johnnynz

Oh yes things were steaming hot, so much sexual energy there! Honestly I was tired, so maybe that was why. Dunno It's just that it's now happened two or three times with different women and I'm starting to get worried that I'm never going to be able to keep it up again!!! Guess not using a condom would fix it. This never happened with my ex gf..

Tried this (fingered her) and while I think she enjoyed it same thing happened - all ready to go then the moment I go to get the condom and put it on I'm down again. Really annoying!!!!!! I wasn't even consciously nervous either. Any more tips anyone can give? Is there something wrong with me?

Just thought I'd give you guys an update on what's happened. She more or less decided for both of us that it's better we're apart. Which, to be perfectly honest, is probably the truth. I spoke to her a few weeks ago but since then I've messaged her and she hasn't replied. I'm guessing she's either hooked up with some guy or wants to just be on her own. Either way I don't really want to talk to her right now either so I'm just going to leave it. Hopefully we can be friends at some point. I now realise that my longing to be friends with her is somewhat misguided - I don't want to be friends with her, I want to be in a relationship with her, and somehow I thought friends was the next best thing. Well, it really isn't. Disappointing, yes. Over for good now? Yes. For the best, maybe.

Man. Sounds almost identical to my situation, except we got 'back together' mostly due to my insistence. I showed her I'd changed, perhaps not in some of the ways she wants however. I can tell you now if she called me and said things were all good I'd be there speeding over too!! Maybe not after reading your words though! I somewhat feel these events are messing me up too, making me expect less in my next relationship, or just settling for not much affection at all. Something to think about. Still haven't talked to her since yesterday.

How do you mean 'equating my love to my pain'? Do you mean I'm equating the pain I'm feeling to the love I say I feel? That somehow I think that the more pain I feel the more love I'm supposed to give? That I'm putting myself through all this crap in the hope things will return to normal? I get the feeling I should just do that, show her the door, if she comes back knocking then it was meant to be. Thanks for your continuing input dude, it's been really helpful.

Arranged to meet her for a coffee today but she cancelled. She said needs space right now. She says she gets down when she's with me. Can't really see this turning out many positive ways but I'll give her the space she wants. Anything less and I wouldn't really love her as I tell her I do. Disappointed.

I sent her a text message about 7 hours ago. No response. I think you're right in that she's either busy or doesn't want to talk. I feel it's a bit immature not to respond though. Am I right? Am I being clingy by expecting a reply? She's asked me not to call her as it 'makes her feel anxious'. So i'm not going to but still, surely she has time to reply to a text message? I've no doubt my clinginess (I never used to be like this, dunno why I am now) is an obstacle. Trying to get around this.. I've quite clearly told her what I want. No doubt about that. Pure torture. That's all well and good to say but I don't know what stage we're at right now. Am I supposed to see other people? She doesn't seem at all very willing to talk or see me.

I just sent her a message before but will wait until she contacts me. I hate games.

Hmm, I think this is the wisest thing anyone has ever said to me. I never used to be like this eh - only started when I could see she wasn't into us any longer (before we broke up). Thanks for the wise words!!

Thanks dude. The thing is I was needy when we broke up, I was clinging on to whatever I could find and procrastinated much over breaking up with her (we were living together at the time). I've resolved never to do this again as it wasn't fair on her. Do I seem insecure now?

1. Does your ex RESPECT you as a person? Sometimes I feel she does, then other times, not at all. 2. Do YOU respect her as a person? I feel I do. I'm doing as you said, putting her on a pedestal. 3. Do you and your ex have a genuine friendship? I'd like to think we do but I don't think we do. 4. Does your ex feel PASSIONATE about you? I don't think so. Aside from the sex which we haven't had for 2 weeks, she doesn't seem to have the umm, willingness to make things work. She's said at times she doesn't think a relationship should be this hard. 5. Do YOU feel passionate about about her? Definitely - I've no doubt about that. I'd go to the ends of the earth for her. I think I have all the answers I need and now just need to act on them. It's just so hard accepting that it may all be coming to a close though. We were so happy in our relationship for a long time (before, of 3.5 years), sometimes I wish things were to just stay the same. I hate dating!

