Scout

kdlover, you poor thing! ((BIG HUGS)) I feel so terrible you went through so much pain. I don't mean to sound like an old fogey, but young love can be the most hurtful of all sometimes. It's bad enough, we don't need to make it worse by hurting ourselves, though. I hope you won't cut yourself the next time you hurt...but will instead, come here for support. Or turn to a friend in "real life."

How are you feeling today?

Thanks, Scotcha! It's still very early, I'm only eight weeks.

Unless this triggers some underlying important issue between you

Just out of curiosity, Scotcha...does it?

Scotcha, I have long suspected that more people end up getting married as the result of a mutual discussion than a formal proposal. Seriously, I really think this.

My boyfriend and I had talked about it before, but it was sort of a nebulous, "give it a year or two" kind of discussion. Recently, I found out I was pregnant. He said, "Maybe we should go ahead and get married." I replied, "I guess this means I'm not getting a proposal." LOL. Anyway, I told him I want to get married when we have the means to do so, and that will not be until after the baby is born. WAY after. So...long story short, I bet we'll just decide on a mutual date at some point, and we won't have a proposal, either.

Really, I think a lot more couples than you realize kind of come to this decision together instead of an official proposal sparking it.

I do understand your feelings, though. We gals get these fairy tale ideas crammed in our heads from the minute we're born, and it places an awful lot of expectations on things. But really, you're right...it's the marriage you think you two will have that matters.

I'm eight weeks along, and so far, haven't experienced it. I've had a couple of instances where I felt light nausea, but that was it.

Is this normal?

Thanks for all the helpful advice guys. I've decided that I don't even want to talk to him so I think I'm going to take BellaDonna'a advice for now and then talk to him later if I must. I just know I'm hurting and if I talk to him on the phone right now he'll probably just fill my head up with charming empty words again. I think it's best I just avoid contact for a while until I recover a bit.

 

But thanks so much everyone. I appreciate all your advice.

I think Bella's advice is excellent, too. You should definitely send him the link and then cut off contact.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but know that this is a place where you will always get the support and encouragement you need to make the right choices for your emotional well-being.

Thanks Ellie, and thanks the yang to the worlds yin.

 

I have to say though, what does it take to get more responses from people here? ENA feels like a popularity contest sometimes and I'm well over it.

Caro, if it's any consolation, I've been coming to eNotalone for almost three years and rarely came to the pregnancy forum until I got pregnant. So, it may be there just aren't a lot of pregnant people on here in comparison to heartbroken, lovelorn people.

Anyway, i've been cramping for about six weeks now. As it's not accompanied by spotting, nor anywhere near intense as menstrual cramps, I've been told it's probably normal. I have an ultra sound planned for next monday to make sure everything actually is. I'm eight weeks.

My advice is to make sure you're taking care of yourself. Period. Exercise a little every day, eat healthy foods, get lots of sleep and lots of water.

 

My doctor was on me ALL the time about how much weight I had gained. I wasn't eating anything really that different than before I got pregnant, so I kinda just took her advice with a grain of salt.

 

I ended up gaining like 50 pounds. It hasn't even been a week since I had the baby and I already lost 30. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I'm so much smaller and close to my regular size.

 

Enjoy pregnancy and don't worry about numbers. It's quality, not quantity!

 

Are you breastfeeding? Because I heard that really helps to take the weight off.

What has been your experience of weight gain in early pregnancy?

 

I get the impression that it's minimal in the first months, and the books tend to encourage that perspective. However, I am bloating and ballooning, and it's not down to eating too much. I am only 5 weeks in and I can't fit into anything! My chest has gone up 2 inches in the last week, and my stomach (previously reasonably small) has thickened out. I think I have put on a couple of kilos or so in the last two weeks, and particularly since mid last week.

 

I am one of those curvy, bigger hipped people, and I'm older (34) so maybe that also makes a difference.

