Scout

That's exactly what the people discovered on the stay-at-home-parenting website I referenced. It's not worth it unless you have a really high-paying job, and even then...the emotional costs aren't factored in. Because how can you put a price on those?

The ironic thing is, if she had stayed home and you were working, she'd probably be advising the opposite.

Anyway, I was reading about stay-at-home-parenting just the other day. Often, it ends up costing the family more money when both parents work than if just one did, because you have to factor in transportation, business clothes, lunches at restaurants, daycare, and other expenses.

It seems to me you have your hands full with three kids right now. And another thing, working from home can be just as distracting. I know a couple of women who work from home, and they've still had to hire nannies. You've got calls you need to make, work you need to do...you need few distractions, and three kids are a pretty big distraction!

And personally, if I had three kids already, the last thing I would want to do is open up a daycare center, lol.

I think that the two-income ideal often lands people in major debt. It seems you and your husband have mastered the difficult art of adhering to a sensible budget, and managing to keep your heads above water. You've got a roof over your head, food on the table, and a happy home life.

Now, if you feel personally you'd like a little something else in your life at some point to focus on, why does it have to be a job, per sec? Why not volunteer for a cause both you and your husband believe in? I have a very good friend whose husband is the primary breadwinner, but she volunteers probably sixty hours a week for various animal rights issues. He shares her passion for animal rights, and he considers her volunteering a JOINT effort on both their part. A lot of people might not understand this, as we tend to think our life is defined either solely by our career, or our family. But there are other things in life that matter, too.

Call them up right away and tell them you feel the same?

I would definitely call them.

I don't see it getting any easier anytime soon, but maybe if I try hard enough it will eventually.

Yes, persistence and determination are about the best tools anyone can have to get through tough times. It also helps to have support - which you certainly have here, friend.

As a person who grew up without a father, I want to commend you on rising to the challenge of being one. It's going to make a world of difference to your child for you just being there and loving him. In his eyes, that will be a perfect dad.

Yes she could be materialistic and high maintenance but she could also be reading a lot into all this and think it means you don't care enough.

Based on his other threads, she definitely seems to have some characteristics of the former. BUT - in all fairness, the jewelry and diamond industries have been mass marketing for years the message that how much someone spends on a piece of jewelry for someone shows how much he really cares. It's disgusting, in my point of view, and often results in situations just like this. The sad fact is, seemingly intelligent and kind women can become jerks about their engagement rings because of the unscrupulous industry marketing tactics.

That's not an excuse for her behavior, though. She has taken it very far by actually getting another ring to show him and then stating she will now not wear her current ring.

Yeah, she really does sound high maintenance.

Unfortunately, it's not an easy situation because of how much you love the little girl, too.

Is it possible you two could to go counseling? I mean, if you feel bad about just breaking off the engagement, you could say, well, I'm willing to try counseling first to see if we can possibly work our issues out.

Well, I think it can be common for families to be nosey because they feel responsible. They think that baby is part of their family and it's their job to help.

That's a good point, and one I'll try to keep in mind, myself. Because I have also experienced the strong (and unasked for) opinions, as Bella has. Everything from my sister ripping into the name I first picked out, to my boyfriend's sister telling us, "Make sure she doesn't use pain relief! It's bad for the baby! She should have a totally natural childbirth!"

Hi, Caro...your doubts are definitely normal! I had many of the same. What will make everything seem more real to you is when you get your first ultrasound. I had mine this week, and I have to say, seeing that tiny little thing on the screen moving about, and seeing it's little heartbeat...well, I got tears in my eyes and very happy that it was there!

Of course, I still have worries and concerns, but that's our way of preparing for a really big job ahead of us! Rewarding, yes, but definitely big.

Spa Treatmant/Massage.

 

If you are in a big city there will often be places that specialise in these treatments for pregnant women.

 

or maybe a house cleaning service. You know, get someone in to spring clean the house (before she starts nesting).

oops, looks like Rich and others beat me to the spa idea, already. The housekeeping service gift is a good one, too!