Thanks for your thoughts. I do see a future for us but the way she appears to be treating me I don't see any hope, as I know all too well it takes two to make things work. Maybe subconsciously I'm just waiting for her to fall in love with me fully again so I can break her heart like she broke mine so dearly. I don't feel this consciously as I do love her but maybe. I'm a bit messed up as you may be able to tell. Why are relationships so damn hard? I feel as though I'm clinging on to any remaining hope I see left for a life together with her. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

I don't think we have even begun to work through the issues that caused us to part. We haven't really spoken about it at all to be honest. I would've thought that we should have, but haven't bought it up because I didn't really want to rock the boat, so to speak. I was just happy to 'have her back'. I'm feeling more and more like I'm just the backup plan, despite her telling me sometimes she loves me. It's such a mind * * * * sometimes.

My ex dumped me nearly a year ago now and we 'got back together' (notice the quotes) about 1.5 months ago. She well and truly broke my heart into a million pieces when we broke up, I was a wreck. She dated some other guy for a few months, we kept in casual contact and then somewhat mutually decided to give things another go not long ago. It was all good at first, we went out lots together again, I was happy. However there was still a sign of lingering doubt from her. I really do love her to bits, and want nothing more than things to work out for us. I want to have a family and settle down with her, but to be completely honest I can't see things working, as she doesn't seem in to it in the least. She tells me she loves me one week then the next doesn't seem to care even for my friendship. Whenever I push for any sort of commitment she runs away claiming I'm smothering her or that she's 'not sure', or that she still 'wants to take things slowly'. I don't think this is in the least fair on me, and really want an answer whether she wants us or not. The main reason we broke up in the first place was because neither of us could be bothered putting in the effort required to maintain the relationship, so as a result, it withered away and died. We argued daily, got on each others nerves (moreso me on hers than her on mine) and generally didn't get on. We get on so much better now but I can see things declining again, in full due to her unwillingness to put in the effort required (yet again) to make things work. Nothing I do seems to be good enough for her. I'm not really sure what to do. She really doesn't seem in to it and has so many doubts about us. When things are going well, she makes me so happy. But then when things are going badly, I get really anxious and she makes me so unhappy. Is she the one? I'm starting to get the feeling she's not good for me - or we're not good for each other. It's just so hard to accept, since I really do love her. I think I can truly say that I've put my heart and soul into making it work this second time around, and have no regrets. I might get hurt more if we part ways again but I reckon at least I won't be saying 'I wish I'd done this/that'. Is the answer clear or should I keep fighting for what I love?

I'm in a similar situation myself. My ex dumped me nearly a year ago now and we 'got back together' (notice the quotes) about 1.5 months ago. She well and truly broke my heart into a million pieces when we broke up, I was a wreck. She dated some other guy for a few months, we kept in casual contact and then somewhat mutually decided to give things another go not long ago. It was all good at first, we went out lots together again, I was happy. However there was still a sign of lingering doubt from her. I really do love her to bits, and want nothing more than things to work out for us. I want to have a family and settle down with her, but to be completely honest I can't see things working, as she doesn't seem in to it in the least. She tells me she loves me one week then the next doesn't seem to care even for my friendship. Getting back with an ex is a hard road from what I've seen. You both need to be 600% committed to it. For me and mine, the main reason we broke up in the first place was because neither of us could be bothered putting in the effort required to maintain the relationship, so as a result, it withered away and died. The only advice I can offer you is be sure within you it's what you want. Some things aren't meant to be, however much you want them.

My ex and I broke up about 9 months ago, after 3 1/2 years. We just weren't getting on after moving in together, constant arguing, etc. I don't think either of could be bothered putting in any effort so as you'd expect the relationship fell apart and I ended up being told one day that was the end of us. Sure, it wasn't half unexpected, but still hurt a lot. In that time she's dated a few people, I've tried dating a few (all have turned out less than promising). We've kept in semi-casual contact and recently (past month or two) started seeing each other more often. She has now got rid of the guy she was seeing (apparently he wasn't boyfriend material) and we've somewhat decided to try things again. I'm for this, I love her to bits, but the word from her camp is far less straightforward. She is dead keen on taking things slowly, maintaining her own space, and for the moment, only wants to see me every two weeks or so. My questions are well; a) Is it too much of me to expect starting from a 'clean-slate'? b) Now that we're back together, is me expecting to see her more than every fortnight too much? I do love her, but really don't know how to proceed. I'd like things to work between us but she doesn't really seem a ready as before for commitment once again. Unsure what to do, how to act..

