friend. I did the same finally today.
  10. whatthehell
    riverdog, Getting back to what I was in the first place has been my struggle as well, but she's blinded by her feelings (so am I), to even see any changes. Or perhaps she's given up and is slowly trying to ween herself away to be nice. Even harder when you deal wirth a LDR. I like what you said about having all sorts of stuff will be going on. In my case that will be a full schedule of things to keep me occupied. A good friend of mine is coming back from a trip to Peru in a few days. We flirt all the time, but I always kept a certain distance because of my ex. Not anymore. Then there's this younger girl. I'll call next week as you suggest. It's the scarcity, as well as the legendary sense of separation the dumper feels from the dumpee. Almost like telepathy. Anything other than this merry go round.
  11. whatthehell
    Hey Riverdog, I've been reading your posts from time to time. One that hit home for me was your recent one regarding the law of scarcity. When you truly move on, your value increases. You're right. I can juggle. I called the other girl at work (guess she felt safer giving me that number, whatever). Someone else answered, she's already left for the day, but will be back tomorrow. I didn't leave my name or a message. It's the moments in between activity that are the hardest.
  12. whatthehell
    The only reason I'd be sending the email would be to get a reaction, and she may not even react, much less the way I want her to. I'm calling the other chick. * * * * all this pain.
  13. whatthehell
    drninja, I've tried before and couldn't get the words out at all.
  14. whatthehell
    bumped up so this doesn't dissappear. I would love the insight of you all. Please let me know about this letter. Thx
  15. whatthehell
    Should I send this email then? I've been pretty much silent this whole summer about how I have been feeling. With you not keeping in touch with me the way you used to, I was able to think a few things through. I don't want to settle for brief contact that only makes you feel better in case I'm hurting from what you're doing. You should have been concerned for my feelings four months ago. The truth is that I want you in my life as my woman, girl, partner, whatever you want to call it. Nothing else will do. I am not trying to become a friend that you call once in a while until you eventually stop calling me all together. That's called a slow death. I want you. Period. No confusion, no doubt. You act as if I can't "get the hint" about what you're going through. The last time I saw you, you expressed your need for space, and the VERY NEXT DAY you introduced me as your boyfriend to two different people. Do you know how frustrating it is to know that you are hurting and at the same time you're pushing and pulling? It's not fair to me. If you truly don't want me in your life P------, then let this die. Stop calling. Because my natural reaction is to be there for you, no matter what. And what usually happens when you're done spilling your guts, is that you disappear. How about my hurt? What about my pain and sleepless nights? Do you have time to sit and listen to that? I will always own up to whatever mistakes I made with us, but I know that I have done nothing to deserve this. So if you want to work things out, reach out to me. Otherwise, there's nothing left to say. Take care of yourself. __________________ Feedback please
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