Tinydance

Possums? Lol

Well I think it's OK to have the arrangement you have if you understand it is what it is and you're fine with it. I'm originally from Eastern Europe myself but I came to Australia as a child. My parents and I knew some Eastern European women and some were "mail order brides" as you call them. We knew one who was only in her late 20's or early 30's but she was dating a man in his 60's because she wanted to get married to an Australian to stay in Australia. Surely the man knew this and that she was basically using him, but the pay off was that he had a pretty young woman on his arm. There are men and women who are fine with these kinds of arrangements because they both get something out of it. Sometimes they even stay with the same person and have kids and so on because they feel comfortable with each other and they decide to "settle". Unfortunately I think when women are deliberately looking for a foreign man online, they usually do have an agenda and that is to leave their own country. She might "like" you in the sense that you're a decent man and you can take care of her and her son. But it would be surprising to be honest if she actually truly loved you, as basically your whole relationship was online. Your real life relationship has only just started and you can see now what it really is. The problem is that yes she obviously did expect you to financially support her and her son at least for a while. As she wasn't going to be allowed to work initially. You said there's a language barrier so with her English not being good I'm not sure that she'd be able to get a job that pays very much. She would probably have to do some kind of work that doesn't require a lot of English, like a cleaner or shop assistant of some kind. Also you do need to financially support her son too because he's her child and he's not going anywhere. Some women might be of the mindset that they left their country and all their friends and family behind to be with you, so they expect you to take care of them. I guess the thing is that you must have known this relationship was kind of transactional on some level. You could be OK with it if you accept that it is. If you're not OK with it and you want a woman to actually love you for you, then you may need to date American women. Unfortunately a woman who finds you online from another country would have coming to the US as her number one reason. If it wasn't then she'd look for a man in her own country.

Look, I understand that you want to forgive her. She's your actual wife of many years not just some Tinder hookup. Of course you want to make it work. The problem is that the ball is actually in your wife's court to put the effort in to make it work, and she's not doing that. To be honest, her behaviour (at least previously) is that of someone who has one foot out the door in the marriage. You're her HUSBAND and you said "me or him", but she still keeps talking to that guy every day. Why would she choose a random guy online she'd never even met over you? Do you see what I'm getting at here? That guy shouldn't actually matter to her at all if she truly loves YOU and wants to make your marriage work. Also people usually start affairs when they're not happy in their relationship or marriage. I think she felt something was missing with you and that's why she turned to all these online people and began to ignore you. It's OK to have friends but you say she literally spent all her time with them and acted like you don't even exist. When you're married, your spouse should actually be the number one person in your life. I understand she enjoys gaming but she's made that and this guy online more important than you and your marriage. Absolutely you should NOT put up with her talking to this guy. He's not her best friend. She's never even met him. She's just bored and not happy in your marriage and she wanted attention from someone else. I think the only way to fix your relationship is for her to firstly cut that guy off. If she won't cut him off that's telling you that she doesn't really care about you or your marriage. It should be easy for her to cut him off if she was really devoted to you.

I agree with everyone else that you should probably just get to know her in person first. I think it would be too much if you told her you like her straight away. Do you think after the convention there might be an opportunity to invite her to hang out longer and have a coffee or dinner together? Keep in mind also that maybe she just wants to be friends and she may not be interested romantically. So it's probably best to act more casual about it and just have some normal conventions and see what the connection is like in person.

Well, your feelings are very valid. Just because I'm 13 years older than you, I'm not going to say that they aren't. It's interesting how different people feel though because I don't think I ever feared getting old/er. When I was in my teens I did think 30 was old lol But I wasn't actually scared of turning 30 and never really thought about it I guess. I'm 36 and I'm actually not scared of getting older even now. The only thing I was worried about is that I want to have kids and I was only concerned that my time is running out only from a biological perspective of having children. I don't really feel old or worry about getting old even now. To be honest I never really think about it. I will admit that turning 30 did seem scary but at the same time I looked forward to having a big party lol I had my party in a vintage 60's-70's themed bar and I asked prople to dress up in that style. I had about 30 people there and it was so fun! I made a photo montage of my whole life with all my friends and family in it. I actually look fondly on turning 30. After turning 30 it felt OK actually. You sort of just accept that you're in your 30's. I wouldn't say it feels ant different per se because unless you have kids, you can still do whatever you want and the world is your oyster. The wrinkles thing isn't necessary true for everyone but even if it was, so what! I think of it just as part of being older, same as teenagers might have acne. Although I must admit that I've had very oily skin (and acne sadly) all my life and it actually keeps my skin pretty elastic. I don't really even have many wrinkles. Sometimes people think I'm in my late 20's lol If you don't want too many wrinkles just eat healthy and don't smoke or drink too much alcohol. And wear sunscreen and sunglasses. The drinking part I didn't achieve but I was good with the rest of it lol Personally I've found that I like myself more as a 36-year-old. I was bullied at school for being chubby and my acne and I felt awful about myself. As a teenager I suffered from anorexia. The older I got though, the more I liked myself and my body. I'm curvy/voluptuous but I don't really mind anymore. I still have people who want to date me and some even loved that I'm more fuller figured. I used to worry so much what people thought of me in general. I was always thinking, does this person like me, what do they think of me. Now I mostly don't care lol I think the best thing not to regret your youth is to do everything you want. Do things you enjoy and strive to achieve for what you want. Do things that make you happy and when you look back on them, you smile. You will get older whether you like it or not, but if you can look back and think you've had a good time in life, it makes it worth it. One cliche tip also, don't be afraid to go for things. You know that saying, "I only regret things I didn't do." Also 23 is seriously not old. If you're going to worry about your age then at least wait until you are actually old lol

At the end I often like to eat some chocolate coz I get a sugar craving for some reason lol

Nice! 😉

Well I think right now your number one priority needs to be to get on the path to healing. I would recommend blocking her on everything and having no contact. Start planning whatever you need for your move to Arizona and keep yourself as busy as possible. I find it helps if you keep busy and you simply don't have that much time to feel terrible. Once you move the physical distance would probably make you feel more cut off from her. You also wouldn't be able to catch up with her even if you wanted. Think of your move to Arizona as future and your life with your ex as past.

