My ex partner and I broke up about a month ago.. we were together for 3 1/2 years, she was my first love. She broke it off (neither of us were really happy at all living together, arguments daily), I could see it coming months off but you can never really prepare for things like this. While we were together, in the months leading up to moving out, I admit I was much too dependant on her, emotionally. I kept telling her I loved her (which I did) but which I'd get no reply to. I was obviously too insecure and this no doubt had some part in the demise of the relationship.
Initially as we had to sort out stuff relating to the place we had together (lived there for 6 or so months) we kept in contact. I was mostly a writeoff the whole time - couldn't stop thinking about her, couldn't accept the fact it was over. I was fine for a day or so after we met up (3 or so times during the first 2 weeks) then went back to being depressed and feeling hopeless. A week or so ago after I called her, she told me she'd have my number blocked if I called again. Didn't sleep much at all that night. I ended up not contacting her again for a week or so. She then called me and I went over and we shared a coffee, talked for a bit. It went really well, or so I thought. No bickering, she was really nice, I told her I'd missed her and she told me she'd missed me too. Went out for lunch then I dropped her off at home. I left feeling really good that she was happy and that she apparently wanted to be friends, which I was really pining for. She said to still not contact her and that we'd meet up again in a couple of weeks. Am I just being young and dumb?
All good. I was content with that. I came to the realisation that I'm still young (24) and that I really need to experience other people in order to gain some perspective of what I want in a partner. She felt the same and we agreed that if we meet again in a couple of years when we're older it might work out better. I agreed.
There's a party on Saturday - I find out from a friend she doesn't want to come if I'm there. I'm a bit confused, as I thought we were friends. I sent her an email with some stuff yesterday which she's read but hasn't replied to. I'm worried I've pissed her off again and that she'll not want to meet up in the future.
What should I do? She's the only person I've ever been able to confide everything in, known her for 3 1/2 years and she's always been there for me, as I've been there for her. I've accepted the breakup, so that's not the issue. What I really want right now is her friendship. Is a month too soon to expect friendship? Should I hold off contacting her again and wait for her to contact me? She's the most caring and loving person I've met, and I don't want to lose her friendship. I still care about her so much - she knows this but doesn't seem to care. Ideally I'd like to be the friend I wasn't while we were together - making up for the times when I was mean or grumpy towards her. Am I being a complete retard? The word dignity comes to mind but I feel so much guilt for what I did to make the relationship fail it doesn't seem to apply to me.
Confused man needs help!
(unsure if this is in the right forum - perhaps it'd be better in the Breakups forum!)