Kenobe

Thanks. I don't know if my situation is QUITE that bad, but it's an issue. Maybe because I was married for 12 years to a woman who was very quiet and gentle. I miss her! But, that's another post...

I think a movie is one of the WORST places you can go on a first date; there's no interaction or conversation; just staring at a screen. Better to discover what her interests are and go from there. Art? A do-it-yourself pottery place. Music? A concert or live music venue is always good. A free jazz concert in a park? Better yet. Go for unique and if possible, more than just one or two places. The more, the better. Movement and change of scenery will do wonders. Good luck!

Is this a common problem? I've been dating a lady for almost 3 years now, and for the most part, things are good, except... She never shuts up! It's beginning to get on my nerves; I once mentioned that I wish she would stop talking long enough to have a conversation with me. She laughed and kept on talking. Her day in minute detail. What Sue told Jack about Mary at work. A movie she saw, a dream she had, her ex, her ex-job, her ex-cat, you name it. On and on it goes, oblivious to the fact that we're not having a conversation; I'm just listening to a monologue. It's a touchy subject; my attempts to address this have met with, "I'm sorry you find me so boring!" or "You're not interested in what I have to say!" (I am, but in moderation, please!) We've talked about marriage, but I don't know if I can listen to her yakking for the rest of my life. I love good conversation, but this involves a balance between talking and listening. That's just not happening. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

If it's of any consolation, I know what you're going through. My wife of 12 years left me 3 years ago (met someone on line) and it still hurts to this day. I still have "relapses" from the memories but you know, the pain gets less all the time. The questions never seem to completely go away...what went wrong? what could I have done differently? But you know, it's not your fault. The one thing we can't control in this world is the actions of others. Like others have said, just hang in there; looking forward is a lot harder than looking back, but worth it in the end.

Believe me, I know how you feel. After 12 years of (so I thought) happy marriage, the woman I loved left me. It's been 3 years and I still think about her every day. After a while, you really do move on. You don't cry quite as much, but the tears are still there inside. You meet someone else, but it's never quite the same. And, like with any other loss, you get up every morning, put one foot in front of the other, and make your way into an uncertain future. It may take years. You may never have all the answers. All you have is you, and if you're lucky, good friends and family (and maybe Prosac). Like the web site says, you're not alone.