Long Distance Getting Harder

Hi,

I'll try to keep this as condensed as possible. My boyfriend and I were together 4 months before I went to study abroad (a decision made before meeting him). At first we were meant to break up for the 5 months I am away, but we ended up doing long distance. After two months we both pitched in for a trip for me to fly home from Australia to the U.S. I was there for a week about 3 weeks ago and it was really great. We have had a lot of bumps in long distance but have gotten over them all. However, lately I'm feeling it's just not working very well. We facetime, he ends up having to leave to go talk to his friends or go to sleep for work pretty abruptly. It's tough because I've given up a lot to make this work. I don't have a great social life here, because I'm the girl with the boyfriend 8,000 miles away. I am feeling very sad lately and like he doesn't respect my amount of effort. I love him very much and don't want to lose him. We are now at 7 months together and I only have 5 weeks left until I return home for good. Any advice on how to make these last 5 weeks easier? We talk every day when we can but the time difference is 17 hours. Sometimes I feel like we are talking too much and have nothing to talk about, other times I feel like we aren't talking enough and then I resent him and withhold info about my life here. Do you think it would be wise to ask for a few days of space? Meaning we are still together just not talking for a while. Thank you in advance for any help

I think you two have drifted away from each other. Long distances kill a relationship and I would have said that you break up and start enjoying yourself in the US if you had a couple of years of school ahead of you. (Americans love the Aussie accent). Since there's only five weeks until you fly home, maybe you shouldn't break up, but maybe you should start having fun. There are lots of parties coming up for the holiday season and there's no reason why you shouldn't casually date a few boys, hang out with college friends, and have a good time until you come home. I have the feeling that your boyfriend has kept up his social life and is having some fun. Why shouldn't you?

So for the next 5 weeks, just keep the texting or Facetiming short so that silence doesn't sneak in and try to enjoy yourself while you're in the US.

Unfortunately LDRs are much harder than either of you thought. That is especially true since you only dated 4 mos and barely really know each other nor have any foundation. You gave up nothing. You went off to pursue your education. He's doing as much as you and even paid 1/2 for you to go home.

If you feel sorry for yourself, lonely or homesick, don't blame him. If you don't want to be tied down that's your decision, don't blame him, just end it. Stop being a martyr if you underestimated how silly it was after dating 16 weeks, to pursue a transcontinental LDR.

It's tough because I've given up a lot to make this work. I don't have a great social life here, because I'm the girl with the boyfriend 8,000 miles away. I am feeling very sad lately and like he doesn't respect my amount of effort.

I think you went overboard, Facetiming every day. You should've set that up a couple of times a week, just as that's how much you probably would've seen each other during regular dating in a new relationship. And there was no need to limit your social life. You could've still gone out dancing with the girls, gone to the beach, hiking, or whatever. You're supposed to be immersed in another country's culture and experience what it has to offer, a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you're spending your free time tied to a computer?

You have only 5 weeks left. Go explore. When you get back to the U.S., either the relationship will work out or it won't. Only time will tell.