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Thread: Not sure what my EXs intentions are?

  1. #1
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    Not sure what my EXs intentions are?

    To make it short me and my girlfriend had split up over a year ago, we was with each other for around about two years. Weíre both 19 by the way so we were still young when we broke up.

    Ever since we did break up because things werenít working and there was solely no trust anymore which made the relationship turn toxic. However I still kept in contact with her even when she met new guys as I wanted the best for her still. However weíd still meet for casual sex and whenever we were together it felt like we had never been split up.

    I didnít see my ex girlfriend for four months up until the Christmas period as she had moved to university. Over the Christmas period Iíd seen her in clubs etc and we both came back to my place again and over the Christmas period and up until last week we had been seeing a lot of each other as she has been back from university. Weíve talked everyday since that first encounter again.


    Iím not sure I still love my ex because for me, I donít really want a girlfriend at this current time and if I did I feel like Iíd want something new to try. I really donít understand her current emotions and intentions though. Iím never the one to message but now sheís back at university she messages me every day and sends me pictures and stuff of past memories. I still feel like sheís trying to hold onto something and I Iím not sure if speaking to her is healthy as Iíve told her we shouldnít read anything into us having previous sex and even us talking now as we label it as a ďfriendshipĒ

    I know she speaks to guys at university and probably hooks up with them. Sheís recently been bringing up the boyfriend topic to me and saying how many people are in relationships at her school but I think sheís maybe lonely at this time of year and wants to try and fulfill the space with me for instance as she thinks Iím a second choice and an easy leg to fall back on.

    I keep drawing myself back from speaking to her but then I end up just returning the messages and we end up speaking again. The thing is, weíre only really good terms at the minute but itís confusing me whether itís just a friendship or if she wants something more again?

    I told her Iím going to ring her tomorrow and talk about a few things but is there any advice or questions you guys can give me which I can ask her because itís extremely difficult to try and dissect this situation because although I donít want to read into it I feel like itís sometning, then again I donít want to be to approachable about it and get my feelings her if she sees it as nothing.

    Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Thankyou.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by samthomas98
    To make it short me and my girlfriend had split up over a year ago, we was with each other for around about two years. Weíre both 19 by the way so we were still young when we broke up.

    Ever since we did break up because things werenít working and there was solely no trust anymore which made the relationship turn toxic. However I still kept in contact with her even when she met new guys as I wanted the best for her still. However weíd still meet for casual sex and whenever we were together it felt like we had never been split up.

    I didnít see my ex girlfriend for four months up until the Christmas period as she had moved to university. Over the Christmas period Iíd seen her in clubs etc and we both came back to my place again and over the Christmas period and up until last week we had been seeing a lot of each other as she has been back from university. Weíve talked everyday since that first encounter again.


    Iím not sure I still love my ex because for me, I donít really want a girlfriend at this current time and if I did I feel like Iíd want something new to try. I really donít understand her current emotions and intentions though. Iím never the one to message but now sheís back at university she messages me every day and sends me pictures and stuff of past memories. I still feel like sheís trying to hold onto something and I Iím not sure if speaking to her is healthy as Iíve told her we shouldnít read anything into us having previous sex and even us talking now as we label it as a ďfriendshipĒ

    I know she speaks to guys at university and probably hooks up with them. Sheís recently been bringing up the boyfriend topic to me and saying how many people are in relationships at her school but I think sheís maybe lonely at this time of year and wants to try and fulfill the space with me for instance as she thinks Iím a second choice and an easy leg to fall back on.

    I keep drawing myself back from speaking to her but then I end up just returning the messages and we end up speaking again. The thing is, weíre only really good terms at the minute but itís confusing me whether itís just a friendship or if she wants something more again?

    I told her Iím going to ring her tomorrow and talk about a few things but is there any advice or questions you guys can give me which I can ask her because itís extremely difficult to try and dissect this situation because although I donít want to read into it I feel like itís sometning, then again I donít want to be to approachable about it and get my feelings her if she sees it as nothing.

    Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Thankyou.
    My first question is, who initially broke things off? Second question is, if you do not want to be in a relationship with her in particular and want to try somone new then why are you worried about getting your feelings hurt if she sees it as nothing? The questions that you need to ask are 1. You need to ask yourself and her what you both really want because casually having sex can bring back old feelings and confuse the situation at hand and you donít want to be on different pages. 2.Ask her if she is seeing other guys and be sure that you are not also getting your hopes up if you end up wanting something at the end. Whatever you do, do not leave things vague to leave room for assumptions if you want to keep her as a friend as you previously stated. Be honest with yourself and her

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by NancyBlue
    My first question is, who initially broke things off? Second question is, if you do not want to be in a relationship with her in particular and want to try somone new then why are you worried about getting your feelings hurt if she sees it as nothing? The questions that you need to ask are 1. You need to ask yourself and her what you both really want because casually having sex can bring back old feelings and confuse the situation at hand and you donít want to be on different pages. 2.Ask her if she is seeing other guys and be sure that you are not also getting your hopes up if you end up wanting something at the end. Whatever you do, do not leave things vague to leave room for assumptions if you want to keep her as a friend as you previously stated. Be honest with yourself and her
    Hi thanks for the reply. We both wanted to end things because it wasnít working but she initiated the breakup. When I mean I donít want w girlfriend Iím more scared of going back into a relationship with itís being her specifically because Iím not sure if it would be the same etc. If she also sees it as nothing I donít want to come across like itís a massive deal because I had already said I wasnít reading into it, but I have and itís confused me.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by samthomas98
    Hi thanks for the reply. We both wanted to end things because it wasnít working but she initiated the breakup. When I mean I donít want w girlfriend Iím more scared of going back into a relationship with itís being her specifically because Iím not sure if it would be the same etc. If she also sees it as nothing I donít want to come across like itís a massive deal because I had already said I wasnít reading into it, but I have and itís confused me.
    If you do not want to get back together with her then I think you should stop having casual sex and just stay friends. Try dating other girls to see if you can find real connection with someone else.

    But if you are confused and there is at 70% chance that you want to try again then put your feelings aside and have a genuine conversation with her about what her expectations are and if she is seeing other guys. Like I said in my previous post, do not leave anything vague with her to avoid leave room for assumptions.

    The sooner you both discuss where you stand, the better for you. Do not prolong this any longer if you do not want to end up hurt in the future if you still want to maintain some sort of friendship with her. Feelings can be very tricky sometimes & having hope for something that might not happen can be deadly. Good luck!

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  6. #5
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    It may seem like a great idea to be fwb after a breakup, but it's not working. You think nsa is fine but are confused about the 'friends' part and worry about not wanting to reconcile. She also is dating others and seems to have you in this fwb-friendzone limbo. Why not pull back from this before it gets too messy?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It may seem like a great idea to be fwb after a breakup, but it's not working. You think nsa is fine but are confused about the 'friends' part and worry about not wanting to reconcile. She also is dating others and seems to have you in this fwb-friendzone limbo. Why not pull back from this before it gets too messy?
    Thanks for the reply. I end up ignoring her messages that she sends but then hours later sheíll message me again seeing what Iím doing etc. I was the one to tell her not to see it anything other than a one off but with us speaking for days consecutively it just doesnít seem right with us labelling it as just being friends. She said sheís going to call me today anyway so Iíll speak to her about. I just feel weird asking her if itís anything more than friends if I told her previously that thatís all it was. But things have gotten more deeper the past few weeks.


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