Jane28

Hi All, When my mood changes, so does the music i want to hear, this popped up on random the other day, and it suited my mood exactly. I had thought about it before, and had felt like some of the lies i had been told were like drinking poision. PINK - Eventually Lyrics I am an opportunity and I knock so softly Sometimes I get loud when I wish everybody'd justget off me So many playas you'd think I was a ball game Its every man for themself, there are noteam mates This life gets lonely when everybody wantssomething This might have been your fate But they'll get their's eventually And I hope I'm there Surrounded by familiar faces without names None of them know me or want to share my pain And they only wish to bask in my light, then fadeaway To win my love, to them a game To watch me live my life in pain When all is done and the glitter fades, fadesaway They'll get their's eventually And I hope I'm there I drank your poison cuz you told me its wine Shame on you if you fool once Shame on me if you fool me twice I didn't know the price You'll get yours eventually So what good am I to you if I can't be broken? You'll get yours, yes you'll get yours Eventually

Hi NatalieJulie, It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and i can really empathise its hard to be in limbo, and have those shreds of hope.. that's how i have been for some time now, but i think i am almost through it. I found the below very help full (I try to re read it when i am wavering, or when i might phone my guy just to repeat the same pattern with him), also talking to other guys, not to jump into any thing, but just to see potential and hope for the future as you say. 1. If you have to beg to be loved or have someone spend time with you, you have picked the wrong person. 2. If you have to beg to be treated well, you have picked the wrong person. 3. If you have to change yourself, you have picked the wrong person. 4. If you have to walk on eggshells, you have picked the wrong person. 5. If you have to physically defend yourself, you have picked the wrong person. 6. If your partner ever insults you on a daily, weekly or monthly basis, then you have picked the wrong person. 7. If YOU are not fully happy and satisfied with your relationship on a regular basis, then YOU have picked the wrong person. I don't care how much you love a person, you must end any relationship that is destructive! Life is too short to waste it on an unsuccessful relationship! The sooner you end an unsuccessful relationship the sooner you will find the love of your life and find yourself in a relationship that works!

Thanks Some Guy, you are saying a what a few of my friends are saying, and its excellent advice, just a little difficult to use right now. At first i thoght he could rip my heart out, and now i know nobody has that power over me, and there is a part I have reserved and kept safe. I feel like i am putting more emotional space between us, and things are more in perspective, like i can go on and be strong, and meet some one who will treat me well if we are not togther. Its that shread of hope i guess, combined with really strong feelings that has me meeting him tonight after i have been out for dinner with girl friends(he works late/hospitality) to see how things go. I will be telling him yes, he has to cut off all contact with the woman, i want to know about any thing she says to him, or any message she sends him voluntarily. I do have this womans number, and we have spoken before(in a calm manner) so i can always phone her, and i am sure she would be honest about what was happening. She didnt know any thing about me during the affair except that we apparently used to see each other(me& him), and she said she would never ever get involved with some one elses man. But i dont want to phone her. Apart from that i have thought of a million things to say, but i guess i just have to see his actions and words for now, and take a hard look at things. thanks, jane

Thank you both for your comments, i really appreciate them, and hope i can use them in some way. The ones about trust i hope to use now, and if thats not working i will be soon be moving on.

Hi Everyone. I have been reading a lot on this board the last few weeks, and i really appreciate getting a lot of different perspectives and hearing different peoples experiences. I have been with my boyfriend for the last ten months and we were making a lot of plans for the future, and three weeks ago I found out hes had an affair with a woman he works with. This went on for six weeks, she apparently persued him, he thought he could do it, have fun(physical) and i would never find out. We were living togther for the last part of this time, and i knew there was some thing going on, times he wouldnt answer his cell phone, and then(before he moved in) times he didnt come over when we had(loose) plans. Immedaitly he said he wanted to be with me, he didnt realise how he could be so stupid, he loved me, and wanted to work things out. I was extreamly emotional for the next few weeks as you could expect, and i probely should have had some more space away from him. He has moved out, and back to his previous accomadation, and we did break up for about five days two weeks ago, he couldnt take the stress that we were going through. I am much calmer now, and trying to a bit less avalible too him. He has said a lot of things indicating he wants to work things out and apolgised a lot, he wants to put the affair behind him, and he hates it if the subgect comes up(he feels guilty). I have told him i need to see how things go, and see his behaviour, not just hear his words. I feel really jealous of the other woman, they work togther indirectly(in the same big company) and he is in no postion to change his job to get away from her. In fact he has said when i asked him, that yes he has talked to her, and she helps him with some things with work and he thought it best to keep on pleasant terms with her. I have said i feel very uncomfortable with this, he promised me absolutly he would never have any affair or anything outside our relationship. He still feels i dont trust him, which is true, I need more time, and for him to show me i can. Ultimatly i know he will do what ever he wants to, but want to give him this chance. This is my first love, we were actually planning to marry(had broken off the engagment two weeks ago, then yesterday he asked me to consider getting engaged again) next year, and my heart and my confidence have taken a hammering, and been on a rollercoaster over the last month. i am doing more things just for me, and starting to plan my future a bit differently, having a plan B so to speak. But for now i still want to be with him. Is there any thing that others have found helpfull in rebuilding trust and reducing jealous feelings? thanks to all, Jane