surferboy

Yeah, everything seems to be her, her, her. Unless she wants something I'm never involved. But she has been through a rough time so I understand her hesitation, she has changed so much but now and again I see the old girl I first met. Just wish I could be there for her. Meeting other girls isn't a problem, over the last two years I have but I just have no interest, I don't even want to tell my ex in case it has a negative effect. Well saying that there isn't much positives. Now when I try and talk to her even just to make sure we can still be friends she doesn't want to know. This hurts the most. Love is a powerful tool....it can also be a nasty affliction. Thanks guys.

I kinda agree, I would love to turn round and say for once and for all get out of my life, but the sad fact is I love her, since we broke up I cannot have a meaningful relationship with anyone else. And also for the sake of my little girl I want to be there. I know if she would give it a serious go it would work itself out, I want to help her through her troubles, be there for her and make her happy. But she's so stubborn. You are right though, she hardly makes me happy.

Hi guys' It's been a while. I used this forum a couple of years ago after my breakup. You guys all helped alot whether it was the advice or just reading your articles. My problem was we have a little girl together "who is the most prescious thing I have ever had". After about a year of hurting things finally started changing for me, getting over my ex was so difficult as we had continuous contact, I also get on really well with her family. Anyway a month ago, out of the blue I get a txt reading, "I think I still love you". I am gobsmacked, so she says she wants to try again. And for a couple of weeks it's all good. Then things start getting weird. She says she has things to deal with which are none of my business, so unlike last time when I got on at her not to let us break up, I thought i'd give her space. She seems has become very independent, and I found that i wasn't hearing from her and it was me who had to make contact, even just to say hello. Then a week ago I receive another txt saying "sorry I do still love you but don't want a relationship" all those old feelings came back and now I find myself miserable again. Another quote was "we've tryed but it hasn't worked", this is bull as she hasn't tryed at all......it all seems soooo wrong. To say I am Baffled is an understatement.....we had a little argument over the phone and she mentioned that she just doesn't trust men!!! She is happy on her own! AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH It is soooo frustrating, I feel like relocating and just getting away from her. But my little girl is too important to me. Should I just forget about it, or be patient and hope she changes her mind again???????

I have realised I have a big problem, but don't know if just going to the doc for pills will help. Does anyone know how I can get proffesional help. I am so scared I cannot carry on and want to help myself but don't know how. I will give you an example of how I am feeling. It's a long story but at this point in time I have lost the most important person in my life. After 30 years I know what it feels to love someone, reading the posts I can see the mistakes I made when we split up, I fell to pieces and drove her away totally. The problem with the no contact is we have a 1year old girl, who is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. It would take too long to into the details of how we solit up, stupidly it was my decision. When i realised how much she ment to me it was just too late. I took her on holiday but when it didn't work i fell to pieces. But it has got to the stage that I cannot physically control my emotions when i see her. Which i have to to spend time with our daugter. Yesterday i met her in town to drop of our daughter, I'd had a great day with her, and was just planning to say to my ex we'de had fun, ask how she was then leave. As usual the first thing she said that her friends were waiting in the shop next door, and i blurted out why... are they looking after your boyfriend... I know she isn't seeing anyone but I think about it so much (her meeting someone else) i convince myself its true. She gets angry, but when she walks away i try and catch her, try and apologise and end up bursting into tears... My emotions are all over the place, I miss her soo much. She said all she wanted was time, but i couldn't leave her alone and know she dosn't even speak to me and basically I can't live with the situation. I also cannot understand why i can't be stronger when i speak to her, i try so hard, even on the phone. I seem to have so much bitterness inside me and it's ruining my life. I physically cannot control myself and as a 30 year old it scares the hell out of me. Suicidal thoughts have become an everyday thought. The though of not seeing my daughter grow up scares me to. But the thought of having to watch the two most prescious things in my life without me, and probably in time with someone else. Thanks for your time..