Thank God for your post! I was convinced I was going to become the world's biggest pregnant person in her first trimester. I am 37, and was already at 140 when I found out I got pregnant. And I've since gained eight pounds more - and I'm only halfway through my first trimester!

I am absolutely aghast. I've always had a sturdy build, except in early to mid twenties when I had some eating issues and got down to 98 lbs (which was awfully unhealthy, I know, and I never want to get that skinny again). But this is ridiculous. As soon as it gets warmer again, I'm going to resume swimming laps at the rec center, and I've also been trying to take long walks with my dogs when I can. But I'm soooooo tired right now. Plus, it's so cold outside, I just don't have much energy or will to do hardly any exercise.

A previous boyfriend and I went to a hot springs pool one year for Valentine's Day. That was lots of fun.

My current (and hopefully, my last!) boyfriend and I don't really have much planned this Valentine's Day. He keeps asking me what I want to do, but honestly, I just don't really care about the holiday that much anymore. Maybe because I'm getting older, but also, he is so sweet and considerate throughout the year, and romantic, too. So, by the time the "official" day for it comes around, I actually have to remind myself of it.

Well, he's saying one thing that is completely opposite from what he's actually doing. The guy has a personal ad up for "erotic chat and group sex" among other activities.

You can take his word, or you can take his actions. It's really a pretty straightforward choice.

What concerns me is you're worried about "hurting" him by confronting him on this. I have a feeling you're going to close your eyes to this, and that's really too bad for your sake.

I absolutely hate to generalize, but I have to say I'm on board with Heloladies' viewpoint here. Very often, once a female is done, she's done. It may take her a long time to get there, so that also reinforces her decision.

Especially if the reason is they're "bored and fell out of love."

So in your case, I would definitely go with NC until you're in a much stronger place emotionally. It very likely won't bring her back, but it will save your self-respect and dignity.

All, I think about is if the babys going to be healthy.

I'm halfway through my first trimester and feel the same way. The reason is because everytime I turn around, some new article is telling me this or that is dangerous to an unborn baby. We absolutely live in a culture of fear about everything.

I have finally had to tell myself that pioneer women used to give birth in the rain under a wagon and had no time to rest before they had to get back on the wagon trail, lol. It puts things in perspective.

I would be surprised if this guy hasn't cheated already. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship, anyway? Surely you could find someone close by who is also trustworthy?

There definitely is something wrong with her thinking and actions about this. It's like she wants the attention of both of you.

Another real possibility is she knows that her choices caused you a lot of pain, and she feels guilty for that. If you are civil and friendly to her, that "lets her off the hook" so to speak.

Don't even fall for this. I think her wrapping up the ring like that was actually pretty insensitive, considering everything she has done. This isn't a "Girl" thing, this is an "Insensitive Wishy Washy Ex" thing.

Rabican, I am not using being in a warzone as an excuse for emotional infidelity (if that's indeed what transpired), however, I am trying to help the poster put herself in her husband's shoes. Likewise, I suggest he do the same to understand how all this has made his wife feel.

I personally believe when we at least try to understand another person's perspective, we are in a better place to work with them on finding a solution to whatever is causing discord.

At the end of the day, this woman loves her husband and I believe he loves her. What is important is that both commit to using the incredible strength of their love to get past this rocky place in their marriage. They are going to have to work together to do it. True remorse and true forgiveness will be called for, and I don't think either can experience the other if they can't put themselves in their partners' shoes.

And I have to add, I think your comparison about being a sportsbike rider with fighting in a war is very shaky, at best. This is something you have a choice to do, and it is not a situation you are in every minute of the day.

No. I was looking for reassurance

 

and my outlook on dogs vs. people is not a product of unresolved anger towards the family pooch for getting more attention.

 

Are you sure about that?

Maybe this issue could be better argued as the difference between men and women, or a small aspect of the differences.

 

LOL, re-read one of my last posts about how my boyfriend is with my dogs!

But I don't understand how people take a dog in like its a person...dogs are dogs, not people.

