LycosV

I personally wouldn't. You said that part of you thinks that it would be a shame to go this long then go for someone you're not in love with. It sounds like you're feeling a little bit of preasure because he'll be moving away once he graduates in a month and you're afraid you're going to miss your current chance. I say you've made it 22 years waiting for someone to be in love with. Losing your virginity is not a choice you can take back. I think it would be better to go with the side of you that wants to wait. You can always have sex later, you can't be a virgin after you've had sex.

I just thought I'd add in my two cents here as well. I think that most men (myself included) are intimidated by taller women. As Mr. Cactus said, I know it's not PC, but dating a woman taller than me would definatly be awkward. This only applies to women who are taller than me (I'm 6'2") so they have to be pretty tall. You said you were 5'10" and wore boots to put you up around 6'. Personally I don't see that as a problem. It's only the looking up to someone (literally) that I don't like. Maybe it's some sort of male thing, or maybe I'm just a heightist.

There is this girl who works at a coffee shop on campus on the weekends. I've talked to her a couple times before when buying coffee: ex: asked about her homework (she had her book open studying). I want to get to know her better but there are a couple snags: 1. The only time I ever talk to her is in a small-talk buying coffee sort of sense. 2. Now there is someone who works with her behind the counter who sometimes makes the coffee instead of her. My main question is how do I talk to her in a manner beyond "How's it going?" Also if I can talk to her, what would be an appropriate activity to ask her to do since I hardly know her. Coffee is classic, but would that be weird since she works in a coffee shop?

We have a winner! Kyoshiro, ShySoul, and Ceema-k nailed it, the pain from rejection stops, the pain from regret never goes away. Back when I was in high school there was a girl who I had known my entire life. After so many years, I developed feelings for her, I moved in a little and the signs were good, but you know what I did after that? I let the friendship, and anything that was there dissintigrate. I got scared and I backed off. I lost probably the best friend I'd ever had because I was a wuss. I regret it to this day, probably seven years later. If I had asked her and been rejected would I be thinking about her now? Not a chance. I think it's a part of being shy, we think "What if?" about everything. Only after you've been accepted/rejected can you move on. Otherwise you're in limbo for the rest of your life. al7: There is no perfect oppener, you've got to wing it. It's based on the situation. "Hi", or "How's it going" is a little hollow, everyone says that walking down the street. If you've got nothing else, try introducing yourself, stick out your hand and raise an eyebrow, "Hey, al7, you?"

On one hand you have the fear of rejection which basically stays the same, on the other you have a fear of regret/living alone for eternity which grows eveeytime you don't do something. Never underestimate the ability of fear to motivate.

I don't think that you can FIND your soulmate, but I think that over time two people in love can MAKE each other into their soulmates.

Rejection may be what we're afraid of becuase it hurts but the: "Regrets for not going for it" as the thread starter put it build up until you realize that those regrets are worse than the rejection. As the old saying goes: "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I have to agree with al7 and 69_king on the not many women in classes comment. In an engineering field you've got maybe four women who have been in all of your classes through college. They all got snapped up in the first semester by the hundreds of other engineering men with more social skills.

In a way approaching someone you don't know is irreversible. The moment you say "Hey" you've commited. It's not like you can turn and walk away. You can, but isn't that even scarier? Back to my plane analagy: You can jump up in your seat while taxiing and throw a fit, they'll go back to the terminal, but like you said: Getting up and throwing a fit is even scarier than sitting your butt in the chair and taking off. Same deal with talking to a woman. Once you've said that first word, "Hey" and she turns to look at you, you're in the deep stuff. To use classic Psych, you've got two options: fight or flight. When you're skydiving it's getting out of the plane that's the hard part. Pulling the cord to release the chute and gliding down is the easy part.

Fear is a part of life, but when you really want to do something you eventually push past the fear and "get over it." There really isn't a better way to explain it. There are all sorts of things we're afraid of doing at first but if we really want to do it, we go for it (eventually). Let's say you're afraid of flying, but you really want to go to hawaii for vacation. You put off flying somewhere until it gets to the point where you decide to go for it. You buy a ticket to hawaii and jump on the plane. You're freaking terrified, but you know what? The plane takes off, flies to hawaii, and lands. Nothing bad happens. Each time you fly after that you get a little more used to it until it's the same as jumping in your car to take a trip downtown. Talking to women is no different. While being in an airplance you can ACTUALLY die; talking to women just makes you FEEL like you're going to die. Now you'll probably say 1. you're not afraid of flying, or 2. there are drugs for that, or 3. some people never get over their fear of flying. True on all accounts: 1. Different people are afraid of different things. Some of us (like myself) see that flying is far safer than driving and thus jump on a plane no problem. But I'm still partially afraid of talking to women even though it poses absolutly NO possible physical harm to me. 2. Sure there are drugs to make it easier to fly when you're afraid of it, they're mild tranquilizers, but they're only needed early on, and only for extreeme cases. If you're REALLY afraid of talking to women (to the point of needing drugs) you should see a doctor/psychiatrist, they'll be able to help you in ways this forum never will. 3. Yes, some people never get over their fear of flying and never get on a plane their entire lives. There are people out there who live their entire lives without having a real relationship as well. Why? Because they never cared enough about their fear to actually fix it. Bottom line is that fear is our mind telling us something has a POSSIBILITY of going wrong, but throughout our lives we eventually, through repetition, show our minds that somethings just aren't worth being afraid of. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go jump in a metal box with wheels and hurtle myself down a paved street at 70 miles per hour with only a two inch strap of material holding me to my chair.

I have to agree with ShySoul, shyness is a part of who we are, but eventually something inside you snaps and you do something you wouldn't normally do. I have an analogy here that I believe works well. Have you ever been sitting there when two people you know have are arguing about something? It doesn't matter what it is, but you're just sitting ther listening in to what they both have to say (that's what us shy people do). But then at some point, you just can't take it any more, they're both morons and neither one knows what they're talking about so you bust into the conversation with your opinion. It's actually very similar to what I'm doing right now (Not that I'm saying you are all morons ). I read through this whole post, all 16 pages of it, and at the end I did something I normally don't do (as my post count indicates): I posted this message. Sure some people will disagree with me, and a voice inside me tells me I shouldn't stick my opinions out for everyone to see. But I just did it, I couldn't take it anymore. Talking to a beautiful woman is the same way. You want to talk to her, but that voice in your head, that doubt holds you back. But eventually, as long as you always want it, you snap and you go for it.