Am I overreacting?

Hello, I am in my 20s, my boyfriend (Jake) and I have been in a relationship for 4yrs, so far its been amazing! We are best friends and lovers. We get along well and openly talk about our problems. Jake talks about marriage, a house, and kids that he hopefully wants to sharw with me in the future. He has always been open about his friends and social media. But for the past few months he has been talking to me about a girl he met at work (lets call her Sam) a little too much. I like how he is open to me about her but in the past months a few times when we were hanging out he kept texting someone, as I glanzed over it was Sam. He told me that he had been texting thia girl Sam a lot. He never talked to abother girl so much other than me of course, this startes to get to me. For a time I thought I was just overreacting so I shook it off and kinda moved on. There was a week that I was inundated with work and I knew I wasnt going to get to see Jake the whole week. The week after the busy one we finally got to see eachother, we were talking as normal when he told me on that busy week he meet up with Sam to go rollerblading and sat down at a park downtown to watch the sunset and talk..... for some reason that bothered me so much but i dint tell him it did. The next day we were out to eat and he kept texting someone. I finally told him to stop texting whoever it was. He said sorry but he was leaving around 9pm to go to a hunted house with Sam and thats why he was texting. I got super upset and told him that I did not like the idea of him and Sam at all that he talked way too much with her and somehow it bothered me. He was surprised because I had never denied him to do anything ,yet Ive never had to, he apologized and asked why I dint tell him erlier, he said he felt bad and only want to see me happy, he proceeded to cancel any future plans with Sam. I didnt deny him talnkng to her but promised to not talk to her as much as he was......fast forward to a few months later I see a girl at my work that looks like Sam (Jake pointed her out to me when we saw her at a grocery store driving away) ....I knew it was her, her friend that was with her whispered to Sam 'you should jusy tell her'...I asume she ment for Sam to tell me ...but what? ...i was expecting Sam to i troduce herself saying 'hey, im Sam im the one texting Jake...but nope she just glared and walked away...she did this a few times....well fast forward to now I get bad vibes from Sam, i dont know her but I dont like her because I think she likes Jake, she sends goodnight and goodmorning texts to him, Jake and I talked about the situation and he promised me that I am the only one he had in his mind and want to be with, I trust him.....but I dont trust her, what should I do? Should I tell Jake to just not text her (I know he would be willing to stop for me)?

Should I meet her (i dont really want to)? Should I confront her? Ignore her? Or am I overrracring? BTW Jake thinks Sam just like to talk to him beacuse he likes aviation and motorcycles and so does she...im almost 100% sure she uses that as an excuse to talk to him, but Im pretty sure this girl likes Jake, and she is getting to close

I like how he is open to me about her but in the past months a few times when we were hanging out he kept texting someone, as I glanzed over it was Sam. He told me that he had been texting thia girl Sam a lot.

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The week after the busy one we finally got to see eachother, we were talking as normal when he told me on that busy week he meet up with Sam to go rollerblading and sat down at a park downtown to watch the sunset and talk..... for some reason that bothered me so much but i dint tell him it did.

He's in an emotional affair with his coworker, whether or not he realizes it.

He's talking to her frequently outside of work and while he's with you. He's ignoring HIS time spent with you purposely. It's very rude to be texting somebody else while out to dinner with people.

He's seeking her company alone, without including you. Going to "watch the sunset and talk" and doing other events like the haunted house thing really comes across as a date. No wonder Sam is pissed off with you because your boyfriend sent her mixed messages,treating their time together like dating. Seriously, do you entirely blame her for this if he's playing into it?

What he's doing is NOT ok. He may seem "surprised," but he is thriving on this woman's attention.

You have to ask yourself... Why is he not choosing to spend any time with his guy friends, yet goes to hang with her exclusively? And why is he not bringing you along to things when with her? I would be like "What the F" too if I were you.

he apologized and asked why I dint tell him erlier, he said he felt bad and only want to see me happy, he proceeded to cancel any future plans with Sam.

Future PLANS? If I were you, I would be very upset over the fact that he's schedule multiple outings with her and did not bother to include you.

he is a cheater. This is emotional cheating. He has cheated on you. I'm sorry.

This whole thing wouldn't have been a bigger issue as long as you got to meet her and are included in outings with them. You are his girlfriend, and by default you should of been invited with them. If you can't commit to going out with them, that's one thing... But he didn't mention any of these plans with you. He is deliberately meeting up with this girl without you.

I would seriously think long and hard about this relationship with him. What he did violated your trust, and you can't have a relationship with mistrust. Plus he's a cheater.

fast forward to a few months later I see a girl at my work that looks like Sam... I knew it was her, her friend that was with her whispered to Sam 'you should jusy tell her' ... I was expecting Sam to i troduce herself saying 'hey, im Sam im the one texting Jake...but she just glared and walked away...she did this a few times....

 

... I get bad vibes from Sam, i dont know her but I dont like her because I think she likes Jake, she sends goodnight and goodmorning texts to him?

...

Jake and I talked about the situation and he promised me that I am the only one he had in his mind and want to be with, I trust him.....but I dont trust her, what should I do? Should I tell Jake to just not text her

The other woman was clearly not interested in having a friendship with your boyfriend if she is giving you nasty looks. This could of been prevented if Jake stood up for your relationship and enforced boundaries.

Who cares about her feelings about him. That's her own business to deal with. Sometimes you have no control over how people feel about you or other people in your life. So don't even try to fixate on that control or you'll drive yourself crazy. You boyfriend is being the spineless enabler here. He's allowing her to text him multiple times instead of telling her to knock it off. Texting a person who is in a relationship with somebody else "good morning/goodnight" every single time is very inappropriate. He places himself in situations to be alone with her when he should be telling her "no, I have a girlfriend and this is not ok," or "Thanks for inviting me to the haunted house! But I would really like to bring my girlfriend with us."

In life, your relationship boundaries will be crossed by people. There are snakes out in this world who don't give a damn whether you are dating or married and will take advantage of you. If he cannot communicate and reinforce boundaries with people who do cross it, then this is a serious red flag. I would not overlook this one at all. He's either committed to you, or he is actively seeking attention from other women. It's ok to mingle with people of the opposite sex as long as he understands what the relationship boundaries are, is willing to stick by them, and doesn't place himself in situations that can violate your trust (I.e. Going to watch the sunset with her and all that romantic crap).

Yep, I'd consider everything he's doing to be cheating. I'd tell him he better figure out where appropriate boundaries are RIGHT NOW or he can find another girlfriend. Or just continue dating his other girlfriend.