Scout

It sounds like she might be waiting for you to officially invite her to spend spring break with you. If you'd like that, too....why don't you?

Thanks so much for replying so quickly!! Thank you for the compliments I do have 2 handsome little guys!! A few things he he cannot quit touching are the t.v. the other day i went to the bathroom i was in there about 2 mins and i came out and he pulled all the keys off of my laptop,( we have told him time and time again not to touch the computer).

Some battles you may have to choose your strategies a little differently. In this case, I'd just move the laptop out of his reach until he's old enough to really understand no/why he can't touch it, or at least to resist the temptation to touch it.

Donna, congratulations for not having quite lost your sanity yet. Boy, I feel for you, because toddlers and a new baby are a handful, no doubt about it.

I think it's important to understand that even if you do find an ideal method of discipline for a toddler, it may take a while for it to actually start working. As toddlers' don't have the cognitive abilities yet to catch on as fast as older children do. SO - just as important will be for you to practice some stress-reducing techniques, because let's face it, there isn't an overnight solution to this so you might as well at least feel calmer and less stressed in the interim.

Some possible ideas...

1. Have you heard of a book series called Love and Logic? According to their website, it's "a philosophy of raising and teaching children which allows adults to be happier, empowered, and more skilled in the interactions with children. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices. Love and Logic is a way of working with children that puts parents and teachers back in control, teaches children to be responsible, and prepares young people to live in the real world, with its many choices and consequences." You can learn more about them and order some of their books at their website (or off of Amazon) at: link removed

2. When's the last time you spent some time with...Donna? You absolutely cannot be a mom 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, without some personal downtime for yourself. Is it possible you can take at least an hour a day all to yourself, and a couple times a week, get out of the house on your own? I think this will really help you keep your perspective more balanced. Because the more you start to feel your sole purpose is to be a parent, the more stress you are heaping on yourself everytime something goes wrong, or at least doesn't go the way it does on Leave it to Beaver.

So if you can take some extra time for yourself for breakfast, or an evening walk...that would be a good start.

Also, remember to laugh. Check out some of Erman Bombeck's books about parenting. There is no funnier humorist in America on the subject of parenting than Erma!

First it may well be true that his grandmother baked cake for her. It is not unusual that family members become friends with and very fond of SOs and don't want to lose touch when the relationship is done with. He may not have wanted to upset his grandmother by refusing. And it may be that he sees no reason to be unfriendly with his ex.

All this is possible, too.

It's not so much the accidental name calling that raises an alarm bell with me, as the fact that she's hanging out at his apartment still - supposedly just to pick up pound cake his grandmother baked for her? Now, why after they broke up over a year ago would his grandmother be baking cakes for her, instead of you?

I could be wrong, but something just doesn't seem to be adding up here.

What are the main things you two do have in common, if any? I can't imagine being with someone for over a year if there was nothing you could relate to about them.

Do you know why they broke up? Has he talked much about her/their prior relationship? Our gut instinct can usually tell us if a boyfriend is over an ex or not. What is your own telling you?

You want to sign up for helping your hubby feel less guilty about having an affair?

 

No way am I gonna help you to do that. lol. C'mon, you know that is silly!

I have to say I agree with this. And last I checked, you don't help someone break an addiction to pills by sleeping with them.

Hi, here, and welcome to eNotalone. I can't give any kind of informed opinion at this point about your engagement, but did have a few questions.

You said she has lupus, "probably." Has she been diagnosed with it yet? If not, has she definitely been diagnosed by a medical professional for some kind of autoimmune disease, and if so, when?

Because I am wondering if you found out about this before/after the engagement was made. I'm not judging you either way. It's very easy to sit here and give opinions, but unless one is actually in the situation, who knows how we would deal with it? Marrying someone with a disease implies a commitment to be their caretaker for life. That's a big responsibility.

What are your plans this weekend for meeting women?

LOL, good question, Quietgrl! However, I would keep in mind - the original poster didn't seem to have problems meeting women. His problem seemed to be that he couldn't sustain relationships with them.

