bcmb55

Here's an update on my situation. I was hoping some one could decode it for me. Here's the background info on the situation: So finals came around and she started talking to me more an more, asking to hang out, even slept over one night (nothing happened). We had a talk about what was going on and I basically told her how I felt. I told her I still have feelings for her and I liked that we were getting back into the swing of things and was curious to see where the summer could take us if given the chance. She said she liked it too, but (of course) she tells me she doesn't know what she is looking for in a guy right now and can't make a commitment to me because she's not sure if it's 100% what she wants. She went on to say she wants to take the time to find her heart about me and wouldn't want to jump into something on an impulse and realize later that she'd made a mistake and go through a break up again. She said she's not going to ask me to wait and that it was my option to see if things would work. Granted this isn't what I wanted to hear but I saw her point and respected it. The next few days after things went on as usual with the "hey, how was your day?" phone call or going to grab some lunch or something. The last time I saw her, a week or so ago, we had gone out to dinner with some friends and had a good time. Nothing bad occurred. No argument. Nothing. Just an enjoyable time. That's when things take a weird turn. Since that day we haven't really talked. I called her a couple of days after we had last hung out and invited her to a friend of ours get together. She couldn't make up her mind and said she thought it might be uncomfortable since we weren't dating anymore. I finally just said fine if you're not comfortable than it's no big deal. Couple days go by with no contact and I text her just saying hi. She calls me back and starts ranting about how someone at work pissed her off. I listen to her vent and she asks what I wanted. I said nothing really just to say hi, nothing out of the norm. I get this lukewarm response and she's like I'm gonna go. I was like whatever long night no big deal. Now more time is passing and I haven't heard from her. I try to chalk this up to her confusion and being a bit busy, but inside it's getting to me for some reason. I'm busy too. I've started my intership, been catching up with friends, doing any little thing to keep me busy and my mind off of it. I dont know why I'm so angered about it. Any words of wisdom to get me through this? Don't break the silence and let her come to me? Or maybe just phase her out until she knows what she wants?

So anyways. Just a little updated info on my situation. We were hanging out and just talking, somehow we got on the topic of us and feelings. Nothing deep at all , I tried to hold in anything I'd really wanted to say and she was cold to the idea as well but nonetheless things were said. I said something to like "I think you're confused on how you feel about me." and she replied with, "No, you just want to think that because I don't feel the way you want me to feel about you.". That was the end of that really and just brushed it off, I had a bunch of things to do. Point is I held back from saying what I really want to say. I'm wondering if saying anything at all is a good idea. Just bringing up the subject doesn't seem to help and we both are believers in actions over words. I'd say in this case her actions are different than what she said. I did feel a bit hurt to here that but I dont think I truly believe her. Is this denial or should I think about what she's doing over what's she's saying? Overall I'm reconsidering my position on the situation. I'm thinking just let it be . She knows how I feel so why tell her again? Just hang back and let her come to me. Sound like a decent idea or not?

Seems immature. Why not just sack up and say what's on your mind? Seems like a pointless game.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Your talking with your ex on a regular basis and they have a short fuse and get irritated over the dumbest simplest things. Personally I don't get irritated over little petty things, just when she gets annoyed about something dumb. Why do they keep talking to you and coming back around if they just get irritated by the dumbest things?

Point taken. Find out soon enough. Game plan from here is pretty much stick it out through finals (don't need the possibile rejection overhead for the next week), then just have a straight up talk with her. One way or the other it'll get me out of this irritating situation. Don't want to lose her but can't be her friend, tough position but I gotta move on, with or without. Any other suggestions or thoughts?

I know this seems like wishful thinking, but is it possible that she started coming around within the last few weeks to get a feel of what she may want and is waiting til the end of the semester to act on those feelings? Maybe like she wants back together and knows I'll be around after the semester but doesn't want to kick it up a notch til then so she can focus on what's important at the moment?

Good avice but few more questions. Obviously she's confused, but confused on about what? About getting back together or not? Maybe it's a comfort zone thing, is she just looking for some comfort? Granted these are answers only she truly knows but guesses based on experience are welcome. To clarify, there is no physcial contact going on either. And in regards to the waiting until finals end possibility. Is there a way I could be acting in the mean time that could improve the situation until I can focus on it and talk to her?

Hey. I've posted about my situation before but to give ya a run down here it is. During the 4 months since our break up we've gone from talking everyday, to talking less, to not at all, and now currently, for almost a month now, everyday contact again. Let it be known she broke up with me, she was stressed and our relationship was hurting so something had to give. My confusion is this: Why would someone go from NC to contact multiple times daily? And it's really not me who starts talking to her. She's making the effort to call, text, IM, meet up, etc. Now I still have feelings for this girl. She on the other hand doesn't have romantic interest anymore or she is good at hiding it. Personally, I think it's the later. She does slip up and show signs of interest, and if she's making the effort to be in touch with me all the time wouldn't you think that she's interested in starting up again? What is she thinking here? Does she want to work it out or not? I'd like to see things work out, but the situation I'm in is pretty uncomfortable. It doesn't seem to go anywhere and it's hot and cold. I can't handle being friends when there are still strong feelings. Plus, I couldn't be comfortable as her friend since she doesn't treat me as one. She keeps feelings from me yet talks to me more than any of her other friends. It's like she's in between or something. I would think if she wouldn't wan't a friendship either cause it'll never be a good one but she keeps talking to me, makes me think she's looking for something else. How do I proceed? Give it more time and see if anything comes of it and if not then let it go? I want to talk to her about but right now is a bad time (we're both in college and it's finals time). Maybe wait to talk til the semester is done? Cut her off now and see how she reacts (tough to do when she talks to me daily)? I don't know. Most of all, what is she doing?

