Jason16264

Hello, I have posted to this forum several times in the past concerning my ex-girlfriend "Mary". Three months have passed now since me and her began talking again yet little progress has been made. Right now I just want to ignore her for good and move forward with my life. Sure, we have made love on numerous occasions, but when I ask her to define the relationship she just says, "We're talking right now...you have to call me more often." I have a stubborn will, however, and will not do so. I feel that since she broke it off last time it should be her place to make more of the effort. What really ticks me off is that she not only calls me but 1-2 times a week, each time she does the subject of our conversation centers upon why she does not make more of an effort to see me. She'll see me maybe a couple of times a month and everytime we end up making love-either the physical attraction between us remains or she is just using me to get off. She even spent the night with me twice-including a hotel room with a jacuzzi. I thought getting the room would be a romantic way to bring us back together, yet nothing has changed. I told her if this is the kind of relationship she wants then I'll find me a nice girl to spend most of my time with and use her just for sex-like a mistress. She objected and handed me the usual line, "I wanna be with you, but you have to make an effort!" I am sick of her ripping and running all the time and not making any time for me. She says she loves me, but at this point I could care less. The love I felt for her is gone, I can't even force myself to cry because she has put me through so much that it has had a numbing effect on my emotions. Her birthday is coming up in 9 days(June 10)and I am seriously considering dissing her totally. Time and again I have read the post on this site 'Use Absense to Increase Desire and Respect' and I've been trying to put it to good use. I ignored her phone call the other night and hopefully she won't call again because it is awfully tempting to answer. Maybe if I just let her go then I would make my point loud and clear-she can either make a profound effort to have me or lose me for good. I've kissed her butt so many times in the past and forgiven her for things most guys wouldn't tolerate for a second and now it is her turn in my opinion. There are so many things about her that have turned me off recently. Like I said earlier, she rips and runs everyday. She'll work from 7:30 in the morning to 3:30 in the afternoon. Later that day she'll go to her friend's apartment(which is in close proximity to my house by the way) or hang out at the mall. God only knows what-she's sleeping with somebody else probably because she doesn't look at intimacy the same way I do. I feel to have intimacy there must be a commitment. But then again, alot of my standards and values are straight from the 'Leave It To Beaver' days. She thinks she's all that riding around in her Ford Contour blasting the Bryan Adams song, "'Summer of 69'". Kind of makes you wonder why she enjoys the song so much. Isn't "69" supposed to symbolize a certain sexual act. Her friends had the gall to ask me to buy alcohol for them, which I refused. She is so impressionable and naive that come her 21st birthday, she'll probably drink right along with them. One night she came over unannounced at 10:30 with two of her friends that wanted to meet me. She was dressed like a tramp with more make up on her face she looked like a clown. She couldn't see me any other time.We got into an argument and she started crying, which her mascara ran giving her the appearance of black eyes. Then of course she ended up spending the night and stupid me made love to her. To top it all off, several guys have been chasing her. One guy at her place of work calls her numerous times during the day, follows her, and the like. She told me that somebody "tall with dark hair" came looking for her at work one day according to a supervisor. Well, they can have her. I never dreamed of the day when a headache would be a desirable thing. Whew! I'm glad I was able to rant a little bit! But my problem is this: Am I rude to ignore her birthday and just chuck everything? I've got plenty of living to do and plenty of potential to realize and everybody is telling me that I don't deserve this crap. For crying out loud, I was seriously considering giving "Mary" a Rolex for her birthday as I have never seen her with a wristwatch and I thought it would make a tasteful and thoughtful gift. After giving it some thought and seeing the lack of progress that has been made between me and her, she doesn't even deserve a Timex! For that matter she does not even deserve the mud off my shoe, she deserves nothing but to be left alone. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Take Care, Jason

