FindingMyTrueSelf

Yes, Patience, you hit the nail on the head. Selfish and unbalanced. And anger is never good... didn't I just leave an angry spouse? Geesh, like I need to replace him with another!! As DN suspected, she did call and apologize for her behavior and her words. At first I didn't want to answer the phone, but I didn't want to make things worse either, so I picked up. We talked, and after I stood my ground, she finally capitulated and told me that she will do whatever I want, evn if it's painful for her. I told her that yes, that is how a person who loves another person behaves. They want what is best for the other, even if it hurts themselves or doesn't serve their own needs. So I asked her not to contact me; and I will contact her when I feel comfortable doing so. She agreed. Let's hope she can keep her word. On a lighter note... I went to a club in NYC last night (called LoverGirl) and it was awesome! I am feeling more and more comfortable with my unfolding self, and I even met someone nice there! Things are definitely looking up. Thanks all of you, for your keen insight... I am sure that, if left to my own emotions, it would have taken me months to see the reality of the situation.

I just spoke to my friend; told her I wanted us to cool off and take time apart. She begged and begged; it broke my heart! I had to be strong, and she kept begging to see me "one more time" so we could "tallk about it". I was thinking What's to talk about? Something tells me she will just try anything once we get together to convince me to not leave her. She is very romantic, thinking love conquers all. Somehow me taking care of myself looks more to her like I am trying to hurt her. Why is it that when we do things for our own well-being, others are offended that we didn't put their feelings first?!?! They are baffled that we would choose to take care of ourselves even though it unfortunately hurts them in the process. Then her Latin Passion came out and she begain to get REALLY ANGRY. Saying things from "I hate you" to "I love you" to "I want to hit you" to "I want to kiss you". During this conversation, I began to fear the depths of her passion. I have heard from others how angry she can get, but never experienced it myself. Anyway, she hung up on me so I took that opportunity to turn off my cell phone! No one ever broke up with her before; she's only 32 and been married for 8 years. Geesh, now I have to worry about my safety?!?! Thank God she is on a beach vacation with her family. Maybe during her 1 week vacation she will come to her senses!! In the meantime, I'd better change my locks (she has a copy of my key).

You had the right to know this before you found out the way you did. He should have told you up front. If I was blinded by love, I would probably forgive him, believe him, and get back with him just to feel immediately better. But that emotion called "love" has made me do stupid things in the past... things that rational people woudn't do. So be rational if you can, and leave him alone. You will probably find more character flaws or inconsistencies in this person. It's okay to feel the love for him *and* at the same time not allow him to continue to bring chaos into your life. It's not okay to do things you know you should not do in the name of "love". Please be strong... the pain won't last forever.

No, I am not in counseling. I really do deserve it though. I made two appointments, both for Monday. One is with a Life Coach, and one is with a therapist who specializes in the sexuality issues I am facing. The life coach is for helping me to be accountable to myself when making goals and sticking to my values. Helping me consciously plan and map my own success so that I don't behave like a victim. Choice is at the root of all things. I need to take responsibility for my own actions and if I don't like something, I can choose to change my part in it. The therapist is for really helping me to separate my emotions from my true self... I want to learn how to listen to my pain instead of run from it or stuff it down. I need to learn how to regain my self-esteem. I want to learn how to say "no" to sex with people even when my body is screaming to connect and share sexual energy. Or if I say "yes", then how to do so and ensure that my boundaries are respected? In other words, I would love to learn how to make my heart and my head agree with each other so that I am living in harmony with the Greater Good. Why did I wait this long? God only knows. I've been so busy making sure everyone else is taken care of; now it's time for me. I have been pampering myself; so therapy is one of the things I deserve to spend money on because it makes me a better person. Thanks for all the insight you guys. I noticed that no one is saying "hang in there and turn your live upside down for LOVE". Hmm... interesting.

My son loves her sons... their family loves to hang out with mine. I guess I have really screwed things up pretty badly because I can't imagine hanging around them acting as if nothing happened. What do I tell them? What reason do I give to my children and their close friends as to why I don't come around anymore? Also, what do I do when she begs me not to leave... should I threaten to tell her husband if she keeps pursuing me? Mind you, I just did this to my ex-husband... cut off all contact and shunned all his advances to reconcile... hurt him by leaving him even though it was for my own good. Here it is happening again! Where do I find the strength?? Gosh what a mess.

Yep, I see that it's a bad idea all around to try and be with a married person. I knew that already when it concerns married men; and now I know it's true for married women too. In fact, any person who is not free to give me her heart should be off limits to me. The fact that I thought I was just having fun and didn't know I would end up loving her is another indicator that I shouldn't start something unless it is with someone who could go the distance with me. You never know when you will begin to love someone. I think I need to pull away from her family for a while; even though she and her family had been my safe haven when I left my husband. I see I need to enter therapy so I can stop making messes around me... I deserve to get my head and heart straightened out so I can live the life I was meant to live. I just realized that I am running out of friends! Note to self: don't sleep with your friends if you want them to remain your friends.

I have been separated from my husband for three months. I left him because of abuse... two months later, I find myself in love with my married girlfriend whom I have known for four years. I was always bisexual but she never knew that about me until now. She told me one day that she and her husband had fantasized about a threesome with another woman. That conversation made me hot as I realized that I wanted to be the other woman. That night, we went dancing, and then after a kiss we had sex with each other. We had sex the next day, amazed at the level of passion and depth... I think it was the second time sleeping with her that we began to give voice to a growing love between us. By the third time we were together, we were both scared about what it might mean. The feeling is deeper than anything I have ever known, and she says the same is true for her. She decided to tell her husband afterwards... I had wanted her to tell him from the beginning because if he doesn't know, it's cheating. At first she didn't tell him because she wanted me all to herself; but after feeling the love, she thought she'd better include him or we might end up running off together! So she told him... but she only told him half the truth... pretended we never did anything before, and that our first time would be the three of us together. He was excited... I was relieved. One problem: After the threesome, he told her that I behave more "like a man" in bed and has now pulled back from ever doing it again. I'm surprised, because I did things to him that woman do; I didn't leave him unattended, and he seemed to enjoy having sex with me! I feel that he is threatened by what I was able to do to her in bed; things he never was willing to do to her. Now I think he will slowly try to remove me from hanging around his family. He told her not to have sex with me unless he is there because it feels like a man is loving his wife, not a sweet, harmless woman (my words). In the meantime, we have not been able to keep our hands off each other (secretly, of course). I have never felt the love I feel before... the tenderness and the complete surrender and the unlimited passion; a spiritual connection that feels like I have been waiting my whole life for her. We constantly call each other and are so happy to feel this love, even though the husband disapproves. We fantasize about running off together; but I freeze when I consider the social impact that would have on our families (my boy and her two boys). She is still with her husband and she is not happy. The more we talk, the more I see his abuse and controlling patterns... the same patterns I escaped from in my own ex-husband. Although I make plenty of money for the both of us, he would probably try and financially bury me alive if she tried to leave him for me. Dragging the kids in would be so horrible for everyone. I would hate to fight him! I am scared!! Please shed some insight from any experience you have had in a similar situation. I would love to not feel so alone. ~me.

I need your insight: What would you have done differently to change the outcome, if anything? Do you think you can live with your husband forever and never be with another woman again? Does your ex-lover feel happy that she chose to be with her husband? How did they find out, anyway... did you guys consider keeping it a secret? Thanks in advance for your openness and honesty. I am wondering if I should run far away from my friend and not give her the opportunity to leave her husband because of me. My conscience would kill me if she left him for me... even though I know we would be very happy together. ~me.