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Thread: Did I make a mistake somewhere down the road?

  1. #1
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    Did I make a mistake somewhere down the road?

    Hey guys. I have been posting stuff here a couple of times... about the same relationship actually. Anyway I am highly analytical but mindblowingly bad at reviewing my own situation. So without futher due, here is my story, and any advice is deeply appreciated.

    Long story short, my ex and I were together for allmost 2 years. It was the best time of my life. She ended up dumping me twice within a couple of months telling me she didn't love me anymore and needed to figure out her stuff. She had been extremely stressed about her studies, and I had also been feeling down. We were still living together for allmost 3 months, and during those months, we got pretty close again. She moved out, but we still saw alot to each other doing couple stuff like cuddling, kissing and enjoying each others company. For a time it seemed like it was what she really wanted. We did however agree that we would take no more than one step at a time. But from here on nothing aditionally happened. I wanted her to make up her mind, which she couldn't, because she still had her exams. I felt like I was the one making sure that we had this "relationship" by making the contact, as she became more distant, when we weren't together - I had to personally call her to figure out if she had passed her exams(which she did with all except 1), where I had expected her to make contact, because I had been there for her the whole time. Eventually I got tired of it and hurt, as it didn't seem that she cared for me the same way - she even told me if word got out about us seeing each other, she would deny it all, as we have the same friends (talking about a slap in the face). She was going away on a vacation, and I told her, that by the time, she got home, I wanted an answer from her. In the meantime I got this really important summer vacation job far away, so I wanted things to be clear, when I left, which was a little difficult. I wrote to her that I wanted things to work out between us, but I didn't have any clue, what she wanted. I wrote that I could easily come by a weekend, so we could work things out once and for all, but I also felt like I had done enough, so she would have to come by, if she really wanted it to happen - if she didn't, I would take it as a clear sign that things between us were over for good. I then called her the day I left(the same day she got home), and she told me, that she wouln't come, because she had to figure out her life. She wanted to stay in contact, especially because we have a mutual interest with mutual friends, but I told her, I could never do that, because I would never be able to move on. So we are now in NC.

    My guts tell me that I made the right decision. I am nowhere near perfect myself, but even writing this it makes me a little angry, cause she upviously didn't feel the same and still didn't tell me. Deep down I think, she knew from the start, that she would never come back, and allthough I was the one making things happen, I still feel used, because she let it happen. But my feelings make me question myself, if I made the right decision, and if I should have acted differently at some point. If she at one point tells me, she wants to be together again, I honestly think I would say yes(some serious talking first though, but still embarrassed to say it) - love truly makes you blind... What do you guys think? As allways I appreciate any thoughts.

  2. #2
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    People will tell you the truth. Believe them. She told you she didn't love you.

    The fact that she still wanted to cuddle and stuff shows that she wanted her cake and wanted to eat it, too.
    Let her have all the time she needs to figure things out: forever. And don't look back.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Are you a student also? Failing one exam is as bad as failing at all of them so it's no surprise that she's questioning her focus and what she's doing with her time. Her reasons for withdrawing seem consistent throughout. It's you that's not understanding or respecting her wishes. You may feel neglected and hurt but she's really not equipped to maintain a relationship right now and her studies are failing at the moment.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I think it's very sad that after she said she would deny being your girlfriend if she heard anyone saying it, you would still be sitting around wondering if she will change her mind.

    She's given you every indication that she wants out of this relationship. You're allowing her to throw breadcrumbs at you. Please stop doing that. You made the right choice. Stick to it.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You did the right thing. She is wishy washy. She first tells you that she needs to figure her stuff while desiring to remain in contact due to mutual friends. Sorry, you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

    Listen to your gut because it's always right. NC is best so you can move on. Make a clean break and keep moving forward.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Are you a student also? Failing one exam is as bad as failing at all of them so it's no surprise that she's questioning her focus and what she's doing with her time. Her reasons for withdrawing seem consistent throughout. It's you that's not understanding or respecting her wishes. You may feel neglected and hurt but she's really not equipped to maintain a relationship right now and her studies are failing at the moment.
    I was a student, and I did try how it was to fail exams. Important ones actually, and that made me question my own abilities. But I managed to pull myself together, and never during that time did I even consider, if she was right for me. I know we are all very different and react differently to certain things. Reflecting back that just make me realise that she didn't care for me, as I cared for her.

    But thanks to all of you. I am not excactly sure, what excactly I was looking for, but you have just made me more cartain, I made the right choice.


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