So it's not just a matter of how to meet people. It's also about meeting people who are truly kindred spirits, and then earning how to forge deeper connections with them.

I completely understand your sadness about losing, in a sense, your relationship with her daughter. But perhaps this will all serve as a well-deserved lesson for her mother, and maybe even have her take stock of what kind of person she is right now. And hopefully, make the right changes.

But if you stay with her, she'll have absolutely no incentive to do this. Plus, it's going to take a loooooong time, if ever, for this woman to see the error of her ways.

For the OP's sake, what would say is a safe time period to date someone when they have come out of a relationship?

When they are completely over their ex. For some people, that may take years.

I never dated people who were just coming out of a relationship. Because it never, ever, ever works out.

Well, what she said is what I would want to hear if I were in your situation, and for all you know, she isn't taking his calls anymore. But even if she did decide not to and it wouldn't make you feel better about the situation, then something else is going on with you about this. What do you suppose that could be? Do you feel threatened, insecure, somehow that your girlfriend has had other sexual experience besides being with you? Do you view her in a less respectful light because of this?

Ok, well that gives me a little more insight into the situation. Sorry, your first post came accross to me as really jealous over something that happened years ago, thus, my initial take. HOWEVER...in your place, I would not be cool with some girl who still had feelings for my boyfriend calling him - and him taking the calls.

When you talked to your girlfriend about this, how did the conversation go?

Hmmm...I have found the kinds of guys who actually appreciate it when you do things like that are the ones that don't necessarily assume or expect it's a woman's place to. It's the ones who will tell you your place is in the kitchen who won't ever thank you for a nicely cooked meal!

So, while I like taking care of my boyfriend in terms of cooking, I wouldn't do it if he was a neanderthal who expected me to. I only enjoy playing some traditional roles if it's not required of me to do so.

But that's because I never liked being told I'm "supposed" to do or be something.

I used to do that, but I also live in a neighborhood where there are lots of mom and pop owned places, and everyone is kind of acquainted. So, it wasn't like going to some ghastly anonymous chain bar or restaurant.

I say go for it, and treat yourself to a snazzy drink and appetizer!

i think the reason it bothers me so much is because he is still in her life.

That's understandable. To what extent and in what manner is he in her life? Where do they see or talk to each other?

Apparently, I know someone's gonna read this and say some mundane, charital sound-bite about how we should be "thankful" for what we have...

Thanks, as always, for your high estimation of our feedback, Cynical Guitarist.

Just out of curiosity, can you name three things that, if you could have or do, would make your life more meaningful and worth living?

Ok, I just saw in one of your previous threads that she gave you the number.You know, you could do a phone number look up to see who it belongs to. There are several free websites that allow you to do that. It may or may not give her name, though.

At any rate, it doesn't sound like she's interested, and what's more, she's behaving rather callously about it, to boot. Sorry about that, friend...but that's how a rude girl's mind works, not how a girl's mind works in general. In reference to your thread title.

Looking back, I can recall one or two kindred spirits (I don't believe in soul mates in the sense that we only have one) that I should have appreciated more and done things differently with. But I feel my current boyfriend is a kindred spirit, too, so I don't really have any regrets I'm not with those people.

How did you get her phone number?

I'm going to assume you have very high ideals for your partners. So in this case, I think you have two choices. Either break up with your girlfriend and look for a virgin with a spotless past record as her replacement, or adjust your ideals.

As women, we have control over whether or not we keep the baby (and with good reason, of course, since it involves our bodies). Sometimes guys can feel trapped and cut out of the equation.

Bottom line, they are cut out of the equation on this decision, because it is ultimately in our control whether we can have the child or not.

However, it is entirely within their control to impregnate someone or not.

I use Aleve for my cramps, but if you have a sensitive stomach, they can be a little rough on it. However, they've always been the best pain reliever for me for cramps, as they don't leave me feeling groggy and out of it, plus they work.

I've also noticed when I exercise a lot for several days, even a week before my period, the cramps are nowhere near as bad. Also, take vitamins leading up to your period and make sure you get lots of potassium.