I think that's what I was doing - albeit subconsciously; being her friend trying to get her back. I was the nicest * * * *ing ever to her, and she still treated me like * * * *. Oh well. Moving on!! She broke up with me.. sure some things aren't meant to be, we argued a lot, but surely a friendship isn't too much to ask? We seemed to be getting on so well as friends? Maybe she has some maturing to do, I dunno.

Indeed. At least from my POV that's what has happened - she hasn't said or done anything to the contrary. I was just there for her, 120%, when she was lonely or depressed. I then got attached again =( I try to stop caring but it's just not who I am. I would've thought after being together 3 1/2 years, sharing that amount of time together she'd have been different too, at least wanting to be friends. Apparently not. Oh well. Thanks for the advice.

My ex and I broke up just over 6 months ago. We kept seeing each other infrequently for the first two months, then had a break for a month of no contact (her call), then we were good friends again (she was feeling lonely and I felt sorry for her) for about a month, now she's seeing someone else and doesn't appear to care for a friendship, or to see me at all. I'm left feeling a bit empty now. Is this usual? She says she's the happiest she's been in a long time, spending all her time with this new guy, and doesn't seem to care for any sort of friendship - will she ever? Should I even care? We were together for 3 1/2 years. Any advice much appreciated.

So after some more months a bit more has happened. The short of it being, after not talking at all for a month (over which time I'd actually stopped thinking about her daily) she got in contact again, said she was depressed and lonely. I felt sorry for her so saw her the following Saturday (I was sort-of seeing someone else at the time). I cared about her and felt sorry she was sad, and wanted to be there for her (this was a mistake). We started talking every second day and hanging out every weekend, and started sleeping together again. I got rid of the girl I was seeing as she was a bit controlling, and I really wanted to be there for my ex (silly me). I got attached again (second mistake). She obviously doesn't really care as she's recently met someone and is back on the 'I need space/we can't hang out anymore' train. We were getting on really well for about a month there before she started seeing this guy - now I'm in the backseat again. I'm fed up with being what appears to be a doormat to be honest. Do you think she realises what she's doing? I'd rather be on good terms than bad but she really doesn't seem to care much at all. I would've thought the time we'd spent together (nearly 3 1/2 years) would've meant something still. Does it usually? It seems as though she has no respect for me, which makes me so angry, I've been so nice to her recently. I now see what you mean by if I stay in her life as a friend, I'll see her meeting other people etc, and I'm not really sure whether I can deal with that yet. She obviously doesn't really care about me in any capacity (other than perhaps an acquaintance) so I'm just going to leave it. It's gutting because we've been getting on so well recently. Hopefully I'll meet someone else as caring and thoughtful as her one day..

You mean, for example, orally?

I've just met this fantastic hot girl and right after I put the condom on, I go limp. I admit I'm hella nervous and anxious that I'm going to cum before her or something. It's so embarrasing and I don't know what to say!! What should I do? I've been in long term relationships before with no problem..

The whole story is here - in another thread. Basically we'd been seeing each other on and off since we broke up. 3 weeks ago after probably a bit of hassling from me she said she didn't want any more contact for a while so she could get over things/heal. I'm feel so much guilt - things I should've done that I didn't, things that I could've done differently. She still means the world to me and I feel as though I'd be lifeless without her friendship, now that our relationship is no longer (it really wasn't working so we're better apart - I'm just asking for her friendship). This hurts/confuses me as I was confident things were going well as friends. Not really sure where to go from here.. I'm worried that if we don't talk occasionally, she's going to forget about me and we're never going to talk again, or if we do, it's going to be weird (she's blocked me on MSN).

A bit closer to getting over her but still a long way to go I think about things daily - things I miss etc. I don't want to get back together but I guess I just miss the good times we spent together. Coming out of a 3 1/2 year relationship, life is so much different. I don't really know where to start, sorta feel my life has no direction now. Guess I'm still young though!! haha

It now seems this is the stage I'm at. She now doesn't want any contact at all (after appearing to be ok with the casual call etc). Perhaps distance for now is the best thing.. hope so, as I'd really hate to lose her as a friend too.