Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: Being replaced

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    21

    Being replaced

    I have been replaced in a very short amount of time. Has anyone else dealt with being replaced so quickly after being dumped? What happened and did you ever get any closure? Me and my ex were together 2 1/2 years, but it had become stale and we never sat down and talked about how to fix us.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Burbank, CA
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,391
    Gender
    Male
    Sounds like the ex didn't care about the relationship and wanted out for awhile.

    I see it as another person's problem now. If the other person truly cares. They would try.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,754
    Gender
    Female
    I've never been in that position, but the likely answer is they've already checked out of the relationship way before their grand exit. I'm sorry this happened, but your closure should come from within, (imo).

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,138
    I was with a long-term ex who I discovered was being unfaithful for the last few months of our relationship. He didn't admit it when we split, but he did leave for his side piece.

    My view is that if a dumper jumps out of one relationship and dives into another, they were actually long gone (emotionally) from the first relationship anyway. That also often explains why there were no 'come to Jesus' talks before the split to try to rectify the problem; the exiting party simply didn't want to be there anymore, for whatever reason.

    Closure comes from you, though. Not from the dumper. Sounds cliche, but it's true. You gain closure when you accept the fact that the relationship no longer had the legs to continue, and that it is really is better to be on your own than with someone who has checked out. The latter is a horrible, lonely feeling.

    In my case, I've since moved on to a happier, more fulfilling relationship. My ex is now married to the woman he left for, and they have a child. I could be angry, I suppose, but I'm indifferent now - she can have him! I know what he's capable of, as does she (she knew me, and knew we were together) and it's not what I would want in my life.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    21
    I guess im just lonely now feeling like I will never find someone I like a lot. I'm 28 and I have to get less picky now but at the same time I'm still picky.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,138
    Originally Posted by Austin125
    I guess im just lonely now feeling like I will never find someone I like a lot. I'm 28 and I have to get less picky now but at the same time I'm still picky.
    28 is young. I was 31 when the above-described break-up happened, and that was young too (I'm 36 now) I turned my whole life around and created a new, happier chapter for myself. It was hard, but I didn't give up hope that I would find someone to love again.

    If anything , that experience taught me that I can indeed create my own way forward, independent of a relationship. It was good for me to be on my own for a little while, and I stayed single for a good year after that break-up. I know that feeling of loneliness but there will be brighter days ahead for you, I promise.

    If I may ask, how long were you together and why did you break up?

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    21
    We lived together two and a half years. Broke up because of communication issues. She was all in on me, wanting marriage and children. Well sure enough right when I am about to propose we start arguing and not fixing things like we should have.


    Also I had become complacent in my work and home life. I have since resolved all of those issues.
    Last edited by Austin125; 08-16-2017 at 06:21 AM. Reason: Adding

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Posts
    6
    My ex did that to me after 10 years togheter.After a week or so she had a new boyfriend.She broke up with him for 10 times i think,and she tried coming back to me twice,but somehow we never got back togheter.The new guy beats her,and he is a sick person,but they are still togheter after almost 1 year.
    So don't worry things are not always as bad(good) as we imagine. And just give it time,it will get much better.I thought that my life will end when she left me,and the pain was unbearable,but here i am after almost a year,and i'm much better.
    Good luck

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    21
    Everyone seems to think I dodged a bullet because she needs to grow up. She thinks everything should be a fairytale and real relationships like ours was just aren't like that. She wasn't willing to get through a rut and she thinks the honeymoon phase should last forever. We still went and had fun and we were super comfortable around each other. Our goofiness and personalities outside of relationship issues were a good match. She thinks that our relationship should have been perfect. I really think she has a case of the GIGS or a quarter life crisis or something.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    614
    I got replaced quickly. My replacement lasted approximately as long as I did in her life. I'll admit that it was a long painful process dealing with the blow to the ego (which I think is natural for a lot of men) which led me to a lot of research on relationships, communication and self-development over the last year.

    It sounds like you're in a dark place right now. You need to choose how you're going to handle this situation: Are you going to take some time, deal with the pain, learn to accept what she's done and then build yourself into a man that she wishes she could have? Or are you going to embrace your pain, wallow in it, let it eat you alive (mentally, emotionally) and then let your misery define who you are as a man?

    It took me a while but after a two months of my ex being in a relationship, I got help, stayed away from booze, recommitted myself to the gym, read up on relationships and psychology, took some professional development steps (PMP) and started going to church.

    Collectively, these steps made me in to a better man than I've ever been in my life. Recently, I've found out that my ex is single again, and I will admit, I'm struggling to stay NC, but something that I never considered before is entering my mind: "Does she deserve the man I've become? Has she changed or matured in a way that she now has clear life goals like I do now?". Its almost as if I've achieved a new level of self-worth, confidence and clarity in life.

    I know this must sound silly, but I think that all the work I've done, progress that I've made, the happy state of being that I've attained, the stronger relationships with family and friends I've built.....make me question for a moment whether or not I want to share my life with her now.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is: Work through the pain and then work on yourself. Don't sell yourself short! If you get through this hell through self development, you may find that you're happier with yourself than what you thought you were by having her in your life and attaching your identity to her and your relationship.

    Good luck and let us know how you're doing!

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •