Is this a normal relationship?

Happy new year to you all. This is my new post and need your point of view regarding my messed up life. Just not sure where to go from here.

I’m 37 and my man is 66. I have been with him since 2014. He has been divorced twice, currently living with the ex wife. There are few things I do not understand about our relationship and have been asking myself what am I doing with my life. When we started seeing each other I noticed things that did not sit well with me but I ignored them., he would not say I love you and Would see me whenever it suits him. When I ask to see him, he would sometimes say he is not available, he has family commitments, business to run as they have a B And B. He has not been emotionally available and I asked him about this and he said he is not an emotional person and some women have complained about this. It appeared to me that the relationship was one sided. I asked him what we were doing and whether we were in a relationship or not and his response was ‘why do we have to put a name into it.?

Years have passed by and we are still in the same situation. Towards the end of last year, I raised the subject about what he wants. He clearly told me that he has been divorced twice and would not want to be with another woman full time or live with them. He wants his space. I was disappointed about this but I wasn’t shocked. I then told him my intentions and wish to be in a committed relationship and he said we are committed. To be honest, I can’t see any commitment from him. When he is at his house, he would not answer the phone. He spend about 2 days at his mum who is 89 and when he is with his mum he does not answer the phone. I have never met his mum or his friends or family. I have introduced him to all my friends but I know nobody from his side. His excuse is that he does not have friends as all friends he had have taken side for the ex wives.

Since I have known him , been 4 yrs, he has never spent Christmas or New Year’s Eve with me. He comes to my place on Boxing Day and prepare Xmas dinner. This year hit me really hard as he constantly asked me what I wanted him to do over Xmas. I expressed that I would like to spend it with me. ..but 2 days before Xmas he told me he was not going to be able. I was obviously upset as he raised false hopes for me. He also didn’t spend New Year’s Eve with me and said he was going to be with his mum. His attitude has changed a lot. He is always defensive , angry and does not consider other people,s feelings. Not sure if it’s something to do with age or not?. The lady who helps me in the house with kids (aupair) has to go for 3 weeks to her country to be with her family for Xmas. I asked him to help out .....but he questioned why I allowed the lady to be on leave without consulting him. To me, Christmas time is family time and the young girl had to be with her family and I would not have stopped her when she informed that she is going to her family ...in a different country. Also, she has been very helpful and does wonderful job with my kids.

I just don’t know what to do as I would like to be in committed relationship and set a household. I can’t handle the negative energy and anger he has. I have spoken to him about his anger and he said he has lots of this he has not resolved in his life and is upset because most of people in his age rage are living a happy life, retired but he can’t because he has responsibilities.

Even though he's divorced, (are you sure about that?) it seems more like an affair with a married man.

currently living with the ex wife. He clearly told me that he has been divorced twice and would not want to be with another woman full time or live with them.

Looking through your post I have a feeling you are not happy in your relationship. He doesn’t seem to be in committed relationship. There are a lot of red flags here since why is he living with his ex wife , not meeting his close friends and family, spending holidays apart ... no matter what does he says, only actions show his real treatment.

There is not a single reason you gave to stay in this, so why are you still with him?

At 66, he isn't going to change. You've been in this long enough to know he can't give

you what you want.

This guy sounds like he is still very much married and you are his side piece, OP. I would almost put money on his "ex" actually being his wife with no idea that he's been telling a woman half his age that he is divorced. Where did you meet this man?

Why have you let this go on this long? I can't see what he offers you or why you hang on to something that's not even a relationship. Where are your standards, girl?

he sounds married. If not, you are clearly not a priority, but a simple convenience.

Why do you allow this? You should have dumped him long ago. What a complete waste of your life!

whether he is married or is not married ... he may as well be.

its hard to cut the relationship off, but he doesn't want what you want. you have to accept that reality if you are to find what you want somewhere else

He has been divorced twice, currently living with the ex wife.

^

There's your answer. He's simply not available, and more than likely never will be. He has the best of both worlds...What a deal!

Bring out your self-respect, leave him in the dust, and walk away with your head held high.

So far, I haven't read past ‘why do we have to put a name into it.?`. When a dude says those words and you want a committed relationship, you leave. Period. That's been my experience.

Ok... more reading.

You both want different things. The relationship is as he wants it. It's on his terms. If you don't like those terms, find someone who wants the same thing you do and gives you the devotion and respect you deserve.

Oh and to answer your question about it being a "normal" relationship. If by normal you mean committed, loving relationship. My answer is no.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I need a courage and self respect to get myself out of this mess