seally

In reply to the post from mongoose. Wow, I'm really glad you are getting help and in regards to the quote above I believe you. I too have to prove myself to my boyfriend. Although we are still together I have to gain his trust and respect again. Seeing him flinch if I move too quickly and see his face get upset if we play fight and he can't tell whether I'm playing or not DOES hurt like hell. Though I have only hit him a few times and in a short space of time it was enough. Thank you for posting, it is nice to know a fellow troubled soul and working things out as I am.

In reply: 1) I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me I want to get help for my problem 2) Erm how do I turn the tables - I undermind you because I feel u are being unjust and a little hypocritial. 3) There was not abuse in your message simply stating you are not better than anyone - People are equal. 4) Write clearer 5) Never any denial of any of this 6) Posted my story WITH my boyfriend so we can both work through our issues and seek help not abuse. I'm sorry to say and maybe I'm wrong you don't seem to have any real idea about 'abusers' At least you don't about me. There was no violence in me till 2 months ago so whether i'll abuse 'again and again' is debatable. I'm sure with support I won't. If you are so disgusted with me and other people who are trying to deal with there problem please do not visit this forum. It is obviously a sensitive subject that you cannot deal with without being over-upset. I understand you are not over what your ex's did to you but please do not tar us all with the same brush as I am sure you would not like me to do to you. As for me being a abuser yes I fully admit I abused my boyfriend several times in the past but he was understanding and now we are seeking help together. Please understand the person - it may be wrong but its not disgusting like you state. I only wish I had been mature enough to support my ex. I would also like you to note that I didn't want an argument or offence to be caused by my first post. I was just stating my opinion which you should accept. I didn't say you have to like it. I would also thank you not to address me as you clearly can not help people like me through this difficult time in our lives. Thank you and thank you also for your opinion

Teacup one question - Why are you on a site like this if all you want to do is judge people who are generally trying to deal with their problems? I do not require people judging me and my friend. I was hit by my boyfriend and I don't judge or hate him - Maybe I'm a more understanding person.

You really don't have a clue do you? I am 19 and seem to have more life experience than you. And yes LOVE DOES HURT!

I'm just writing cos I'm happy with myself! Last been over two weeks since my last violent outbreak and last time we fought I calmly deal with it. We are seeking help together withoutmeds tho and hopefully we can get over this.

Teacup I'm very sorry if this seems harsh but I don't think you really understand what goes through the mind when you abuse someone. I am not defending my actions but what you are saying is very very uncalled for. Unless you truly see what people who abuse are feeling please do not judge. I have been both abused and abused other - probably because small minded people bullied me till (and I still do sometimes) dislike the human race. Some people including me, abuse out of fear that has been bullied into the them then anger so I'm sorry I don't think you should be posting judgmental things on here when people who do abuse, myself included, are trying to work through our problems. Sorry I really don't mean to cause offence or an argument

I really don't want to go back on to meds, for a start I really don't think they work and for a second having meds in the house isn't a good idea when I get really depressed. Its good so far I haven't hit him for 10 days which is good for me even tho it sounds lame. As I'm on my reading week maybe thats because the pressure has gone on a temporary basic, he real test with be next week. I do believe in violence in certain circumstances and maybe that is what is driving me to this. In my head and at the time, I feel violence is the only thing that I feel will make him listen. I'm just hopeing for good luck and self control next week

No offence but I'm 19 and not interested in children. I meant reproductive biology as in IVF etc. I don't think children should be present in any violence playing or not and wouldn't dream of having them right now.

No I never saw it at home but I hate people walking out - my dad did. I have blocked out my childhood since that. Sometimes and the most worrying thing is, I don't feel guilty. I think well he shouted at me - he deserved it and THAT is what scares me most.

I have been having therpy for 2 years and well he normal before he met me. I want to major in reproductive biology and am doing from 8-5 everyday with the travelling. I'm nt sleepin, eating etc I have stopped al work for uni to try and make friends - I'm failing. I'm so scared of everything in my life. I have a week off this week and need to see friends, sort out my bf and catch up on 3 weeks worth of work. Thinking about this pressure makes me depressed and above all angry. I can't do it all.

Hello My problem is as stated above I keep hitting my boyfriend. We have been together 9 months and had a great normal relationship - the best I have had - he is amazing! Recentely I have started university. I commute in everyday and am finding the uni life really difficult and have began suffering with depression and panic attacks again. My boyfriend is finding my moods very hard to deal with and tends to shout at me and walk out. Before he leaves me I normally grab hm by the neck, push him to the floor and beat him while screaming at him. This has happened around 7 times in the past 3 months and all he does is sit and take it. He never hit me back until the last time. I was really shocked. We got in to a physical fight for around 30 mins and he is covered in scracthes as a result. When he did finally hit back, the force was overwhemling and seeing me in pain he broken down with guilt. I know we should spilt we are doing one another too much damage and I need to stop before things go too far - I actually think I could seriously damage him. I have already damaged him mentally to the point now he is suffering with depression too. I want to make him better and undo the wrong I have done before I leave him. I love him but I know this isn't right. Does anyone have any advice for me to stop the hitting and to make him and I normal again? Thanks for reading

