Ross_K

Okay, let's say I go to work, get bullied which is something I really can't handle, obviously I'd have to quit my job, possibly not be able to get back on sickness benefit with my confidence and self esteem even more shattered than it is now. Things aren't as simple as what you think they are. This isn't just a case of me being lazy, or that I could just easily do it or whatever.

No, but it's a lot worse round here. I used to live somewhere else and it was no where near as bad.

America is more my sort of place though, and as for getting work around here I'm worried about getting bullied because a lot of the people around here are those kinds of people.

Well what do you expect me to do, go out on the street and ask strange women for phone numbers? No, that isn't true. I want a girl because I naturally genuinely want a girl. If it was to fit a certain mold I'd also be dressing like everyone else and listening to the same music as everyone else, which I don't.

I know, I was always telling people that I need to work on my anxiety first and see how the meds and therapy go, and then start getting some more independence before suddenly jumping into some club on my own and walking up to strangers trying to start conversations. But they just kept telling me I'm making excuses. I still don't really get what you mean about seprerating things. Do you mean I should just concentrate and put all my focus into getting a job and forget about getting my own place and getting a car for now?

Thanks patch. I honestly wouldn't really know what to start off saying to them to be honest. I'll be okay, I'll just watch some soaps, drink some beers, order a Chinese and probably be back on here later.

I know I need to get a job first (unless I pay for my lessons and car from my sickness benifit which would take absolutley ages) but what's wrong with thinking about the other things in advance? At least having a plans for my goals so they actually feel like they're possible to attain and I know what to do lifts my spirits and provides me with more motivation. Thanks *kiss*

I honestly don't know what I'm afraid of and what holds me back. More pain? Things going worse? Being soul crushingly disappointed or hurt? I dunno. As far as getting my own place, I'll do it once I've settled into a job in the area I want to move to first, which will require me getting a car so I can travel to work while I'm not living in that area. Yeah I guess, maybe it's other things as well.

Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself, and if I was I'd try and make sure I got laid first. I know at the end of the day, there's an escort not too far from me, and as a last resort all I'd have to do is save up the money for the fee and the taxi fare to get there and back, and that's it. As simple as that hopefully. But after that I doubt I'd want to kill myself.

To me they seem like reasons. I don't want people to think I'm just attention seeking, I just made this topic to get this off my chest and to talk about it with people. Yeah, that would be nice, but I do really appreciate the fact that I can talk to people on here, and it's good to know that as I move forward in my life, I can talk to people on here and ask for advice with any problems I may encounter. Whether that be dating, sex, getting my own place, nervous about driving for the first time, whatever. I'm really glad I've found this site. And it'll be good being able to talk to the therapist as well.

I honestly don't know, maybe it is about 10 feet. I do know though, that when I done it and they made eye contact back, that I was doing it naturally without thinking, I was feeling really good that day and confident. The next time when they never made eye contact back, I was actually making myself make eye contact, it was a conscious decision each time.

I'm not saying I'm not optomistic about the medication and /or therapy, but hypothetically speaking, what if I could never get rid of my SA or make it that much better, that'd mean I'll never be able to do anything with my life for as long as I live, and also the dating situation wouldn't change for as long as I live either. Basically I'd carry on being the way I am now for the rest of my life.

Well, there's the social anxiety which has always stopped me from having any kind of a life. I think that's changing now, since the meds seem to be working, I've been thinking of doing a lot of things. I know that should mean that I shouldn't feel this way since now there's hope, but, I dunno, I just feel confused. It feels like there's a really decent chance that things still wont end up working out for me properly.

What if your life is full of emotional pain and you know it'll never change?

Not at all.

I dunno, I'm sure there'd be some sort of immediate help for someone who is really suicidal.

I'm not actually feeling really depressed at the moment, or maybe I am without realising it. Anyway, me and my mum don't have any kind of a relationship whatsoever, I can't talk to her about anything, she doesn't really seem to understand anything I tell her.

Nothing's particulary getting me down today, I suppose I feel okay. It'd just be nice for me to know there is an easy way out for when I need it. There have been times where I've really wanted to kill myself. As for the therapist, I'm on the list, it could take anything from a few months to a year before I see him.

The only way I can think of doing it would be to use a gun, but I don't know how difficult it would be to get hold of one in the UK. I wish I lived in America. Other than that, every other way I can think of is either painfull, slow, or there's a decent chance of it going wrong and you'll be * * * *ed up for the rest of your life.

Lol, well that's something I obviously wouldn't mind.

It's weird how when writing this topic I seemd to totally forget that a few months before this when I was in town I was getting quite a bit of eye contact from women. No smiles though. So, anyone going to try this test or what?

It's because she say's there's nothing she doesn't know about self help and there's nothing more she can gain from ENA.

I can't really understand how it could bother someone to be hit on all the time (I'd love it, if only it'd happen to me just once), but I guess, if they just seem like creeps, then I can understand why it'd bother you.