We'll the break up was pretty mutual. I mean that in the sense that she intiated it but it was definitely on my mind and I wasn't far off from it. I did the no contact thing for a while and I felt fine but she was always popping up un expectedly with the random text or IM. Those I could handle and we didn't hang out and it was never long conversations. We had our little arguments in between but never anything that drove us apart for good, admitedly those happened when I brought up more serious things which she obviously wasn't ready to discuss. Now, 4 months later, she's talking to me more frequently and asking to hang out and do things, just friendlike situations and never really "date" type things but we still have fun and harmlessly flirt nontheless. This has been only going on for about 2 weeks, so I feel like this is a period of feeling out the situation and looking for the potential of working it out or just moving on. I don't want to put any strain on the situation by bringing up serious topics, since this created issues in the past, nor does she I believe since she hasn't brought anything up yet. It's definitely a see what happens and where it goes situation, but my only question is whether this period of no contact has just triggered feelings that she misses having me to talk to or misses me in a deeper sense? This I don't know from limited expierience with deeling with exes, and don't ask her for reasons mentioned before. I was wondering if anyone would have some insight from personal expierience what's in her head before I start asking? Obviously my feelings toward the situation are biased and would like to hear another perspective. As of now, I've just been letting things pan out, see what happens with no pressure since I'm pretty sure were not 100% sure on what we want from it. Thats open to constructive criticism so feel free to share input. thanks.

So I end up going to get my stuff and she is there. We end up talking for a while and even in a flirtatious way (wrestling, touching, etc). Since then we've talked almost everyday and have hung out a few times, and things seem to be getting better. I thought I've moved on and am ok with taking this at face value, but today I had a bad day and found that these feelings for her are still there and just wanted her to come over and just hold me and make me feel better. I haven't said anything about these feelings, I've been taking a "let it be " approach, trying to build a foundation to work from, and see what comes of it. But holding these feeling inside are hurting me and bringing me to this weak state of mind and I'm afraid that she'll see that I'm hurting. Should I just tell her how I'm feeling and risk the rejection or just chalk it up to a weak moment take a couple of days without contact and hope that I'll feel better and stronger in a few days? I want things to work out between us, I can tell there is something still there, but I don't know if she wants the same thing. Some of the things she says and does gives me these mixed signals. Like hanging out and talking daily then turning around and acting like she has better things to do. Ultimately, I'm afriad of being rejected by expressing my feelings, but I don't know if maybe it's what I need to do and see where I stand. This is probably pretty confusing and I apologize, but I guess what I'm getting at is should I show what I've got or give it more time to feel it out? Also is she just playing hard to get, confused, or just letting it fold out as well? I just dunno what to think here.

I honestly don't know what her motives are but at this point I'm not playing into her games. I set it up so she wont be around and I can be in and out without any interaction. I just left an IM saying that'll I'll be there to get it at some point tomorrow and i know she wont be around. Got an away message and dont really expect a response or hope for one. if she does, im curious to her response. May be insightful to what she's doing by this, give me some point of observatiton. Obviously she's lacking maturity in this situation, which is weird cause it's a bit of flip in character. But maybe this limited contact is getting to her? I dunno, any thoughts on the matter are welcome.

So now its been a while since I've talked to her or seen her. I've been busy with work and havent had the time to think about, thankfully. But I get this text message out of the blue asking me when I was gonna come pick my stuff up from her place. I know you can't really get a grasp of tone with a text message but the way she worded it seemed straight out combative. I remained calm and diffused it temporarily but I know it's coming again. Is she simply trying to get a rise out of me, keep her on my mind, what? Who cares if it's there another 2 weeks it's already been there for months? I'm gonna have to deal with the situation soon so any advice on how to proceed and come out of this confrontation calmly and maturely would be apprieciated.

Thanks. I agree with what you guys are saying. She hasn't called and I'm just going with the whole "let it be" attitude until both egos are off guard. Til then just got to do my own thing.

This is my first time posting on here. Sparing the detials, my ex and I split 3 months or so ago after a 2 year relationship. It was a good relationship but difference in opinions and some other issues that weren't addressed when they should've been led to our break up. It's not my first break up and I know that you go through ups and downs and I've been fine at coping with these through the help of friends plus the fact that some really positive things have happened that keep the my outlook on things overall pretty good. But there is one thing that keeps me from really getting over this and moving on, and that's why I figured it maybe better to get a more unbiased opinion from somewhere besides my friends and own thoughts. I'm finding more and more that despite it's been 3 months we are more integrated in one anothers lives than I thought. We have mutual friends and other obligations that place us in situations where interaction is inevitable. So talking is unavoidable at times, and sometimes yes by choice, on both sides. Problem is every now and then something pops up in conversation that'll trigger talk about feelings and the former relationship and we're both too stubborn to back down. It ends with us just getting aggravated with each other followed by a time of no to limited contact. Then it'll just keep happening again, not everytime we talk but it has a good half dozen times now. Ultimately I don't know if we will or won't be able to reach a level where we can talk without the unneeded aggravation. I still have feelings for her and vice versa, so getting over this may lead to us working it out and getting back together. Not my goal really but I'm not going to fight the idea either. I would though like to be able to talk without this happening for the sake of day to day interactions. I asked her to hang out and explained that the idea is to start from square one, no talking about past issues or something that'll trigger an argument, just a chance to build a foundation to work from. I told her to think it over, this is right after one of these episodes, and let me know what she thinks about it. I'm not expecting a reply immediately or if at all. Does this sound like a good way at just learning to coexist? If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions on the matter I'm game to listen to them cause I'm fresh out of ideas. Thanks for any info.