My (ex)girlfriend broke up but is confused

Hi all,

I have been together with this girl for a couple of months, not too long, but I feel very strongly for her and I always got the feeling that she feels the same for me. She has been telling me over and over how much into me she is and how I swept her off her feet.

However, last week she got very distant and out of the blue broke up with me. Her reasoning was that she felt like my heart wasn't in it and our future plans were not aligned.

She came over to explain a few days later, after I had brought flowers to her place, and I made it clear to her that I think she made a wrong decision and explained how I feel about her and our future. She instantly became very affectionate again - she stayed over and she said she loves me. She texted me the day after that she had a really good time with me and that it made it a lot harder for her.

I asked her the next day to meet me for a drink after work before she was heading off to a birthday party, to which she agreed. It was nice to chat for a bit and she sent me sweet text messages during the rest of the night.

On Saturday morning, I woke up and sent her a good morning text to which she didn't reply. I sent another one later on in the day asking her if everything is ok, and if there is anything bothering her that I hope she'd tell me, or at least tell me if she needs time. She eventually responded to that by saying that she indeed feels confused and needs time to think.

I texted back and told her to take the time she needs to figure out what she wants and to tell me when she's ready to talk.

Since then, I haven't heard back but it's making me incredibly anxious waiting for her to get back to me.

I am very confused about what goes on in her mind, and I wonder if I should chase her more and make it clear that my intentions are true. But on the other hand I don't want to come off too eager and needy right now.... Ugh, I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated!

She asked for time, so give her time. Don't contact her or wait around for her to change her mind. She may like you and even enjoy the attention you give her, but still feel that you two are not a match in the long-run. If she comes back around and says decisively she wants to give it another go, you can decide what to do then, but for now the best move you can make it to work on moving on and disconnecting from her.

It's over, man.

She only went back on her decision before because you tried to talk her out of it. She stuck it out for a few days, but her silence now is telling you what you need to know. When someone backs out this early on, it's usually better to just walk away. The honeymoon period is supposed to be exciting and thrilling and she's already not feeling it. It doesn't mean you have necessarily done anything wrong, either. Sometimes it's just not a match.

Don't reach out to her. Do as SGH recommends, and disconnect to begin moving on. She knows where to find you if she has a genuine change of heart.

It's over, man.

 

She only went back on her decision before because you tried to talk her out of it. She stuck it out for a few days, but her silence now is telling you what you need to know. When someone backs out this early on, it's usually better to just walk away. The honeymoon period is supposed to be exciting and thrilling and she's already not feeling it. It doesn't mean you have necessarily done anything wrong, either. Sometimes it's just not a match.

 

Don't reach out to her. Do as SGH recommends, and disconnect to begin moving on. She knows where to find you if she has a genuine change of heart.

Thanks for the feedback MissCanuck and SGH. You're probably right.

Thanks for the feedback MissCanuck and SGH. You're probably right.

I know it's disappointing, but when you meet the right girl for you, she won't need time away from you to sort out any confusion.

It's never a good idea to try to influence someone to decide in your favor. Neither of you can trust such a decision, and it just becomes an awkward eggshell walk until it ends anyway.

Skip that. Decide that you deserve better. If someone WANTS to be with you, she will be. Everything else is just an excuse.

If she's already needing time to 'think about things' then something is seriously wrong .. like others have said you're meant to be in the honeymoon phase, everything is meant to be great. Even if she comes back, those problems causing issues now will be problems down the line, except when the emotions aren't as strong so she'll walk away for good next time.

My girlfriend and I had something similar about a year in where she needed 'time', I gave her a few days and she came back with the 'I miss you stuff', everything was great for a while but those same issues she brought up when we nearly broke up? 1 year later they've resurfaced and we're done. If a girl is needing time to go away and think about you like this then that's a big worry, you deserve someone who is fully dedicated and head over heels for you, not somebody you're waiting by the phone for them to decide they do want to stay after all.

Been there, done that .. don't do it to yourself.

Sorry to hear this. Is there an ex or someone else in the picture?

I have been together with this girl for a couple of months.Her reasoning was that she felt like my heart wasn't in it and our future plans were not aligned.She eventually responded to that by saying that she indeed feels confused and needs time to think.

Thank you all for the comments, really appreciate it.

Yesterday evening I decided to stop waiting for her and to make the decision for her to stop seeing each other. I wrote her a small note and put it in her mailbox together with some items of hers I still had. I also deleted her from social media because I don't want to be kept up to date about her life for now.

The same night she sent me a message asking why I deleted her? and later on a semi passive-aggressive message saying that she was indeed upset on Saturday because she thought we had a good chat but then I ended up going to the bar I usually go to pick up girls (in her eyes) even though I was just having fun with my mates. And that she was hurt that I would get over her so quickly. Sounds like very childish behavior to 'punish' me for that by ignoring me and saying she needs time.

Anyway, I think I made the right decision here.

The same night she sent me a message asking why I deleted her? and later on a semi passive-aggressive message saying that she was indeed upset on Saturday because she thought we had a good chat but then I ended up going to the bar I usually go to pick up girls (in her eyes) even though I was just having fun with my mates. And that she was hurt that I would get over her so quickly. Sounds like very childish behavior to 'punish' me for that by ignoring me and saying she needs time.

 

Anyway, I think I made the right decision here.

I agree. She sounds immature and inexperienced in relationships. Let this one go.

Yes you made the right choice and did all the right things. Particularly in light of this immature incredibly egotistical remark of hers:

she was hurt that I would get over her so quickly.

So on Saturday she came over, we had another chat and she still seemed very confused about her feelings - it was clear that she still has a lot of feelings for me but she doesn't think it would work between us. I would have still given it a chance, but I was ok with her decision. She wanted to remain friends but I told her I'd prefer if we don't keep in contact if we can't be together.

On Monday she started texting me that she misses me, I politely texted back saying thanks and wishing her well. She then continued texting me and saying that she thinks she might have made a really big mistake and she's losing her mind thinking of me all the time. I texted back that unless she changed her mind, it'd be better for both if we don't have any contact. She hasn't replied since.

While I'm sad, but not too heartbroken since she doesn't sound like the most reliable person to be with, I do wonder why she would send me all those messages and tell me this while on the other hand she doesn't want to try and work it out? It really is a mystery to me and it frustrates me

She wants you in the friendzone and you said no. A word she can't handle. Delete and Block her so you can move on.