Jetta

Yes looks matter initially, but personality makes a huge difference ultimately it's the deciding factor. I know because I am attractive (at least in my face, I need to lose some weight), but I wish I had a better personality. I'm less social but people are often more welcoming to me, friendlier, etc. So I have 2nd chances on being more social.

With that said my ex husband who I didn't think was very attractive has more friends because he has a better personality. He's more approachable than I am. Okay he's not ugly but he has an obvious deformity (his ears aren't formed correctly). How do you think people with major deformities get along? It's their personality. I guarantee the more social ones are happier than the less social ones.

People get burned in fires, some are born without faces (now those are pregnancies I would want to end just because I know be ugly in this world would be awful). But personality really matters. My mom has a better personality than I do, but I'm prettier (we look nothing alike). She dates more frequently than I do because she's more approachable (happier, friendlier, etc.). Personality or attitude really matters more than you realize.

I know that being attractive helps me because without my looks I'd be screwed.

He may be missing the sex. If you reunite make him date you and turn it into a true relationship. Skip the FWB thing especially with him. I read your previous post and I recall it being too relationship like. Plus you have a child involved here. Either be in for real or sever your ties.

Well I thought a guy might be able to give me a male perspective. It's unusual to see an ex (IMO) let alone go to dinner, right? I really am an open book and have a hard time keeping things to myself. At any rate it was a nice evening and I was kind of surprised it went so smoothly.

Has there been any kind of change in your life? Have you reached a certain age? Some mental health issues happen later in life. It sounds like depression to me.

Last night my ex-husband and daughter met me for dinner. It was really a nice time and not uncomfortable at all. It was dutch. I guess he and I can be friends unless he's coming around. He did give an angry vibe when I mentioned getting back together, so he's still mad about a lot of things. I can't help but mention something about reuniting everytime I see him and I really try not to. He has said that he doesn't want to get back together, at least not right now. It was one of the first times out that the waitress didn't ask if we wanted separate checks. That happened all the time when we were married. It was so nice to spend time that way. Do you think he's coming around, or just being nice and letting me see our daughter?

Like you I was determined to leave my married, my ex husband reminds me. GO TO COUNSELING and heal your marriage! I now regret leaving and know we could have worked through our problems and be reasonable happy together. You'll create more problems by leaving. How will you support yourself? You've been a SAHM. What working skills have you developed? You could lose your children because of your inability to support them. Be realistic.

God did not intend for us to be alone. Even Cain had a wife. You are only 20, focus on creating a good life for you and your future children. That right person will come along. I was inpatient and settled for the wrong ones because I feared being alone. Love is real, it's out there, and luckily we have more than one true love.

Well kissing I take a bit more lightly. Sex I generally wait about 2 months into the relationship, or at least that's how long I waited with my ex-husband. Really it's a case by case basis. I never seem to act the same way.

You're right about the wedding not being as special. I think you should get switch jobs. You will have worked about a year at the one so it would be fine. And it's a part-time job, right? I know it's kind of hassel but odds are you won't be there after you graduate anyway.

Can't you remain friends and have some kind of contact with him? Or try and become a friend? If you had a child together there would be some form of contact for life probably.

Well you can get back loving feelings but it will take some work. Marriage counseling will help get to the why's of her cheating. If you get to the source of the problem you can prevent it from reaccuring. And as the previous poster said you would need to forgive. If you don't think you're up to the work or willing to forgive than you can move on but that path isn't necassiarly easy either.

I don't think it's a good idea to see a hypnotherapist over this. However sticking with NC is a good idea, you're too attached to her still. You need to move on, start socializing with others.

Have you considered searching craigslist or the newspaper for a roommate? Living alone isn't so easy, we need socialization, human companionship, etc. Do you have people you can call regularly? I did the live alone thing and I'm not the most social either. It was fine when I was working but it did get lonely.

Glad to hear it! Congratulations!! I think a timeline is important and you've shown that. Good luck.