I totally understand it really hurts but where I think you're going wrong is that you still keep talking to her. I think you really need to block her on everything and not speak anymore. You're really hurting so why continue torturing yourself and looking at her social media and all this? What if she starts tagging se guy on social media, do you really need to see those kinds of things? Personally I wouldn't be falling for her bs lines like: "Who knows what the future will bring, maybe we'll be together again." It sounds like she's just throwing you breadcrumbs and maybe keeping you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out with other guys. I think you should just cut her off and don't give her another chance again. She snooze, she lose! Lol

Are you sure you like her more or is she of a mindset that the man should do all the chasing? I'm not sure how old you guys are but I find especially women of my generation (I'm in my 30's) have often been brought up to "play hard to get" and let the man always go after them. Some of my female friends even went so far as to play some kind of game and deliberately seem mysterious and unavailable. Like deliberately say things like: "I don't know when I'm free next, I'm so busy". Even though they were free as a bird lol I mean, the fact that she introduced you to her family is a good sign. I understand your frustration though if you're the only one always reaching out and contacting her. Maybe at the start of dating this was somewhat acceptable but now she should be making equal effort. Have you told her how you feel about her and asked if she feels the same? Because if she doesn't feel the same there's probably no point continuing to date.

He's too busy with the hot Latin babe 😉

Well, I think it might be OK to continue talking if you don't actually allow yourself to get scammed. If she asks for anything financially, don't give anything and just stop talking to her. If she never asks at any point then you have your proof that she's not a scammer. But if you're going to speak to women overseas you need to be really careful and have your wits about you.

Actually, I'm bisexual and I'm sort of seeing a woman from Brazil. But she actually now lives in another city in Australia but it's a one hour flight. I don't think we'll really date though because she's polyamorous and I'm not. I did hook up with her though. Are you jealous Gringo!! Lol

Well my personal opinion is no harm in talking but definitely keep your options wide open. And if you can go visit her soon then I would suggest you go. How soon can you go there?

Most Latino women are with men in their own country though so I wouldn't necessarily think they love American men or something like that. Many may feel stronger connection with their own culture and language and maybe don't speak that much English.

Are you also dating other women or talking to other women? If you're enjoying talking to her and you plan to visit her soon, by all means keep going. But if I was you I would be dating others too. I was actually talking online and video calling with a guy in my state, but he lived in a rural area four hours drive away. After about three months we met in person and the date did not go well and he wasn't interested. He liked me enough on video calls but in real life he just didn't feel it. I don't think you should get too attached to this woman until you actually meet her. Keep in mind too that when someone is attractive, our mind automatically assumes they are nice and good. I think you need to try to separate appearances from who someone truly is as a person.

I guess online relationships can work in some cases but they need to transition to in person ASAP. Just talking online and on video doesn't really translate to real life

Well I would recommend going to her country as soon as possible. Just talking online and video can be a waste of time. You need to meet in real life.

I think maybe what happened was that because you met at a bar, you didn't know each other at all. He wanted to have a date to get to know you more. But on the date he realised he wasn't really feeling a spark. I think that's pretty normal. Especially when you meet at a bar and you actually know nothing about each other yet.

I hate to be a kill joy but I'm thinking that because you can't really visit her due to COVID, it might fizzle out...I don't know how things are going with COVID on your end but in my city in Australia we are in our 4th "house arrest" lockdown lol I don't think we'll be able to travel overseas until next year. I'm not sure that a purely online relationship can survive this long...But if you're lonely in lockdown it probably won't hurt to talk to a beautiful lady.

To be honest I just get suspicious of people who are really attractive but they're looking for someone from another (more well off) country. Surely they can easily meet someone in their own country. So there seems to be some kind of ulterior motive...

Well in answer to your original question...It doesn't seem like she's scamming you because she hasn't asked for anything from you. YET. I mean, most scammers won't ask for something straight away. Straight away nobody would give them anything. They need to work the person first lol Having said that, she might not be a scammer. The only problem is, when can you actually visit her? With COVID it might take months. Even a year. It would be fine to just fly to her country if we didn't have COVID but I don't see how you can travel to her in COVID?

I'm sorry but do you honestly have real feelings for this woman after talking virtually only for one month? Finding her attractive is not the same as actual deep feelings. I think you're kind of living in fantasy land. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I think African guys are hot and I'm an unmarried 36-year-old woman with no kids. But I don't want a mail order husband lol

I'm in Australia so we don't have that many Latino people here. But are you sure you're not just stereotyping? Researching about a particular partner you want just seems a bit odd to me.... I guess in the past I've read articles online about "how to find your soulmate" and things along those lines, but I've never read articles like "How to date a British guy" lol I understand some countries have a distinct culture but still not everyone just fits the same mould. It sounds to me a bit like you just have this Latina woman "fetish". I don't mean sexual sorry but you have the thing for Latina women so you researched them and are going to travel to this woman's country basically based on the fact she's Latina. To me it just seems like a successful relationship is one that happens naturally and not just based on having a thing for a certain nationality. Like, just getting out and about and meeting women and starting to get a connection as you get to know them.