What should I do? Hard time making a decision. Long post!

I need some advice here...

I am in my mid-20s and live with my younger sister Megan who is in her early-20s. We live in a house with our long-term boyfriends. I've been with mine for 8+ years and she has been with hers for almost 4. Both of us have graduated from university and have good jobs in a big city. We've also got a younger sister (Jane) going to school in another city and my parents (still married) live 3 hours away in our hometown. My boyfriend and I had lived together alone for more than 5 years before we moved to the big city with Megan and her boyfriend and decided to share a place. Megan and her boyfriend had never lived together prior.

Anyway, Megan and I are sisters and have normal arguments and manage to get over them, but as our lease is coming to an end, the tension is very slowly starting to build, as I think we both would like to move out and get our own places. A few months ago, she was heading on a trip out of the country and I agreed to drive her and her boyfriend to the airport. Long story short, she gave me the incorrect time of when she wanted to leave. I was out running some errands beforehand after I got off work and she had texted me to ask where I was. I responded that I was getting gas and would be home soon. She told me she wanted to leave at 7:30 pm so I was going to be home for 7:15 pm. Well, I was about two minutes from my house when I get a call from my dad, who was wondering where I was. I told him I was almost home to drive Megan to the airport. I guess Megan had told him that she was supposed to leave at 7 pm, and had texted him from our place saying she was waiting for me and didn't know where I was.

My dad proceeded to start yelling at me and lecturing me through the phone (keeping in mind, he is 3 hours away in another city), about how terrible of a sister I am being for 'holding her hostage' and for saying I would drive her to the airport but not showing up. He said I was a 'f**king disgusting pig of a sister' for doing that. I didn't even listen to the rest, I just hung up on him. The lecture came out of nowhere.

My dad has always had a temper and a predisposition to believe whatever my younger sisters say over what I tell them. Very frustrating, but just the way it has always been. Anyway, I did get home and drive my sister and her boyfriend to the airport (a silent, awkward ride) and they had more than enough time when they got there. Once I got home, I texted my dad and explained to him why it wasn't appropriate to yell at me over the phone and call me names, and told him it hurt my feelings. I said that if he couldn't respect me, then I couldn't continue a relationship (not what I want it to come to). It was a long, thought-out message. The only response I got from him was 'respect is not shown; it's earned.' No apology, just a 'sorry you feel that way.' I was really hurt and decided I wasn't going to talk to him until I at least got some sort of explanation or apology that I thought I was owed.

My mom called me a few days later and it was a somewhat hostile conversation, and I could tell she was angry that I had hung up the phone on my dad during our last conversation. I was pretty upset that she was 'siding' with him, over the way he spoke to me and the names he called me. So I decided I wasn't going to go out of my way to call her for a while either. Megan came home a week later and we ended up 'getting over' our issue from the week prior. I mostly just hold my tongue as she also is 'siding' with my parents and sees no issue in the way my dad spoke to me or the way my mom defended his name-calling.

NOW, THE DECISION.

Before the whole family issue/tension arose a few months ago, my mom announced she was going to be attending her graduation ceremony for her PhD in Arizona (a 3 hour flight from where I live). She's been working toward this for almost 5 years and I am very proud of her. I had told her I'd like to attend, and then both my other sisters also decided they would like to attend. We had planned to stay there for 3 nights, but hadn't booked any flights or hotels.

The problem is, I haven't spoke to either of my parents since my dad yelled at me over the phone a few months ago. I know my mom asks Megan about me and tries to keep tabs on me that way, but she won't call me herself. Her graduation is a month away and we still have not booked any flights or hotels. It's crunch time now, and I am torn between attending and staying home because there is still tension in the family (mostly anger toward me, somehow). I am at a point in my life where I can actually afford to fly there and get the time off work. So those aren't even legitimate excuses. But, I am still considering using work as an excuse because I just can't decide whether or not I want to fly all the way there and have it be awkward between my family and me. I don't want to have to fake being happy, but I want to support my mom. I originally thought it would be a fun little family vacation, but now it seems like it might be somewhat unenjoyable. I don't want to miss out, but I feel like I would be brushing off the way my dad treats me if I sucked it up and went.

WHAT DO I DO? Do I attend or not? Thanks if you made it through this post; your advice is appreciated!

Your parents sound divisive and manipulative. Go to therapy to learn about family dynamics. Distance yourself except for family functions and being polite. See the drama and avoid it.

I'm not really one to give advice b/c I'm pretty much estranged from my father. But in your case, I would probably send my mom flowers congratulating her but not attend. On the other hand, why should you be the one missing out? Your sister started this calamity by getting your dad involved with lies, and then your dad called you names like some uncontrollable child. I wish you could confront your sister on the ripple effect that her lie caused.