I tryed desperately to get back with my ex, and reading this site it sems I did all the wrong things. Know she doesn't speak to me at all. As things stand she doesn't want to go down "that road" because she was so hurt in the past when I decided it wasn't working. We were together for less than a year when she fell pregnant, but everyone including her was over the moon. Except me, I had just moved to the city previously to start studying. Escaping a six year relationship which really messed me up. We had two children, but were never in love, just there for the kids whom I love very much. So when the girl I was seeing fell pregnant (but because of what i'd been through in the past) I got really scared and we split up. She loved me to bits and for months after I buried my head in the books, we stayed friends but all the time she wanted me back. After Sophies birth my veiws changed. I realised how much I loved them both but how could it work? it was just history repeating itself (well thats what i had convinced myself). Anyway four months ago things changed and my life fell to pieces. My ex moved away with my two kids and her new man, since then they have cut all contact and I have no way of getting in touch. This hurt bad, but it made me sit up and take notice of what I was throwing away with lana. I realised that all the dreams I had for when i finished uni were worthless without lana and sophie in my life so I thought some more and decided that it was really what i wanted. Then i found out that she was seeing someone else, I fell apart and caused a few arguments, she split up with him and i took her to Prague for a few days break from sophie and work but it didn't have the desired effect. We have always been friends and now because i've been pushing too hard and getting upset she doesn't want to see me anymore. We argue when were together and it just leads to us both getting upset. I just don't understand how before she was ready to settledown with me forever. How can i get these feelings back. Just before I tryed again she had just moved into a new flat, become independent with herself and sophie and said she is just enoying life with the two of them. She works really hard and I've nothing but respect for her, I totally understand how she feels, I just wish she would give me a chance know the fear has gone and i know what i want. She has changed, some of the things she says when she is angry really hurt, she has toughened up and says she doesn't want a man in her life, but deep down i have to believe we can make it work somehow. No matter how long it takes, they are my life. I simply cannot see a future without them, or rather I don't want a future without them. The thing is if it wasn't for sophie she would have no reason to speak to me at all and would just walk away. So if i look at it that way, i don't see us getting back together, but we belong together, when we were together it was so good, i just wish i hadn't compared the relationship with the last one. But i cannot blame myself too much for that as like i said it really screwed me up (to the point of trying suicide). so maybe you guys can understand why i had the fear. I cannot let this destroy my life and if there is the faintest hope of me getting the family i should have back, tell me how. She says too much has happened between us in the last year, I wasn't there for her as much as i should have been, she dosn't love me anymore and sll the usual. The problem is i'm not just working against her feelings at the moment, but that of all her friends who see her all the time and are always at her house. I don't grudge this as they are good friends and really important. But she believes everyone but me...... Anyway i've screwed up again, this time i can't see any way back. At the moment i'm just waiting for the day she starts seeing someone else. I know this is going to tear me apart. I'm trying the no contact stuff but its not working as i miss sophie so much, and it's so hard to not phone just to hear lanas voice, it always makes me feel better. I've turned into the wuss all the articles tell me not to be, but its not easy when i see them, if we start arguing we both get upset and it hurts so much because i cannot understand why, i don't want to upset her and this just makes things worse. Sorry for rabbitting on. _________________ ** H **

I tryed desperately to get back with my ex, and reading this site it sems I did all the wrong things. Know she doesn't speak to me at all. As things stand she doesn't want to go down "that road" because she was so hurt in the past when I decided it wasn't working. We were together for less than a year when she fell pregnant, but everyone including her was over the moon. Except me, I had just moved to the city previously to start studying. Escaping a six year relationship which really messed me up. We had two children, but were never in love, just there for the kids whom I love very much. So when the girl I was seeing fell pregnant (but because of what i'd been through in the past) I got really scared and we split up. She loved me to bits and for months after I buried my head in the books, we stayed friends but all the time she wanted me back. After Sophies birth my veiws changed. I realised how much I loved them both but how could it work? it was just history repeating itself (well thats what i had convinced myself). Anyway four months ago things changed and my life fell to pieces. My ex moved away with my two kids and her new man, since then they have cut all contact and I have no way of getting in touch. This hurt bad, but it made me sit up and take notice of what I was throwing away with lana. I realised that all the dreams I had for when i finished uni were worthless without lana and sophie in my life so I thought some more and decided that it was really what i wanted. Then i found out that she was seeing someone else, I fell apart and caused a few arguments, she split up with him and i took her to Prague for a few days break from sophie and work but it didn't have the desired effect. We have always been friends and now because i've been pushing too hard and getting upset she doesn't want to see me anymore. We argue when were together and it just leads to us both getting upset. I just don't understand how before she was ready to settledown with me forever. How can i get these feelings back. Just before I tryed again she had just moved into a new flat, become independent with herself and sophie and said she is just enoying life with the two of them. She works really hard and I've nothing but respect for her, I totally understand how she feels, I just wish she would give me a chance know the fear has gone and i know what i want. She has changed, some of the things she says when she is angry really hurt, she has toughened up and says she doesn't want a man in her life, but deep down i have to believe we can make it work somehow. No matter how long it takes, they are my life. I simply cannot see a future without them, or rather I don't want a future without them. The thing is if it wasn't for sophie she would have no reason to speak to me at all and would just walk away. So if i look at it that way, i don't see us getting back together, but we belong together, when we were together it was so good, i just wish i hadn't compared the relationship with the last one. But i cannot blame myself too much for that as like i said it really screwed me up (to the point of trying suicide). so maybe you guys can understand why i had the fear. I cannot let this destroy my life and if there is the faintest hope of me getting the family i should have back, tell me how. She says too much has happened between us in the last year, I wasn't there for her as much as i should have been, she dosn't love me anymore and sll the usual. The problem is i'm not just working against her feelings at the moment, but that of all her friends who see her all the time and are always at her house. I don't grudge this as they are good friends and really important. But she believes everyone but me...... Anyway i've screwed up again, this time i can't see any way back. At the moment i'm just waiting for the day she starts seeing someone else. I know this is going to tear me apart. I'm trying the no contact stuff but its not working as i miss sophie so much, and it's so hard to not phone just to hear lanas voice, it always makes me feel better. I've turned into the wuss all the articles tell me not to be, but its not easy when i see them, if we start arguing we both get upset and it hurts so much because i cannot understand why, i don't want to upset her and this just makes things worse. Sorry for rabbitting on.

