Friend thinks I tricked her into a date. How to patch up?

I've known this girl for a while (co-worker) and we are reasonably close friends. We planned a group activity with a few other acquaintances, but they didn't show up, so this girl and I ended up hanging out alone. After this, my friend acted very differently (much more cold and distant) to the point that I had to confront her about the change in attitude. She brought this up and said she wanted to be just friends. I think she feels that I tricked her into a date or something. The other people did let me know the day before that they cannot make it, but it did not occur to me to reconfirm with her if things were still cool. In any case, I told her that I am interested in her only as a friend, but neither of us have really warmed up after that.

1. How do I overcome awkwardness and an ego drop on my side for getting rejected even without asking. I realize that it's not a big loss since I was not interested in dating this person anyway. Nevertheless, the pain of rejection is real, especially when it happens this way for no real reason.

2. What can I do to warm up and get close to her again? From my side it's an honest mistake without any intent (and I've already apologized). How do I convey this to her without sounding needy or weak? We need to work closely which may be hard if there is this awkwardness and lack of trust (on either side).

Though I don't see her as a person who would spread rumors, the thought is disturbing me a bit. I definitely don't want to tarnish my reputation.

Well, she's a co-worker and I don't really accept the idea that you have to get friendly with her to do your job. Just keep it professional and don't bother her with any kind of talk beyond what is required for work. Do that for a couple of weeks and see if things go back to professional normal.

In a way, you did trick her into a date because you knew everyone else had canceled and you should have called her to let her know and decide whether she wanted to come with just you. So don't act innocent. And get over your "ego drop."

I agree with Danzee that in terms of your professional relationship, just keeping it professional now is the way to go. She obviously got the wrong idea. Unfortunately, from my perspective, the fact that she thought you were up to something and both of your apparent discomfort in moving past the misunderstanding, indicate that the friendship may not have been as strong as you think. Maybe in time you both will forget it and you will regain some form of friendship, but for now just hang out with your other friends and keep work as work.

In a way, you did trick her into a date because you knew everyone else had canceled and you should have called her to let her know and decide whether she wanted to come with just you. So don't act innocent. And get over your "ego drop."

Sorry Danzee, but I disagree on this point. While this definitely would be the case if the OP did have some romantic interest in the woman in question (or believed she had some interest in him, reciprocated or not), I think his account above is perfectly plausible and reasonable. If he genuinely only viewed her as a friend and had no reason to believe she would misinterpret the circumstances, he has no reason to assume she wouldn't want to hang out with just him. I would qualify that, of course, it depends on the wider circumstances (what was the activity, how many people were coming, was the OP acting as the organiser or was it sort of free-wheeling, etc.) I guess what I am saying is that I can totally buy this as an innocent misunderstanding and don't think there was an absolute obligation on him.

Just my 2 cents,

T

Thanks for the quick feedback! I should note that the source of weirdness and my intention to resolve this stems from a few things: (a) At least from my side, I thought we were good friends, so I would hate for it to end this way; (b) I am a little concerned that this may end up in the rumor mill -- though unlikely, this really is a source of unnecessary stress. Thanks DanZee, I can see how one can construe things the way you put it. But as WaywardKiwi put it, it just didn't occur to me to reconfirm.

In a recent group meeting, she did say that she would like for us to work together on the next project (she had the option of doing other things). Would it be appropriate for me to bring this up again (and apologize if need be)? Alternatively, I can just forget the incident and act normal -- hopefully things turn to normal from her side as well. In any case, I realize that it may take a while for things to get back to normal (if at all). From my side, I'm just looking for some closure, to move on and also not be worried about (b) above.

Do not bring any of this up again. Just act normally.

Does she have a boyfriend? If so, I can see how she could have an adverse reaction. Otherwise, she has a bit of an ego if single.