Coming out as STRAIGHT

Hi all. Ever since I was small I've always felt different from other girls - a "tomboy" I guess you could say. I loved playing football, loved fixing things (still do), manual work, and mostly what you would consider "boy" things. Growing up I could tell my somewhat homophobic family was afraid I would be a lesbian. I remember my primary school teacher instructing a group of girls from my class to follow me around the playground because I would mostly play with boys (how ****** up was that?!). I also remember my dad showing me how masculine KD Lang was as a "cautionary tale". I remember being asked sometimes if I was a boy because even though I had long hair and wore skirts sometimes, I just did a lot of boy things and my friends were boys.

I grew up and still do "boy" things - I LOVE video games, I LOVE fixing things and putting together furniture, I love working with my hands and sports. I also love puppies and babies and all sorts of "cute things".

I am not gay. I've never been gay. I've always had crushes on men, I've had two long term relationships and some one-night stands with men, and that's all I've ever wanted. But "the world" keeps telling me that, because of my interests, I should be attracted to females, and people always try to put me in a box, because I suppose it's easier for them to justify me being into these things if I'm gay. And don't get me wrong, at one point and because of all these presumptions about me, I had doubts about being 100% straight too - I even made out with a woman at one point because I wanted to see if that was what was "wrong" with me. It wasn't. I am straight, and my sex drive for men, if anything, is higher than most women I know.

I felt terrible (and sometimes still do) that I don't abide by the stereotypical image of feminine women. You wouldn't ever mistake me for a man now, but my interests are still quite masculine. My current partner says it just makes it so much easier to like me, because we play video games together, talk sports and generally have a much more intimate friendship than a lot of couples without interests in common.

More than sharing I wanted to hear anyone else's experiences - has anyone out there ever had to come out as straight? Do people assume you're gay when you're not? Would you be attracted to a woman with stereotypically masculine interests?

Thanks for reading!

I don't understand this. So, you're straight. Why do you need, or want to "come out as straight"? You have a boyfriend. Who cares what anyone thinks? Just because you like sports and games, people think you're gay? I like a lot more guy things than girly stuff and get on a lot better with guys than girls etc, and yes, I'm straight, so why would I need to "come out as straight"? See what I'm getting at? Basically, who cares? Dare I say, I think you are making much ado about nothing.

My current partner says it just makes it so much easier to like me, because we play video games together, talk sports and generally have a much more intimate friendship than a lot of couples without interests in common.

This is all you need to know ^^^.

I don't look masculine and never have, but as a child I used to get told off by my father for not playing with dolls and other supposedly "feminine" things. I was much more interested in toys where you got to make things, which included lego and meccano. I've never wanted children and feel very uncomfortable around tiny babies, and I've always found that men are far more sympathetic towards this than most women. I've always found fashion and makeup to be pretty boring, and shopping for clothes strikes me as more nightmare than pleasure.

So I've never been able to abide by the stereotypical image of feminine women either, though I do have plenty of female friends - who all tend to be very practical, too. I've found that men in general are very appreciative of the fact that I can do woodworking, painting & decorating and gardening. One aspect of my work is in a world which is overwhelmingly male-dominated - and I feel very appreciated there, too.

I read somewhere that the most effective people - male and female - are those who have qualities traditionally associated with both sexes. While I'm not interested in many "feminine" things, I'd rate my intuition as being one of the most powerful tools I've got - and many men have theirs hammered out of them as part of their upbringing.

So my message to you is to enjoy and appreciate yourself for the wonderful, distinctive person you ARE, and don't worry about other people's expectations!

what bothers me is not what people I don't know think, it's what people I know and care about think. My parents and immediate family don't think I'm gay because they've witnessed first hand my heartaches as an adult over failed relationships and crushes, etc. However, I think my in-laws think I'm a bit weird because I like these things and I kind of dread to think that they think I'm using their son "as a beard" to hide my homosexuality. I know it's stupid but a lot of people at work previously assumed I was gay which also hurt me because at the time I was crushing hard on a male co-worker who I'm pretty sure had feelings for me, but he didn't pursue them because everyone told him I wouldn't be interested. I had to "come out" as straight at work. This last situation doesn't bother me anymore because I've moved on from this person and am now quite happily in a relationship but it's still weird that it happened. Believe me I'm not a butch woman but I'm definitely not a girly girl either, which also makes me feel as "less" of a woman.

I don't understand this. So, you're straight. Why do you need, or want to "come out as straight"? You have a boyfriend. Who cares what anyone thinks? Just because you like sports and games, people think you're gay? I like a lot more guy things than girly stuff and get on a lot better with guys than girls etc, and yes, I'm straight, so why would I need to "come out as straight"? See what I'm getting at? Basically, who cares? Dare I say, I think you are making much ado about nothing.

Kind of have to echo this poster in that I really don't understand your perception about women and the world around you. I mean according to you then all the millions of women around the world who are into sports, or are accomplished athletes themselves, all the women tailgating and cheering their football team on in the stands, even if married.....must be presumed to be gay because they are into sports? Do you see how absurd that is? I am really not sure where this perception is coming from, but just open your eyes and look around you. There are no rigid lines of men only and women only when it comes to interests, hobbies, talents, careers, and pursuits of such. I mean if you play any multiplayer video games, you should be aware that plenty of girls are on there. You are not as unique as you think in that respect, certainly not that different from the rest of the women out there.

Enjoying woodworking or fixing cars and talking shop with the guys, doesn't make you gay. Being sexually attracted to your own sex and not even remotely attracted to the opposite sex makes you gay. It's not really complicated. There is no such thing as coming out as straight.

Agreed ^ and speaking as if you come out is likely insulting to the LGBTQA community. I am straight, but my sister is not and her coming out was very emotional. All you really need to do, if people ask you, is say something about how it's none of their business/they seem awfully intrigued by your sexuality/you like men and there's no need to discuss it. Whatever. Don't make it a big deal because it isn't.

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