5 months and I still miss her (what should I do)

Well it's coming up to 5 months since she left and about almost 3 months no contact.

I have noticed the emotional roller coaster really going up and down recently. I will be happy and feeling good for a few days then all of a sudden it hits me. Then I feel the tears well up and I end up crying over the thought of her.

I always feel better after but it's still so rough right now.

I have been working on myself a ton. Writing in my journal, reading tons of books, getting out with new people, I am in the best shape of my life and I started my dream job three days ago!

I have a lot going for me and I am so proud of myself. The hardest part is not being able to share it with her because I used to tell her everything! That's where it gets sometimes.

Really trying to push through this rough spot.

Anyone else feel this way after the 4/5 month mark?

Overcoming the pain and forgetting someone that you dearly love is really tough.I understand your situation and that not stop there. There is a right person that is perfect for you. May I know what makes you busy now?Are you working? The other way move on is to make your self busy and be involved in any other activities or going to gym. I hope this message will help!

I'm not up-to-date on your story, but the reality is, four to five months is really a very short time, especially if the relationship was a long one. Keep up the no contact and continue working on yourself.

Overcoming the pain and forgetting someone that you dearly love is really tough.I understand your situation and that not stop there. There is a right person that is perfect for you. May I know what makes you busy now?Are you working? The other way move on is to make your self busy and be involved in any other activities or going to gym. I hope this message will help!

Thank you! I really appreciate the reply. We dated for 3.5 years so we shared so much together. Yes I am working, just started my dream job a few days ago so that will be keeping me really busy. I know it will be a new chapter in my life and I am excited for it! The hardest part is just not being able to share everything with her like I used to. I just miss it that companionship.

I'm not up-to-date on your story, but the reality is, four to five months is really a very short time, especially if the relationship was a long one. Keep up the no contact and continue working on yourself.

Thank you for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it! We dated for 3.5 years, I am 27. I honestly thought I was going to marry this girl. So I will continue the no contact and keep working on myself. Sometimes I just hit that low point in the day when the only thing I can think about is my past with her.

Thank you for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it! We dated for 3.5 years, I am 27. I honestly thought I was going to marry this girl. So I will continue the no contact and keep working on myself. Sometimes I just hit that low point in the day when the only thing I can think about is my past with her.

My best advice would be not to date. Just do your thing and work on yourself.

I think that you have to gauge how she feels, how you broke up and go from there. If you have done no contact correctly then there is no reason you yourself can't break it. You don't have to wait for her to instigate it. If you want to fight for it then just do it. The worst that can happen is more rejection but you already know that you're not together.

If you go forward with breaking no contact then make sure you talk just as friends, do not bring up the past otherwise you will push them away further. And do not message them with 'hey how are you' or anything like that it's a rookie mistake. You have to message with something meaningful that can start a conversation.

But I do think that you have to assess how she feels and how you broke up before you contact your ex.

Hey definitely feeling in the same space as you - 5 months out of a 6 year relationship. Have thrown myself into everything I can think of to get over it (seeing friends gym etc etc) and like you am still having up days and then will get slammed with emotion and be gutted that I can't share things with him, go to things with him, update him on things - it's very bizarre after being best friends with that person for so long and sharing everything. definitely the hardest part I think.

I honestly think that all of these emotions we still have now just prove how much we invested and loved that person and like you, I thought we would get married. It's a huge shock to have your future ripped away from you and i just think, considering the length of our relationships, we're both doing pretty bloody good.

So my advice for the both of us would be - just ride the emotions as they come, pat yourself on the back for loving someone deeply enough to be this effected by the break up and just try to have zero expectations on your healing or where you think you should be by this point - I think you're doing great!!

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago.

I will say that it gets easier with time. I was with my ex for over 5 years. I don't miss her like I used to but I do think about her from time to time.

whats different then some of my other exes is that the break was awful and I wanted nothing to do with them ever again so it kind of made it easy

to walk away.

with my past gf, she wasn't a bad person, she treated me really good but we just had too many arguments, problems, differences.

just keep improving yourself, do things, make new memories.

some of the things ive done is worked on myself. I am trying to be happy with life and myself. To be honest, life is great for me right now

so I guess im healing lol.

good luck

Thank you for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it! We dated for 3.5 years, I am 27. I honestly thought I was going to marry this girl. So I will continue the no contact and keep working on myself. Sometimes I just hit that low point in the day when the only thing I can think about is my past with her.