Thanks, although i've heard it all before. Yes I saw a counselor during uni earlier in the year when my work went downhill. Did help speaking but gave me no answers. And don't berate Francis too much, there is alot of truth in what she said. When i first found out she was pregnant a few work mates and friends warned me about this. She hadn't told me she had come off the pill. But that hasn't changed the fact that I fell for her in a big way. To your question muneca, no, I have no way off contacting my other two at the moment. As for Lana, she dosn't contact me at all know because we argue, i'm doing my best. I've kept my distance but it's killing me. It's my night off and i've spent it in the flat with my mates and all I can think about is if she's with someone else. I can't sleep, and i've actually got a deep pain in my stomach. So is this what love feels like?? From a girls point of view, what would make you change your mind if it was possible, if you loved someone as much as she said she did, surely it's worth another go. But how do i convince her of this??

Why am I such a loser? I am a 31 year old. In my early twenties I got into a relationship with a girl who after six months became pregnant. I wasn't unhappy and I stuck by her, although there was never any love in the relationship we stayed together for six years and had two children who I adored. The problem was deep down I didn't really like my partner that much but the love i had for my kids kept me with her. Anyway the last two years of the relationship were pretty bad and I became very depressed. We split up after, not for the first time, i found out she was cheating on me. Life really went down hill after that and i wasn't seeing the kids much, after a failed suicide attempt my mates pulled me threw and I moved to Aberdeen to start studying. For the first time in my life I had something to aim for, and the chance to make something of my life. Life was great, I was meeting new friends and the kids visited regularly. Then i met a wonderful girl who i fell for in a big way, as did she. Lana was a girl i met while working part time, we were both studying but hit it off really well. We moved into a small flat and for once in my life a walked about with a smile on my face. Then after six months she fell pregnant, this came as a big shock to me and was something I hadn't even thought about. I'd had my kids and couldn't see how this would work. But lana was over the moon, as was everyone else. Her family adored me but i just couldn't be happy about it. It just felt like history was repeating itself. So I convinced myself it wouldn't work and the best thing to do would be to split up. I moved into student residence and told her i just couldn't go through what i had before. Lana was devistated and for months wanted nothing more than for us to get back together. But I consentrated on my studying and getting on with my life. I think it was a case of being scared to give up my new found freedom, even although i was miserable. I was just so scared of not being good enough. I don't quite know what made me think that way, but in January this year my life went considerably down hill. My previous partner had a shot-gun wedding before xmas, and she had mentioned that they may move to the South of England in the summer. Her now husband is in the army and based there. We were on good terms, which was hard but it ment I could see the kids often. As I said in January they anounced they were moving in a week, myself and lana drove threw to say good bye and everything seemed fine but since then we have had no contact and linzie has cut all ties. This has hit me really hard but it made me realise how much I loved lana and Sophie (who is amazing, and 1 year old next month). Anyway, I tried so hard, but it was too late. I'd lost lana aswell. She said she didn't know how she felt but didn't want anything at the time. Which I fully understood, she had just moved into a new flat with sophie and her friends are round all the time, they have a big influence on her. 8 weeks ago I took her to Prague for 3 days to give her a break and try and patch things up. everyone though we'd get back together and although it went well, since then everythings got worse. I think i have pushed her away by trying too hard and not giving her space. Know she hates me and we argue everytime we speak. I've given up uni to work full time and have moved into a flat to give me somewhere to spend time with sophie, all i want to do is to make sure that i'm here for them. It's been really hard and as our friendship has deteriorated I have been slowly crushed. I cry every time I think about them, and most times I see them. Lana has no interest in anything I say anymore and hardly gives me the time of day. The harder I try the meaner she gets and has started saying some really mean things. Reminding me that i didn't want sophie in the first place, she gets upset and i can't understand why, this makes me upset and it's the last thing I want. I can't explain how i'm feeling, I went threw a relationship which messed me up so bad that when i finally got over it and realised what i wanted, i'd lost that to. Know the most important person in my life hates me, I've missed out on the chance the be in a loving family, as apposed to the one I was in before. I've given up on the chance to work in Ghana for a few months (to fund the trip to Prague), I packed in uni to work ful time to try and help lana out, although it has been tough. Although i'm not moaning, what I don't understand is how a month before hand if i'd picked up the phone and spoke to her she would have been delighted to someone who hates me so much when all i've done is try my best to make her realise i'd made a mistake. Sorry for dragging on, and about my spelling, it's quite late... But like i said. Does anyone understand, I was just so scared of making the same mistake, how do i win her back. If there is no hope of that then i have no meaning anymore. Theres only so much I can take and I can't be a part time father again and watch the reason I have to breath disappear. Sometimes life just gives you that big middle finger, well i can't do it anymore, facing the hate in the face of someone i love so much. M