Hello, Me and my ex-girlfriend have been on speaking terms since the latter part of February. She still calls me 1-2 times a week. However, I rarely take the initiative to call since it seems that everytime I make an attempt-she is either in a hurry, her line is busy, or she is simply not there. To put it bluntly, I'm frustrated! She tells me to call her everyday yet she never seems to have the time to talk to me like she used to. "Mary"(my ex-girlfriend and fiancee), came over to my house last Wednesday(April 2). It finally looked as if we were going to make up. She brought over some of her college algebra homework so I could help her on it(using me as usual). She was all over me as soon as she set her books down on the kitchen table! We haven't seen each other in over a month and she was now telling me that she wanted to make love again. She kept going on about how good I was in bed and all this other crap. Just then, her cell phone rang and it was one of her friends(a female) who lived in an apartment complex nearby. Now she started nagging me about going over there because her friend wanted to meet me. I really didn't feel like it and declined. It turns out that she yapped on the phone with this girl for nearly 10 minutes. After the conversation ended, she continued to bug me about going over there. To make a long story short, I yielded to temptation again and we made love. God has a great sense of humor-this girl is everything I envisioned as my wife, but she is making my life living hell! After we finished, she asked me if she could go over there and call me later on. I ended up running her off because I felt as if she was being rude. Here we haven't seen each other in over a month, and her other friends are so important that she just drops everything to see them as soon as they call. As a matter of fact, she supposedly saw this girl the previous evening. She didn't have to be home until 11:00, but only spent maybe an hour and a half with me before going to her friends. To me, this was a slap in the face because she keeps on emphasizing how we need to communicate if the relationship is to ever work out. The last time she was over at my house(March 1), she didn't stay long either. And what did she do that night? Spent it with her friends-probably whoring around based upon what she has done to me in the past. She accuses me of being controlling. I'm not trying to control anything. Deep down, I just wish that things would work out and we would spend alot of quality time together. If that ever came to fruition, then I wouldn't care in the least if she wanted to leave my house early to visit with her friends. I wouldn't care in the least if she spent a significant amount of time with her other friends-even male(just as long as she never crossed the line and kept it just friends). What irks me is that she is giving me mixed signals, wanting to sleep with me all the time(even suggesting we spend the night together in a hotel), and then hacking me off the way she does. I'm beginning to think all she is interested in is sex, but I want far more. She's the only girl I've ever slept with(probably as many times as Wilt Chamberlain had different partners), but I'm willing to lose her. I've had it with her crap! I want a meaningful relationship for crying out loud-sex or no sex. Was she rude for wanting to leave my house to visit with her friend even though me and her had alot of things to work out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated... Take Care, Jason

Hello, Awhile back I posted several messages to this forum entitled "Girlfriend Stopped Calling" and "Valentines Day Dilemma". Since it will be lengthy and time consuming to rehash the entire story of my relationship with "Mary", I'll get straight to the point. Me and "Mary" have known eachother for almost 6 years and have had a romantic relationship on and off during those years culminating with an engagement around Christmas 2000. We split in June, 2002, reconciled several months later, and then split again back in early January(hence, her not calling me). Over a month passed before she did call me-approximately a week after Valentine's Day. Now she is comp[laining and whining about a series of harassing telephone calls made to her recently. She says it all stems from the rejection of one her so-called best friends "Bill". While me and "Mary" were hardly speaking to eachother last Summer, she started dating somebody else. That relationship started to fall apart and "Bill" asked "Mary" to sleep with him. Since the other relationship was not officially terminated, she turned him down. Now "Bill" has stopped speaking to her and told his friends so they are calling her asking why she rejected him. In all honesty, I think the two did sleep together but it seems silly to me that his friends would call and harass her over that. What really irks me is that she never told me that some other guy asked her to sleep with him, even when we made up. She is also telling me that other guys want to be with her. She keeps asking me why "Bill" would just turn his back her like that for not sleeping with him. Furthermore, a guy with whom she attended high school(we'll call him "Kevin") suddenly popped back into her life and while me and "Mary were not speaking during January and early February, they have had dinner together several times and went bowling. "Kevin" ended up telling her that he was too busy to spend any time with her, yet has the nerve to ask her to help him move into his apartment on March 29(which I think is a ploy to get the two of them alone so he can do something to her-if he was any kind of man he'd do it himself). Again, "Mary" moans and groans to me about guys just "dropping" her. To top everything off, I