3.5 years is indeed long, so I believe that it will take maybe just a lil more weeks and you will feel much better.

True, I hit that low point some day too when I would think about my ex. But then I quickly reminded of myself on WHY it did not work out in the end.

All the best to you friend.

Thank you! I really appreciate the reply. We dated for 3.5 years so we shared so much together. Yes I am working, just started my dream job a few days ago so that will be keeping me really busy. I know it will be a new chapter in my life and I am excited for it! The hardest part is just not being able to share everything with her like I used to. I just miss it that companionship.

I "thanked" your first post because we have quite a few things in common, eg. 3.5 years, recent new job, planned to marry her etc...

I also miss the "feelings' of being able to share everything with my exgf.

My current gf is trying to replace that role, but it just didn't feel the same as my exgf.

I have watched quite a few motivational videos on youtube, I recommend you doing the same when you are feeling down. Cheerz~ (ie. WHY BE HEARTBROKEN? - 2017 MOTIVATION (Ft. Teal Swan))

I am in a similar situation.

I am 27 years old and been broken up for 4 months now. We were together for 3 years.

We were supposed to move overseas together but then I had another opportunity come up in another country and had to take it. Basically we could not make our paths align and she needed to stay back home to finish University. I stuffed up and said a lot of stupid things and that I needed to move for my own self but did not handle the situation well and said I would basically keep chasing what I had to with her or without her. I didn't mean those things. We ended up breaking up about a month before I moved away and now I have been overseas for 3 months.

I have met lots of girls and had so many great opportunities here. My new job is amazing and very lucky to have it but nothing can compare to her and I can not stop thinking about her every day. I always think of every single little thing we did together and how the whole relationship played out all the time. I really wanted to marry this girl and want her to be the mother of my children and I just can't get past it. The thought of her with someone else kills me and the thought of someone else being the one that makes her happy hurts so much when I know it should be me and that our relationship was actually so great until the last couple of months when the overseas option came about.

We spoke on Skype for 2 hours this week but she insists that it's too far gone and that she doesn't think it can work, plus she is seeing someone else now. But she did say that it has been so hard for her and that she misses me so much. I would move back home and give up everything here in a heartbeat as I have now developed myself and know that she is the thing that really matters in my life.

I could go on for ages but basically want to know how you are feeling and how you are dealing with it? Can anyone offer advice or share experience on what I am going through?

Thanks

I am in a similar situation.

 

I am 27 years old and been broken up for 4 months now. We were together for 3 years.

We were supposed to move overseas together but then I had another opportunity come up in another country and had to take it. Basically we could not make our paths align and she needed to stay back home to finish University. I stuffed up and said a lot of stupid things and that I needed to move for my own self but did not handle the situation well and said I would basically keep chasing what I had to with her or without her. I didn't mean those things. We ended up breaking up about a month before I moved away and now I have been overseas for 3 months.

 

I have met lots of girls and had so many great opportunities here. My new job is amazing and very lucky to have it but nothing can compare to her and I can not stop thinking about her every day. I always think of every single little thing we did together and how the whole relationship played out all the time. I really wanted to marry this girl and want her to be the mother of my children and I just can't get past it. The thought of her with someone else kills me and the thought of someone else being the one that makes her happy hurts so much when I know it should be me and that our relationship was actually so great until the last couple of months when the overseas option came about.

 

We spoke on Skype for 2 hours this week but she insists that it's too far gone and that she doesn't think it can work, plus she is seeing someone else now. But she did say that it has been so hard for her and that she misses me so much. I would move back home and give up everything here in a heartbeat as I have now developed myself and know that she is the thing that really matters in my life.

 

I could go on for ages but basically want to know how you are feeling and how you are dealing with it? Can anyone offer advice or share experience on what I am going through?