Hi Everyone,

My girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and I want to get her something just because I know she has been going through a lot with working all the time to save and hasnt had much time to do any relaxing...I am wondering if I can get some suggestions on something you would appreciate from your Husband or Boyfriend. Something that would make you smile and feel appreciated. Thank you

What a sweet idea! Your girl is very lucky.

Now, I'm going to rip off an idea from another poster, who wanted to get his girlfriend of just two weeks this present. At the time, I said I thought the idea was to extravagant for such a short time knowing her. But I think it's a perfect gift for your situation: a gift certificate to a day spa! She would probably love a day of being indulged.

And Scout, forgive my ignorance, but who was Emily Post?

She was a famous etiquette expert.

See, this kind of behaviour is why I generally dont like women.

Who is to say women like this aren't the minority, though? Look how many female posters on here are expressing outrage at his fiance's actions.

Hey there,

 

I distinctly remember your predicament with your girlfriend/fiancee a YEAR ago.

 

 

 

Nothing, my friend, nothing has changed in a year. I would sincerely re-think this whole engagement. I think she is more in love with the prospect of getting married and all the material things that go with it rather than loving YOU and what the word MARRIAGE means.

Ditto that. Consider this latest incident your last big warning sign from the heavens above, friend.

Hi, Tom...first and foremost, I want to commend you on having the plain common sense to put your foot down about not spending more on a ring than you can afford. That took backbone, and it was exactly what you should have done, in my opinion.

I am very, very sorry your fiance even introduced such a tacky problem. If Emily Post was alive and read your post, she would take that girl to task!

I take it your fiance thinks a big ring is more classy. Yet with her actions, she just revealed how truly classless she is. I'm sorry to say that, as I know you care about her. But reading about that honestly made me shudder.

Your fiance should also do some research on the diamond industry one day. It's one of the biggest rip-off scams ever. There is actually an oversupply of diamonds, yet the industry has created an illusion of these gems as rare. They aren't. Let's put it this way. If you bought a big diamond, then tried to resell it...you probably wouldn't even get half back what you originally paid.

In fact, it's the diamond industry who created the edict "Two months salary," in terms of what an engagement ring should cost, not any respected etiquette expert.

There are plenty of people out there in the world who need help who aren't verbally abusive name callers with sex addictions. I'd expend your energy on those people, not this guy.

This is just some guy you met off the Internet. You don't really know him. You said he's like Jekyll and Hyde. Frankly, this situation sounds scary as hell to me. I just don't see the appeal.

My congrats is a bit late, but heartfelt all the same, BTR! I'm so happy for you, and little Daniel sounds like a gorgeous baby!

However, your description of the pain of labor is making me whimper in fear. Gulp!

If it's the same guy you've been talking about in your previous threads, I have to say I'm concerned for you, not him. Why on earth have you picked such a person to be "friends" with? What could you possibly be getting out of such a "friendship"?

I'm sorry, but I don't get this. It sounds to me like you're setting yourself up to be some kind of victim.

Is it this guy?

Do you find the job kind of dull? Their business kind of dull? If so, no point in forcing interest in something you don't feel. Maybe this is a sign the job and this company isn't for you.

insecure, I hope what I'm going to say won't make you roll your eyes. But...no one ever gives thought to if fathers can suffer from post-partum depression, and I don't see why. After all, they've got just as big of a new responsibility.

Plus, having a child makes us relive our own childhood memories in a way, and I'm thinking that perhaps the birth of your son has triggered a lot of the pain you experienced with your father. Of course, it sounds like other things are going on, too, but I get the impressoin your depression has been pretty intense since your son was born.

By the way, this doesn't have any kind of reflection whatsoever on the love you have for your son, which I believe you have an immense amount of.

I recently found out I was pregnant, and while I'm surprised and happy, it has also made me depressed in many ways. I realize, hey, I gotta shape up and finally grow up. Will I be a good parent, or will I make the same mistakes my parents did? Can I provide for this child? Can I raise them into a decent human being?