Have you considered marriage counseling? I kind of get the feeling she's walking all over you, yet her request for dating tells me there's a missing aspect in your relationship (which could be pushing her towards infidelity). You need someone who will hear both sides and offer some workable solutions.

I came to a point in my life where I know I was supposed to be dead. I watched my apartment being cleared of my belongings, lots of people and no one complained. I came to a blankness in life, a nothing. It's nothing I have ever experienced before. It's like having a blank slate only there's no desire to write on the slate. I was truly waiting to die for days on end and wondering why I hadn't. I was in a pretty serious car accident and survived. My life has gone downhill since that point and I still wonder why I survived. I then reached the peak of suicide, several times, and haven't done it.

Well I've read the bible and it states that suicides go to hell. I don't want that to happen. I've also realized I'm not nearly as good a person as I've always thought of myself as so I wonder if God's giving me a chance to redeem myself before I die. I determined I was pushed to suicide and didn't commit it so I wonder if I'd get brownie points. Obvioiusly I passed some test. Now I'm at the end of this blankness wondering what to do with my life because the desire to live really isn't there anymore.

I have an ache in my heart from my personal losses, a spirit that is slowly returning. Acceptance for things I can't change, things I caused, and now the reality that I'm alive and will live until God decides it's my time. We control a lot about our lives, death is suppose to be up to God which is why it's a sin.

I hit rock bottem. I had no money, not even a nickel, no car, no job, and was living off my brother for a month and a half before getting a job. I lost custody of both children, ultimately terminated my rights to my oldest because I couldn't care for his needs let alone my own. My brother got me a car, filled it with gas and tuned it up. I got a job, and now I'm on the road to recovery. The losses were awful emotionally and they were my own fault. If it wasn't for family I would have been homeless. Each day I make an effort to move forward when I still don't really want to live. Few people hit the depths that I have, and I have survived. I hope it's for good reason.

I really have no idea how long it would take. If it's as long as 10 hours I'm certain you'd be discovered. Have you tried to create a life you'd enjoy? Check out this website, link removed

Yes talk with her. Tell her that you'll consider relocating. Why not start looking for a job there. Why haven't you proposed? Maybe moving back has led her to believe you won't have a future together. You definitely need to have a heart to heart talk.

Does he want you to break up with him? What a jerky thing to do.

I think it's best if you quit speaking with her. Ignore her messages, don't even read them if you can help it. She's giving you too much information about her and it's hurtful. Best not to know, and it'll make it easier for you to move on.

Look into living on campus, the roommate experience is valuable. I cherish the times I had roommate (NOW). Plus some became friends. It's time for you to move out.

Is the wedding already planned? If not let him go whitewater rafting and move the date a couple of days. If it is then I wouldn't like the idea of him doing that the day before, anything can happen to cause a delay. You can't really forbid it just talk to him and hope he complies, otherwise pick a different day for the wedding (since it doesn't sound like you have it all planned yet).

There are no accidents. I have found this to be true. It's as if everything is planned by someone, even things we think are not. So yes I believe in signs.

She may have been thinking of you as a friend only and the e-card showed her you were thinking of more. Try e-mailing her once more to see if you can clear things up.

For some reason it took me longer to move on as the dumper than it has as the dumpee. I've been dumped once and that was because I wouldn't have sex with him (3 weeks into the relationship at 18 years old).

Granted I dumped the two guys I ultimately married and the rammifications of divorce (my belief in marriage being for life) has made it harder for me to get over those relationships (and kids being involved). Now I'm virtually sans kids and 12 years later I'm still not completely over my 1st marriage because I see how that relationship has really hurt my life, the subsequent choices to remarry before being ready, etc.

So for me being the dumpee has been worse because I made the choice to screw up the kids home. Without kids I know I'd be over the 2nd one for sure by now. The first one is tougher because that was my first real relationship and affected everything. The fact I didn't finish college, the relationship with my parents, etc. The 2nd one has affected me financially, and the emotional part with my daughter has been the most destructive.