 

Thanks

Sorry to hear you're in the same situation as me. I am having a hard time dealing with it. I think about her everyday, I miss what we had together. We have currently been no contact for the past 3 months initiated by me. We met up 2 months after the initial break up and had drinks, great conversations and just a fun night. But she told me she just wanted a friendship. I couldn't do that, I love this girl.

I have just been trying to focus on myself. Got my new job I am really happy with, been working out, reading a lot more and journaling. I would say I am generally pretty happy. But at some point everyday I think about her and all the great times spent together and it makes me really sad. I am just pushing through the best I can. I just hope the time and the effort I am putting into my healing process pays off.

Also, I haven't really wanted to talk to other girls. I just end up comparing them to her and I know I shouldn't be. So for now I am trying to focus on my own happiness and loving myself the best I can.

All the same things. The longest I went without contact was a month but it was so hard. I am living in a different country so it's difficult to meet up but I have told her that I would fly back home tomorrow and she gets so upset and seems so close to wanting it back as I think she knows that I'm willing to give everything but something in her that is saying not to do it. I'm not sure if I should keep trying as I am so persistent and so sure that we are perfect together. Or should I just try to let it go and cut all ties?

I also have this new job in another country and its amazing, have lots of awesome people around me, working out a lot and learning another language. Exact same thing happens though or at multiple points through the day... I think of all the awesome times and all the things we did then picture everything we could possibly do together and what I would do if we did get back together. And same things, it makes me sad.

I'm interested to hear how the time and effort pays off for you as I may very soon have to start focusing on letting go.

As part of my job I am constantly with girls and looking after female brand ambassadors and influencers etc. so often very attractive girls. It took me a while but I have 'been with' a few of these girls (it would be an ideal situation for so many guys) but it's the same thing , I start comparing. Especially If I hang out with them more than once and get to know them even a little bit - no one can compare to what I had and it actullay has an opposite effect.

Good to hear that you are focusing on yourself and your own happiness, it's so crucial to do that and would be amazing to master. I'm sure one day no matter what happens we will look back and have strength from this but at the moment it seems impossible to get past...

All the same things. The longest I went without contact was a month but it was so hard. I am living in a different country so it's difficult to meet up but I have told her that I would fly back home tomorrow and she gets so upset and seems so close to wanting it back as I think she knows that I'm willing to give everything but something in her that is saying not to do it. I'm not sure if I should keep trying as I am so persistent and so sure that we are perfect together. Or should I just try to let it go and cut all ties?

 

I also have this new job in another country and its amazing, have lots of awesome people around me, working out a lot and learning another language. Exact same thing happens though or at multiple points through the day... I think of all the awesome times and all the things we did then picture everything we could possibly do together and what I would do if we did get back together. And same things, it makes me sad.

I'm interested to hear how the time and effort pays off for you as I may very soon have to start focusing on letting go.

 

As part of my job I am constantly with girls and looking after female brand ambassadors and influencers etc. so often very attractive girls. It took me a while but I have 'been with' a few of these girls (it would be an ideal situation for so many guys) but it's the same thing , I start comparing. Especially If I hang out with them more than once and get to know them even a little bit - no one can compare to what I had and it actullay has an opposite effect.

Good to hear that you are focusing on yourself and your own happiness, it's so crucial to do that and would be amazing to master. I'm sure one day no matter what happens we will look back and have strength from this but at the moment it seems impossible to get past...

From my experience, I feel like you need to let go. It's so hard to do, but I think it's necessary to heal. You can't force someone to love you. The more you push for it, the further away you push her. I would advise no contact and just focus on yourself. Trust me, it's so hard to do. I want nothing more than to talk to her. But I can't just be "friends" with her. So I initiated no contact until I am able to heal. Maybe later in life we can be friends when I have lost all the feelings for her. But for now it's too hard to see her. You should looks up articles on this website by "SuperDave71" his post have helped me so much I can't even explain. Please search his threads and read his writings. I wish you well my friend in whatever you decide to do!

i am exactly the same as you but at the 6 month mark.

i still have this burning desire inside me to tell her everything that happened in my day and whenever something funny happens i still want to ring her immediately. I have lost that person that i told everything to and no friend or family member will replace that because i have a lot of random Sh*t to say!

i am doing a lot better now than i was 2 months ago, i still think about her all the time and have rough days when something memorable happened say this time last year, right now i know that this time last year we were at a wedding together so today has been pretty rough, i know its crazy to think like that but i have a habit of remembering dates in my head and i have always looked back to the past, i don't know how ill cope in a few week as we went on holiday together.