It's a hell of a lot of responsibility, but at least one indicator of the depression is that at least it shows I'm concerned and care about the outcome for my child.

Give it some thought. It may be very much connected to your son's birth. If so, find a therapist who specializes in such issues. Or in the meantime, keep talking to us about your fears and worries. That's exactly what this forum is here for.

Also, I really like the response from "trash mail". I remember one time a guy who went to court for abusing a dog. When he cam out, the animal rights people were there to scream at him. Would the same thing happen if he abused a child? Probably not.

Well, for starters, child abuse laws actually carry strong penalties and are enforced. If they weren't, there would be a LOT of people protesting at the court houses when some child abuser gets off with a ridiculously light sentence, and in the few cases where that happens, how do you know there aren't people protesting at those? And how come more people aren't protesting when animal abusers get off with a slap on the wrist? If for no other reason than that people who torture and kill animals often move on to doing the same to humans.

At any rate, I wish someone could explain to me why it's automatically assumed that if you are active in animal rights, you could care less about human beings.

As an animal rights advocate, I can't tell you how many protests I have attended where some person got in my face and screamed, "Why don't you care about people?"

For some reason, animal rights issues really threaten certain people. I just don't get it. Especially when you consider there are far more laws and protection on the books for people than animals.

Case in point. Two brothers in Atlanta were recently convicted of torturing a puppy that had trustingly followed them around throughout an apartment complex. They broke into the complex's community center, bound the puppy with duct tape, covered it in paint, and then threw it in an oven where they baked it alive.

If they'd done that to a person, they'd have gotten the death penalty.

Instead, they got ten years. And a lot of that sentence was because they broke into the community center...not for torturing that helpless puppy.

If I had lived in Atlanta, you're damn right I would have been at that courthouse.

I just think too often the term "Nice" guy is misworded. For example, JamesJ30t raises some good observations, but instead of calling them "nice guys" I would call them "passive, have no identity of their own" guys.

My boyfriend truly is a nice guy in the real sense - he's kind, considerate, and has integrity. However, he also has a backbone and is not a pushover.

Hi, Chickidee...well, I'm not a medical professional and so this isn't an area I'm at all knowledgeable about. I can give you my "armchair opinion," but if it's worth anything...well, that's debatable.

I guess one thing I believe is that we have become quick to apply medical labels to issues that might just be chalked up to plain immaturity, or lack of self-control.

I don't know how old you are, but when I was younger, and still to an extent, I had a stress management problem that was pretty significant. I simply did not have the right coping skills to deal with life's problems, to deal with my relationships, and to deal with my own feelings of insecurity. So this would play out in tantrums, impulsive actions, and so on.

For me, anyway, it was learning how to deal with my stress in more healthy ways, instead of taking it out on others, or "partying," if you get my drift.

So, long story short...I am not sure if what you describe is "bi-polar," instead of a lack of understanding in how to deal more effectively with stress in your life.

Now, I would point out your talk with your boyfriend last night sounds pretty healthy, and that might be why you feel so good today. You actually dealt with conflict in a more positive way for a change.

What do you think?

Hi, Ash...no, I just had one very brief episode yesterday morning, and that was all I've had to date.

I don't have any food aversions except I don't crave or want coffee, anymore. In fact, the thought of it makes me feel slightly repelled.

Interestingly, I did have a very light episode of morning sickness today, for the first time...I actually threw up, but only a very, very minimal amount, and then I felt fine...(sorry if TMI)

Hi...I think your feelings of concern are very understandable, and admirable, to boot.

Unfortunately...and this is going to "seem" rather cold...but for some people, the only help that really works is facing the consequences of their actions. In your ex's case, I can practically guarantee you if you got back together with him, his blind rages would appear again.

Only when we lose something dear to us, will some of us ever finally take responsibility for our actions. And sadly, for a few, even that won't work.

But putting up with it will definitely not help.

I think you've done what you can, and that was a lot more than many others would have done. In other words, I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him.

link removed can find anybody.

This just happened, though. It takes time for new address and phone information to appear in a database that a company like intelius would have.