saw "Mary" on March 1. She came over to my house and we talked for about an hour. I finally got sick and tired of listening to her drama so I told her to get out. She started crying and I said,"Well, you can just sit here and cry all day but I have better things to do." I started to leave the room when she grabbed my arm from behind. I turned around, and with that she threw her arms around my neck. One thing led to another and we started kissing. My hands were all over her in no time, and she did not care where I put them. We ended up making love and after that she left. Now she is still calling me 1-2 times a week, telling me the same old crap about her life. Now she is telling me that she feels as if somebody is following her. She and her friends were out walking around in her neighborhood one night when several cars, a Cadillac Escalade and something else, kept passing by them. I told her that I wouldn't worry about it, maybe they were just lost or something, but she cannot be convinced otherwise. Frankly, I am sick and tired of hearing this. What ticks me off the most is her still calling me her "Teddy Bear" and telling me that she wants to continue sleeping with me and that I need to go out and buy protection if we are to do so. I could care less about sleeping with her again because even though she tells me I was her first and only partner, I think she is full of it. If she really gave one rat's behind about me, she would spend alot of time with me, she would call me everyday even if I didn't, and she would love me for who I am and not what I have given her in the past. Despite the fact that we did make love again, she can't even answer my question as to whether or not we are back together. All she can tell me is,"Start calling me everyday and my answer will change." I refuse to call her anymore because she is not making an effort to call or see me more. It is as if she came back to rub salt in the wound. I was almost over her and here she is leading me on again. Is it worth it to talk to her again and call her more often or should I just walk away? Any advice will be greatly appreciated... Sincerely, Jason

To mermayd43 and SwingFox, Thank you both for the prompt reply to my topic. I am going to let go of her. There is too much potential in me to just allow some stupid girl to dictate my life. Now the plan is to finish school and go on to either medical or graduate school. I'm in my mid 20's but my entire life is ahead and I can live it without her. The way I see it, God took her out of my life so I can develop myself and be a stronger person-she was indirectly the cause of me withdrawing from school on several occasions. She has no idea what she lost and in time it will all come back on her, God works in mysterious ways and He sees how I've been wronged. She has done me like this before, but I always end up having the last laugh. She will soon realize if she hasn't already that this new guy of hers will not even come close and when she gets her heart broken again and comes running back to me, I'm not taking her back. This Valentine's Day will be the first time since 1998 that I have gotten her nothing. You see, we were friends up until the following year. I'm sure she expects me to suck up but when she finds no roses arriving at her door from me or a surprise visit with a gift, maybe it will dawn on her. She may start to wonder who I'm seeing now, because if I WAS desperate, I would still try calling her, seeing her at home and work, writing her, and showering her with gifts like I've done in the past. The fact is, I haven't called(other than my lapse on Jan.8), I've avoided where she works(a department store close to my home-I drive accross town to avoid going to that one), I've avoided her house, and in essense its like me and her never met. After all, if she wants to throw it all away-so be it. I'm sure her new lover is going to buy her something really nice. She's somebody else's problem and worry now. Again, thank you both for the advice. I was seriously considering doing something for her, but that will only show weakness and desperation. I'm grateful that there is a website out there to vent your frustrations about life and love in general and receive valuable insight. May God bless and take care. Sincerely, Jason

Hello, Awhile back I posted a message under the heading, "Girlfriend Stopped Calling". Obviously, she(we'll call her "Mary")is no longer with me and seeing somebody else-doing God knows what. She has not called or had any contact with me for 38 days. I know I hurt her feelings for accusing her of infidelity and taking her Christmas presents back but I feel that my reasons were legitimate: 1)She went from seeing me almost every day of the week to maybe 1 or 2 days; 2)Her cell phone bill reached nearly $200.00 at one point-her plan called for $29.95 per month; 3)She used to call every night-that diminished gradually; 3)She had dreams about "Bill", this supposed friend of hers; 4)She would mistakenly see "Bill" out in public even though it was somebody that looked like him; and 5)She stopped wearing an engagement ring that I gave her and worked my butt off for-claiming it to be too loose even though she wore it religiously a year prior despite the fact that it was loose! I even promised to