I still think that no one will be able to replace her, i cant imagine it being anyone else that is sitting or sleeping next to me and i cant imagine that anyone will give me that sense of safety when in their company but i've actually been through a breakup before and i remember ALL of these feeling from way back then so i'm just gonna sit tight keep myself busy and slowly try to forget about her because if i try and force ill end up thinking about it even more!

oh my god it sounds like I could've written this! I'm in the same boat. 5 months post break-up, about 3 months of no contact. People say it's supposed to get better with time, but dammit I feel like it's getting worse recently. It might be because he contacted me (via text) 2 weeks ago. I replied with common courtesy and the conversation lasted less than 5 minutes maybe. He said he wanted to see me and I respectfully declined. That was it.

I have noticed that during daytime i'm absolutely fine! I'm at work all day, hit the gym afterwards, but it gets hard when i'm in bed and the thoughts creep up. I have been crying every night this past week, which I don't understand. All this roller coaster of emotions is so exhausting. Other than that, I'm doing well. I've lost 10 pounds since the break up, getting in shape, starting my Masters next month, and my social life is booming! I have also been on a couple of casual dates where I did NOT find myself comparing them to my ex.. because they were better than him lol. And yet, I still find myself missing him and crying over him. wt* right?

You sound like you're doing so good and have so much going for you! You are very lucky to have found your dream job! I guess hang in there... Just like I am. It'll go away one day. PM me if you wanna have a heart to heart.

Thank you! I wish you the best with your healing as well. I know times can get tough. I think about her every night. I really miss her. But I just need to ride out the emotions and hopefully one day the pain will disappear. You sound like you're doing great yourself, keep it up! We can get through this. The light at the end of the tunnel is there, we will reach it.

I am using an alternative method, my exgf is clearly stringing me along, even when she has a new boyfriend already. I tried one week NC, I felt worse.

Since I know we wouldn't get back together, and she is still responsive to my random chats, I kept contacting her, but AT THE SAME TIME, dating other girls. Who knows? maybe my random chats might make her new bf jealous and become clingy.

I am actually healing, as I am slowly withdrawing from her, instead of the instant SHOCK of NC.

It made me feel better than going STRICT NC, while at the same time I am slowly shifting my attention to other girls.

I am using an alternative method, my exgf is clearly stringing me along, even when she has a new boyfriend already. I tried one week NC, I felt worse.

 

Since I know we wouldn't get back together, and she is still responsive to my random chats, I kept contacting her, but AT THE SAME TIME, dating other girls. Who knows? maybe my random chats might make her new bf jealous and become clingy.

 

I am actually healing, as I am slowly withdrawing from her, instead of the instant SHOCK of NC.

 

It made me feel better than going STRICT NC, while at the same time I am slowly shifting my attention to other girls.

I have done that before with a previous ex. Honestly it worked for me in that situation. For me this current one is different for myself. I know if I saw her with someone else it would crush me. I needed to go NC for myself to heal on this one as much as I didn't want to. I miss her and still think she is a great person and maybe one day later down the line I can be friends with her. But for now it's just to hard for me. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it works for you!

Well it's coming up to 5 months since she left and about almost 3 months no contact.

I have noticed the emotional roller coaster really going up and down recently. I will be happy and feeling good for a few days then all of a sudden it hits me. Then I feel the tears well up and I end up crying over the thought of her.

I always feel better after but it's still so rough right now.

I have been working on myself a ton. Writing in my journal, reading tons of books, getting out with new people, I am in the best shape of my life and I started my dream job three days ago!