No, they are not people, that's for sure. There are many differences. Dogs are generally more trusting than people, more able to give unconditional love, and do not ask for much. That's why it's so sad to me when they are mistreated. There is something so innocent about dogs...they really do live in the moment, and are fascinated with the tiniest little details of their surroundings. They could teach us humans a thing or two about attaining happiness if we really observed them.

How in the world did your mom raise a kid who's not into dogs like she is?

I just mean that abusing a dog and abusing a child are defined differently. Jerking a kid around by their shirt is one thing, but grabbing a dog by the collar.. come on. Spanking the dog...??

 

Why is discipline, in general, always frowned upon? I DO UNDERSTAND there is a fine line between abuse and discipline, and if someone was doing that to my CHILD I would have their head. But a dog...I guess I fail to see how one can be so connected to a dog.

I guess I don't see the difference between abusing a child and a dog. I don't think it's wrong to do one thing, and no big deal to do the other, just because one is human and one is not. What I do believe is we have an obligation to treat with kindness and fairness any being less powerful than we are. That's just a code of honor, plain and simple.

Also, he didn't just grab the dog by his collar. I've grabbed my dogs by the collar, when they were about to run into the street or something. He grabbed this dog's choke chain, and pulled it very tight...because the dog was throwing up. That's not discipline, that's punishment for the poor dog being sick! It was also stupid and senseless and cruel. Discipline is about control and teaching an animal (or child) to behave. This guy appears to not even be able to control his anger towards a small dog about a tenth of his size, and all he's teaching the poor dog to do is to hate him and become fearful and aggressive.

And anyone who owns a dog should also know that if you hit them for doing something hours ago, they will have no idea what the hell you are hitting them for.

I get the feeling you don't own a dog.

I guess I fail to see how one can be so connected to a dog.

And I can't explain to you how, people either do or don't have compassion for animals. Some people feel animals are of little importance, and have zero rights. I remember reading on a message board about the Moulder brothers arrest (the two brothers that threw a live puppy in a 500 degree oven and essentially cooked it to death). Most people were outraged and said they should be taken off the streets forever. Others expressed similar opinions that you seem to feel about animals...it's just a dog, so what's the big deal?

I understand not wanting the dog to be ABUSED, but it needs discipline. ITS A DOG.

....and??? What are you saying...that this is discipline, not abuse? Not clear on what you mean.

Do you mind giving some details on what he specifically said? Do you remember?

I feel like a horrible dog mommy, so I changed my Avatar so everyone can see the little demon dog I love so much.

 

Thanks again everyone, I feel horrible, but atleast I know how to handle it now.

It would be so sad to see such an adorable dog become miserable and fearful. Now, you won't let that happen, will you?

Listen, my dogs are both a little on the wild side, too. They get into their share of trouble, that's for sure. One of my pooches loves to get into the garbage, and my other dog practically knocks down anyone who walks through the door in his excitement to say hello to them. As young dogs, they also destroyed their fair share of my possessions. But that wouldn't have made it right for me to have inflicted harm on them, to be mean, impatient, and to isolate them to a lonely part of the house. Today, they are as sweet as can be. Still wild, but they don't have a mean bone in their bodies towards humans, and I plan to keep it that way.

It's true, dogs become aggressive to humans out of fear. And dogs are more intuitive than people realize, they know which humans are fearful.

My mother gave me a great piece of advice once, which may sound deceptively simple to some, but here it was: "Pick a guy whose good to his mom and kind to animals." One of the reasons why I fell in love with my boyfriend was how good he was to my dogs. He's so loving, and he's just like a dog himself around them, lol. Every night when he gets home, he gets on the ground and wrestles and plays with them both. He had no objection to my dogs sleeping on the bed, in fact, he said, "Well, of course I don't mind! That's where they've always slept and way before I came around!" He also spoils them with toys and treats...he truly loves my dogs! And in turn, that is one of the reasons why I love him so deeply.