Florence Mai Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 My father used to hit my mother and my siblings because he would do as his family would tell him. When I was born, the hitting had stopped but the abusives behaviour of my father and his family continue , it's been 35 years now. My uncles are filthy rich but they force my father to pay them a lot of money monthly. They humiliate him, threaten him ( we will pit you in jail , we will put your life in jail, etc ) insult my mother and my siblings. When we tell him he should give them so much money whilst we need it ourselves, My father , not only he never defends us, but he yells, humiliated us, insults us.. My sister ran away from home. My brother tried to hold this family together but he also threatens my poor mother , me and my uncontrollable dad that if our father keeps this behaviour ( which he has up until now that he is +60 years old) then he will leave and never come back. My mother, my brother and I try to keep this family together. But my father is out of control. He gave my uncles thousands of $, over his entire life. My father is afraid of his older brothers , he defends them even if it means sacrificing his family... Please , I am looking for support , thoughts. Help Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Your parent's finances are between your father and your mother. If you object to the way your father spends his money, skip fighting with him and invest instead in earning your own money. Link to comment
Florence Mai Posted September 3, 2017 Author Share Posted September 3, 2017 the money my father earns belongs to his family aka my mother and my siblings. A father is supposed to provide for his immediate family not to his brothers that are already Rich. Also, In the past 10 years my father hasn't worked , because my brother took over ... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 If your father is spending money that he's not legally entitled to spend, then see an attorney for legal advice. If the money is legitimately your father's to control, then you can either choose to reconcile that in your own mind or not. Failure to do so only hampers your own ability to earn your own money to control as you see fit. Imposing 'shoulds' on anyone else without a legal basis to do so is unproductive and sets your own trap to keep yourself in stagnation and misery. That's not against the law, but it won't get you anywhere. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 the money my father earns belongs to his family aka my mother and my siblings. A father is supposed to provide for his immediate family not to his brothers that are already Rich. Also, In the past 10 years my father hasn't worked , because my brother took over ... If you are 35 years old, then you move into your own place. You don't "try to keep your family together". You talk to the siblings who don't abuse you and if they do, they end the conversation. you don't communicate with your abusive uncles. You only communicate with your mother so long as she doesn't start an enabling conversation or behavior. If your father decides he wants to give all his money away and be a doormat - then that's his choice. if he was a little older, you could talk to the authorities about elder abuse -- that his brothers are extorting him for money if there is proof. But at this point, encourage the siblings that behave appropriately towards you to move out and forget the others Link to comment
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