make it up to her if the situation improved, but it is beyond repair-only God Himself can bring us together again. The last time we saw each other was Dec. 30-we even made love that night for crying out loud! If I recall correctly our relationship did not look doomed at all. Basically, the dilemma is this: Should I try to do something extravagant for Valentine's Day in a last ditch attempt to get her talking to me again? Or should I just let go completely? The only time I tried contacting her was Jan. 8. At that time, I just figured she was mad at me and just wanted a couple of days to herself. Since then, I have not called, wrote, or anything to acknowledge her presense. I know she is with somebody else, I'm not ignorant. He can have her for all I care. It just scares me deep down inside to think that I will never talk to her again. I've bent over backwards for her, I've been to bat for her, I've stood up for her, and in many ways I've been like the brother she never had and now, after 6 years-it's no more. I don't show it outwardly to the world, but my heart is in pieces. Again, should I make some attempt at salvaging or just let it go? Any advice would be appreciated. Take Care, Jason

Hello, Over 20 days have passed since I have seen or spoke to "Mary", a girl whom I at one time loved with all my heart and could trust fully. I met her over 5 years ago. It seems as if my first glance of her told me that she is the one. She was 15 and I was 21 at the time. We began as just friends, but over the next several years(1998 and 1999) we grew closer. Love developed between us and this relationship was on-and-off. During the "off" times she always retreated back to this loser that she met in junior high, has been to jail several times, and has been verbally and physically abusive towards her. At one point she even married this jerk(which was short lived-2 weeks). Basically, she leaves me and comes back. This greatly diminished my trust in her despite the fact that we were engaged at one point and lost our viginity to each other(supposedly-she said that nothing happened during the little marriage fiasco). We were together up until June, 2002-then we split. I started accusing her of cheating because she was calling me less and not spending as much time with me. She got uneasy, so in her usual fashion she left me again and started seeing this other guy(since her ex-husband was in jail and that option was closed). She still had the audacity to call me now and then during July and August. I stopped answering the phone at one point. A month passed and I thought I was rid of her for good-and then she calls me again in September wanting another chance. We got back together and things were great initially. However, her phone calls began to get spaced out over the course of several days and even up to a week. I didn't call her because she's griped to me in the past of smothering her so now I just back off thinking,"if she's interested, she'll call me." Furthermore, she was seeing me less and less and a recent cell phone bill of hers totaled nearly $200.00. Her excuse? She claims to be busy and friends keep calling her-hence the exorbitant bill. I work 2 jobs and attend school yet I have time to spare. I started accusing her of cheating again and the like. My suspicions were only heightened when she was acting spaced out one night around Christmas. I asked her why she was behaving this way and she told me that "Bill"(a friend of hers)had a grandfather in the hospital. She said that she dreamed about him and will "see" him out in public even though it is just somebody who looks like him. I was so incensed at this that I took her presents back and did not spend one dime on her. You see, I have already spent thousands on her(including an engagement ring-which she apparently lost by throwing it against the wall in her bedroom, after which it landed under the bed-yeah right, and cows can fly) and I have saved her butt plenty of times. In November prior to this, I wrote the b**** a check for $150.00 to make up her checking account after she overdrew it. You know what? She overdrew again around Christmas! She bought me some presents, but they were CHEAP! She gave me the nickname "Teddy Bear" so you can only imagine my presents-a box of Teddy Grahams, a box of Teddy Cheddys, a bag of Dimetapp Get Better Bear Sore Throat Pops, and some other cheapo presents. I told her that if things improved, I would make it up to her. I'm not cheap like she is and I have given her alot of nice things that I worked my butt off for. We last saw each other Dec. 30-to be honest, we even made love that night and things seemed okay. I drove her back to her house, exchanged a long kiss and "I love you". That was 20 days ago-this is now. I've not heard from her, so I assume that she got pissed at me for dissing her at Christmas and has now left me again for someone else. In the meantime, I am trying to meet new people and move on with my life. I'm not calling her, sending flowers, or having any contact with her. She has done this before and I refuse to give her the satisfaction. Am I right for doing this? Who appears to be in the right-me or her? I'm starting to feel like I'm the one that goofed but it is all too familiar. I'm not going to be the doormat this time.