I have a lot going for me and I am so proud of myself. The hardest part is not being able to share it with her because I used to tell her everything! That's where it gets sometimes.

Really trying to push through this rough spot.

 

Anyone else feel this way after the 4/5 month mark?

Hey there I am going through a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. It was shocking to me and I'm still shocked. I have done everything right from going to therapy, journaling, working out, eating better, got an awesome job, going out with friends, and talking to new women just to see what's out there. I thought after three months I would be over her but I'm not. I've deleted her from all social media, too. Everything is great in my life except my heart. I wish I could tell you how long it takes because I really thought I would have moved forward by now. But I think the only way is to remember that when we broke up she let me know she did care and just needed to figure some things out. She still wants to be friends but I told her I need more time and she knows that. The only comfort I have is that she doesn't hate me, loves me as a person, but I need to keep in mind that loving someone means respecting their journey if they don't want to be with you. I know she is just looking for happiness like all of us and I want her to look back and know that I was the ex that listened; I was the ex that didn't stand in her way. We didn't end angry or mean, and I always was caring and loving until the end which preserved my dignity. When I can't sleep or get anxious or depressed, I just remember that everyday I don't reach out is another day I've given to myself as well as another day for her to know I heard what she needed. No doubt the pain inside kills but I just keep thinking to myself that time will heal. I remember feeling so broken up about other exes and when I finally healed and believed I would find someone, she came into my life. I try to have faith that one day someone else will be the one for me and I won't focus on her anymore because I will know that there really is someone out there who cares for me in the way I could only hope she did. Someone better is suited for me. Just be proud of the person you are and all you have done. I truly believe loving someone unconditionally can mean that you love and appreciate who they are from afar, and it doesn't matter if they are in contact. Sounds like she will be in your heart, but remember someone more worthy of you can't get in until you let her go. Hang in there and you can always message me for support.

Hey there I am going through a similar situation. My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago. It was shocking to me and I'm still shocked. I have done everything right from going to therapy, journaling, working out, eating better, got an awesome job, going out with friends, and talking to new women just to see what's out there. I thought after three months I would be over her but I'm not. I've deleted her from all social media, too. Everything is great in my life except my heart. I wish I could tell you how long it takes because I really thought I would have moved forward by now. But I think the only way is to remember that when we broke up she let me know she did care and just needed to figure some things out. She still wants to be friends but I told her I need more time and she knows that. The only comfort I have is that she doesn't hate me, loves me as a person, but I need to keep in mind that loving someone means respecting their journey if they don't want to be with you. I know she is just looking for happiness like all of us and I want her to look back and know that I was the ex that listened; I was the ex that didn't stand in her way. We didn't end angry or mean, and I always was caring and loving until the end which preserved my dignity. When I can't sleep or get anxious or depressed, I just remember that everyday I don't reach out is another day I've given to myself as well as another day for her to know I heard what she needed. No doubt the pain inside kills but I just keep thinking to myself that time will heal. I remember feeling so broken up about other exes and when I finally healed and believed I would find someone, she came into my life. I try to have faith that one day someone else will be the one for me and I won't focus on her anymore because I will know that there really is someone out there who cares for me in the way I could only hope she did. Someone better is suited for me. Just be proud of the person you are and all you have done. I truly believe loving someone unconditionally can mean that you love and appreciate who they are from afar, and it doesn't matter if they are in contact. Sounds like she will be in your heart, but remember someone more worthy of you can't get in until you let her go. Hang in there and you can always message me for support.

This response is amazing. Exactly what I needed to hear from someone going through a very similar situation. Everything you just said makes complete sense to me. I was loving / caring to her all the way till the end. When she left she did the same thing, told me that she cares about me so much and loves me as a person but needed her time. I haven't contacted her since the day I initiated no contact 3 months ago. I love what you said about

"I just remember that everyday I don't reach out is another day I've given to myself as well as another day for her to know I heard what she needed."

That hit me hard. I will now wake up everyday with the same mindset from today forward. Honestly, thank you so much. I wish you the best with your healing journey. Feel free to reach out to me as well if you need anything!