Hello, Just kinda want to follow from last year - quick run down: I went to Uni with my boyfriend and while I was there we spilt, treated me like dirt and really messed me up (i suffered with depression) He threw his back in my face and in the end physically attacked me. I literally crumbled as a result I quit uni. Since my last posts my life has got sooo much better, I'm over him, have a new fantasic Boyfriend, and above all got into a great (and better university) However thats the probem - Uni. I meant to be going back ina month and I don't think I can face it. Even when I visited the uni's, I got soo upset, it brought back so many bad memories - I don't actually want to go in case I'm left in the same state I was last year. Doing this Biology course is all I have wanted to do with my ife, I have real ambition however I don't want to fall back into bad depression again. I'm already pushing people in my life away including my boyfriend and have become cutting myself over trhe smallest things again. This is all down to worry! Anyway I just wanted to talk to someone and let it all out! Thank god for this website! x

Okay, well it's been the whole of a day and a half. I feel like crap, I'm so desperate to talk to him. He is so down, I just want to help him. I know he is not happy doing what he is doing, he has admitted it so why is he still trying so hard to fit in. He was such a lovely person before. I keep praying he'll come to me, confide in me. I want him back so much, crazy I know but I can't help how I'm feeling. I'm leaving uni tomorrow and to be perfectly honest the main reason I'm dreading it is because I'm not going to see him again until Christmas. I didn't know a man/boy could cause me this much pain. I'm driving myself insane! Any ideas?

Unfortunately no, I can't stop loving him. I really wish I could maybe I would be able to stay in University. I'm leaving on Sunday, I'm going to give myself some time to lick my wounds (literally) and recover my broken heart! I want to email him, god only knows why, I suppose as a closure thing. I still care deeply for him and I don't want him to be depressed and think he has no1. Am I just being really stupid? I'll actually take advice this time. I can't believe I still feel sorry for him after he hurt me. Grr i am stupid!

I was seeing someone about my depression before I came here. I'll probably continue when I go home from Uni. I'm probably going to leave here for good, I can't bear seeing him every day, the hurt is too much. I guess noone can take away what we had together, I suppose I'll always know my first love was real and special (until now) I know it sounds crazy but I still love him, even after this I still do. I thought I'd hate him, and I do until I see him. When I see him I can't help going over the special times that we shared together, in my head sometimes I feel he is still mine. I suppose I'll get over it, it'll just take a bit of time. None of this seems real quite yet

This is a follow up to my post earlier. Do I let him go? Against all your advice I saw him. He came to my room and I asked why we broke up. Again he got upset and said he couldn't tell me. I begged him to but he just got angry and asked to leave. Stupidly I stood in front of the door and told what he was doing wasn't fair because I didn't know where I stood and to tell me. Then he lost it. He pushed me out of the way and starting pinning me down to the floor screaming at me. I tried to fight my way up but of course he was too strong for me and kept pushing me down as I tried to get up. He even bit me 3 times. The result of this is I'm stuck in university seeing the someone I used to love, walk around after doing this to me. All I'm left with is several bruises, bites and a broken heart. I tried going to the university about this but they don't seem to care. Just told him to stay away from me! Great isn't it!? Any advice? I can't believe who he has become.

Thanks, I thought everyone would say that! I know you're all right, I have to let it go, it would be just so much easier if I was at home, with my mum and friends supporting me. Just here I feel so alone, phone calls home don't quite do the job! I still hope he'll come back, even though I know he probably won't. I guess everyone has to be broken hearted at least once I do have one question though. Although I know I have to forget him and move on, I still want him to know that I'll be here for him if/when he needs him (I think he will do when all his emotions catch up) Do you think it is a good idea to tell him or just leave everything now?

Hello, I'm new here I found this site wondering what to do about my ex boyfriend and was wondering if anybody out there could help me out. I'm 18 and had been with my boyfriend for 18 months before he just ended it. That I can deal with, people fall out of love, the trouble is it was so unexpected. We were one another's first relationship and we were so in love. (Stupid as it sounds for a teenager) The guy was devoted to me, and we saw one another every day. He would do anything for me. He even asked me to marry him after we finished university! We got together when I was suffering through a time of heavy depression and he really helped me from the edge. It kind of made us stronger. We were going great, until just over 2 weeks ago we went to university (at the same one because we wanted to stay together) I was finding it difficult settling in I got very upset. We argued over him not supporting me enough, but in the end he just said sorry, that he loved me and wanted us to work it all out because he couldn't live without me. About 36hours later he told he didn't want to be together anymore, no reason or anything. The next few days following the break-up I went to see him, basically because I didn't understand, and still don't, why this had happened. Instead of telling me he didn't want me, he broke down into tears telling me he loves me, and wants me but can't be with me. Again, no reason given. He hugs me, kisses me and even sings our song to me but still says he can't get back with me. Trouble is, one minute he is like this towards me and the next he flips, gets angry with me and orders me to go away. He has changed completely and I hate the new person he is. He is trying to be someone he's not towards the new friends he has made. They are not his type of people but he is clinging on to them, doing what they want to do like going out and getting drunk (He only drinks in moderation normally) every night to impress them. He is trying to be arrogant, but admits in the times he breaks down to me that he is so depressed with his life up here. I try and talk to him about everything but in the end he gets angry shouting at me and says he can't handled being with me because I make him face up to things, before storming out. He is pushing everyone away including his best friend from home. She came up to see him and he shouted at her and barely saw her. It is so out of character. Now I have to see him everyday and I can't bear it. I know what he says is probably crap but I can't help but keep holding on, I can't believe this has happened. I'm so lonely in University on my own and that's why I keep running back. Plus, I really want to help him if he is upset, like he did to me. What can I do? (Sorry if I went on a bit, I just wanted you to get the whole picture)