Hes been gone a month and life is hell

I wrote here a couple month while he was still living here. He moved out may 25th...

Just a little recap. He was telling me there was no one else he just needed to find himself. Make some friends. He would always take care of me. He males the money i male minimul money.

When he leftthat morning, he said he was scared to lose me. And he wasnt afraid of anything else. Over the weekend i tried to text him, check up on him., call him. He ignored my calls. And when he did text back it was atuff like. I need this im so very very happy. I sleep without my cpap machine. (Hes had it for years and never could go without) you are pushing me away by contacting me.

Fast forward to monday.. i did my research of my phone bill. In march alone he talked to the same number almost 800 minutes on the phone.. coming from someone who tells me he hats to talk on the phine. Thousand and thousanda of text messages. Im not kidding i tried to print them off and did 58 pages and that was in 5 days. Cant see the texts just time and date. He was texting her while next to me on the couch. He would spend 2 hrs in the bathroo...cuz of issues.. and text her the whole time. After we went to bed and i was asleep he would be texting her till 1 am or. 2am. Wake up at 6:30 complaining he slept so bad the night before.

I found out all i could. She is 28 years old my husband is 40. She is married.. filed for divorice in march and has a 4 ywar old. Her divorce will be final end of august.

To top it off he is her boss at work and recently from sept to march gave her a $17,000 raise.

When he left he kept twlling me lies up till about a week ago. Cuz a week after he left i went to his plsce which is 1.5 hrs away and co fronted him and told him all i knew. He just stood thenre shaking his head. No comments no sorry i was w ring. Just that he is to continue to do this with her. He said he wants to be the one to say if we get a divorce or not. I left there angry and with no answers. So his text messages get fewer and fewer amd meaner and meaner to me. Now we only discuss finances and his replys are yes or no or 3 word answers

Our 21 anniversary was june 14. I filed for divorce and served him the papers myself trying to save money. He signed the paper asked if i was going after child support (17 year old) i said i dont know i will talk to my atty. He shoved the papers at me and walked away. He was literally pissed off i filed and it wasnt him making the choice. I am done with him making choices. He wanted me as a backup if this didnt work with his girl toy.. i told him im not his net anymore.

So now we have a temp hearing for august 13.. things will change even more after that.

He is mean anymore and just so blah. I know its her feeding info to him. I mean she is in the middle of a divorce herself so she must know all.

For the last 3 weeks he kept telling to to text him how much i want for allimony. I refused to text that to him.

Tuesday i will first sit with my atty and im not even sure what to ask or say or what i can ask for in this divorce.

I know i will get allimony. But he is paying all the bills here and buying food and gas.. which friday he told me i get $200 for the 2. week period for anything i need or my son needs. Which isnt a lot to be honest.

Any help or advice i would appreciate ot

Sounds so similar to what happened in my first marriage. Be smart and listen to your attorney's advice. Find a therapist or support group (celebrate recovery is free and helped me) where you can start working through all the painful emotions that come with divorce. It's easy to get caught up in the hurt and anger of what he chose to do. It gets easier, but it takes time. It took me a while. My ex husband lost his job while we were in the middle of our divorce because an employee told HR about the affair that was going on. He told our entire family I got him fired and had everyone upset with me. Later on he did apologize but it was months later after their affair had run its course. The best thing you can do is to cut off communication on your end as much as possible. Make him go through your attorney. Whether you are secretly hoping to save your marriage or just done with him realize that at some point the affair will likely fizzle out (statistically something like 90% of affairs do not last) once the excitement is over and he may try to get back with you once he realizes what he lost...remember he wanted you to be his backup/second choice. You deserve more respect than that.

"For the last 3 weeks he kept telling to to text him how much i want for [alimony]. I refused to text that to him."

- Smart!

He's not going to stop trying to position you!

Stop ALL contact with him! Give him your attorney's phone number. That's it, nothing more!

I'm sorry this happened to you. Two decades with a person is nothing to sneeze at, and you should definitely look to professional help either in the form of a support group or personal therapist. Continue to stay strong and do not lower yourself to being his option. Sounds like he has control issues, so it's good you took the divorce into your own hands. You're the one who should want it, since he's the one openly cheating!

Let the anger your feeling push you forward and away from this deadweight of a man. I know it's hard now, but I promise there are better days ahead.

Lester's correct. All contact should go through your attorney. Print as much of his text messages as you can. A cheating spouse gets very little sympathy in divorce court. Depending on what state you're in, you should get half of what he owns and a big chunk of his salary. Get child support and see if you can get him to pay for your kid to go through college. Make him pay for having to find this out for yourself.

Dear Juleez

That is a really brutal way for you to have been treated, take care of yourself the best you can.

Hi! I'm so sorry for what you are going through... I know it hurts so much right now and you may be afraid of what's to come, but know that you are going to be okay... I am divorced myself. I was finally able to leave him after over 2 years of him cheating. I am better now without him. We are getting along for the kids' sake. You should claim child support and alimony! And you had a long-term marriage, so you could get alimony for many years. I only get it for a handful of years, but I am claiming child support for both kids (they are only 9 and 6)! Make him pay!

My husbad is the boss of his gf... and her husband is going to their work after their divoce is final.. mine might lose his job as well..