Why don’t I want to see or talk to my friend anymore?

We’re both in our twenties. We’ve been friends for over 3 years, she does have romantic feelings for me which I do not share. She’s been there as a massive support through my worst times, including abusive relationships; but she texts 24/7. She constantly wants to talk to me and asks me questions all the time. She’s overbearing, and I feel like she wants to know every detail in my life, I could throw a simple tweet up and I get a text within 5 minutes asking about it. I’ve spent two weeks pulling away from her, I barely text back anymore and I don’t go and see her because she exhausts me. She’ll text me between 6-10 times before I answer. One morning a few weeks ago, I woke up to 37 texts off her. She constantly accuses me of things indirectly though. I just feel at a loss. How do I break off the friendship without her getting suicidal on me? I just don’t want friends. I want to be alone. What can I do.

Is it that you don’t want to be friends? Or is it just that you are completely overwhelmed?

I just went through this over this past week with a new friend. She is a super nice lady but she was texting me 24/7 and wanted to get together with me 4 days a week. I DO want her as a friend, i’m just not looking for a bestie, you know?

I believe in honesty, so here is what I sent her:

“I think you and I are maybe in different places in life where you need people who can be more actively engaged with you. I don’t always have the same amount of time to engage - and I like/need to engage with multiple people. I enjoy your company and you are very nice, but i can get busy and sometimes need alone time. I like you and I don’t want to offend you but I am feeling overwhelmed.”

Of course she did get offended lol! but she has backed off significantly and yet we are still on good terms.

That would be (and was) my approach. If she wants to get offended and walk away, that’s ok too - ultimately you were going to do that anyways if she didn’t stop. But then it kind of makes it her choice, so she shouldn’t be suicidal.

Not sure what you expected treating her as an emotional anchor after she's openly expressed romantic feelings toward you that you can't reciprocate.

It's not really a friendship and I doubt it's ever been.

It sounds like you are keeping her on the hook.

Just do the right thing and end it.

She likes you. You don't like her. She is just going to grasp onto any pseudo relationship she can as long as you are in it .

This is why you never remain friends when the other has feelings. It is very painful for the other party.

I also think it was terrible to USE her as your personal counselor. Find a professional next time.

Don't ghost. It's cowardly and mean. Be honest.

Be a better friend by not using others, and being honest.

Great approach RedDress.

What do you mean by “she constantly accuses me of things indirectly”? And do you really think that breaking off the friendship will make her suicidal? I dunno, that sounds like you think very highly of yourself. I’m sure she won’t be suicidal if you tell her to back off.

I’ve never purposefully kept her on a “hook”. As soon as she told me how she felt I told her I don’t feel the same. I told her it may be easier if I left the friendship and she lost her mind and begged me to stay.

I’ve never purposefully kept her on a “hook”. As soon as she told me how she felt I told her I don’t feel the same. I told her it may be easier if I left the friendship and she lost her mind and begged me to stay.

That should have been your clue to cut it off. Normal friendships do not roll this way.

Do her a favor, and end the relationship.

Hollyj, I wholeheartedly agree. As soon as she told me how she felt I told her it’d be wise to end the friendship. This in turn ended up with her being suicidal and threatening to end her life. She didn’t admit to her feelings until AFTER I had confided in her about the abuse I was going through. I never intended to use her, I just didn’t know how she truly felt at the time because I was blinded by physical abuse from my then-partner. I did end up going for professional therapy and told my friend I would no longer confide in her, but it doesn’t stop the never ending questions to know the details of how I live my life.

If I tell her I no longer want to be friends, the suicidal feelings repeat themself. I have been honest with her, I have told her I don’t want to text 24 hours a day. I have told her there will never be a relationship... how else can I do this without ghosting? I know it’s mean, but when I’ve hit every avenue I’m a little bit stuck on where to turn next. She’s a wonderful girl, she has been the best friend I ever had but the behaviours she is showing are unacceptable and quite controlling. I’m no good with things like this.