Gf needs a break/lost herself

Hey everyone,

My gf about 2 weeks ago said she wanted a break because she feels as though she has lost herself. Anyway things were going really well and we were pretty much back together. Though the last couple of days she keeps saying things that make me wonder if she wants to be with me or see other people. Like she originally asked me about going to her Christmas party if she was going to go, then said to me that she has decided to go with her girl friends from work and make it a girls night. Which I thought was great! But she kept telling me it time and time again, which was innoying then after she told me that almost ten times she said to me, plus I don't want to go with you cause that would just be awkward. But the Friday before her party I am taking her to a fancy black tie event and introducing her to my work colleagues, and clients, and she has nothing against that and doesn't think it would be awkward.

Then last night I told her that one of my clients asked me out on a date which I thought was sweet of her but have no interest in her though my gf told me to go, even after I told her I have zero interest she kept saying to go that she was ok with that and that I need to make sure I want to be with her. Which I told her I would never do that and would never be with a partner that did that either and left it at that. Then later that night I mentioned to her that I thought that was a little odd and she said that she doesn't want a relationship right now. Cause she can't handle it so I asked her if she wanted a break then said she just wanted to date each other, though we live in the same house so I dont see the big difference between dating and a break. An how dating would help her find herself. So we went back and forth about dating, exclusive dating, then break, then repeat. Then she said she didn't want a title. Eventually decided break again but only to see eachother.

This morning she mentioned to me about a 3 week europe trip we have planned, in about a month. And asked me if I still wanted to go, and I did say to her yes but I want to have this more figured out by then, if not I don't want to go, and be given and false hope I even told her I would still pay my half either way. And that pissed her off! So now she is innoyed and so am I, to the point that I am just getting so sick and tired of it but I want her I my life and have been with her for almost ten years!

So obviously I'm very confused on what to do , I don't know if I'm missing some sort of sign or what to do anyone have any advice?

She said she she feels as if she's lost herself. Do you two function co-dependently? Do you have friends, activities, hobbies, outside of each other?

To me this whole "in a relationship" but "not in a relationship" sounds like a half step. Where she still wants all the things she gets out of the relationship but doesn't want any of the things that she doesn't want in the relationship. Do you know what those things are?

Yes we do function co-dependently, probably not as much as we should but that's just because we live together and enjoy spending time together.

I also know the things she doesn't want in a relationship and she doesn't have any of them other then she says there just hard work and cried saying she needs to find herself.

Codependent isn't a good thing. Here is a list of characteristics.

Does any of that ring a bell?

How old are you both, OP?

You say you've been with her for 10 years, which is a long time. It makes me wonder if she has outgrown the relationship but is afraid to really cut the cord.

It really is time to let go Im sorry to say.

She's dropping all the hints that she's not interested, you sticking around is going to make you look weak. Then she'll lose respect and things will get worse.

If you pull away now, she will at least respect you. Tell her to let you know if she wants to be with you, but that you're not interested in friendship. Then disappear, complete NC forever if necessary. This is the only way.

Now I know your not going to want to do this but have a look at the other replies that follow, most people here will tell you exactly the same thing.

1 does im overly chatty lol but I'm also a sales rep lol

Ok though she has already said she wants to be with me, just feels as though she may have lost herself, and wants to make sure that I am the one she wants in the future because she wants a child, to get married, and we are both in our early 30s so in order for her to have a child she only has a few years left and wants to make sure that I am the one for long term. She even mentioned about if things work the way she thinks they will that we would even get married while in Europe or right after we get back

Very confusing

Sorry not familiar with the term OP. What does that mean?

It really is time to let go Im sorry to say.

 

She's dropping all the hints that she's not interested, you sticking around is going to make you look weak. Then she'll lose respect and things will get worse.

 

If you pull away now, she will at least respect you. Tell her to let you know if she wants to be with you, but that you're not interested in friendship. Then disappear, complete NC forever if necessary. This is the only way.

 

Now I know your not going to want to do this but have a look at the other replies that follow, most people here will tell you exactly the same thing.

What does OP mean?

It really is time to let go Im sorry to say.

 

She's dropping all the hints that she's not interested, you sticking around is going to make you look weak. Then she'll lose respect and things will get worse.

 

If you pull away now, she will at least respect you. Tell her to let you know if she wants to be with you, but that you're not interested in friendship. Then disappear, complete NC forever if necessary. This is the only way.

 

Now I know your not going to want to do this but have a look at the other replies that follow, most people here will tell you exactly the same thing.

Ok though she has already said she wants to be with me, just feels as though she may have lost herself, and wants to make sure that I am the one she wants in the future because she wants a child, to get married, and we are both in our early 30s so in order for her to have a child she only has a few years left and wants to make sure that I am the one for long term. She even mentioned about if things work the way she thinks they will that we would even get married while in Europe or right after we get back

Very confusing

Sorry, but breaks to "find yourself" are ridiculous. She is just not interested, when you care about someone, you stay together and figure things out. You aren't holding her back from anything (well single for sure). This isn't fair to you and sorry to say, but you should move on w/your life w/out her.

Thanks! I figured that out quite quickly we are now apart living together so we still get along only as friends I actually lost all attraction for her

sounds like she either out grew the relationship like what was already stated or because she was with you for the last 10 yrs she didnt really go thru certain emotions, and they have finally caught up with her, she could be confused and not sure what she wants anymore im going thru this as we speak, im 26 and my ex is 20, one day she woke up and suddenly she wasnt sure if she still wanted me, she says she still loves me but just isnt sure and wants to explore herself sexually to make sure im right, we are no longer together, but ive done my sexual exploreing and know what i want where as my ex has not, so idk if we are getting back together she thinks about it and we talk about even tho shes now in a relationship with a women.