Unwanted past friend reunion get together

Hi,

Sorry, long post.

I need some advice on how to handle a situation.

Basically, an old friend from teenage years bumped into a relative of mine and forwarded on her telephone number. This was in order for me to contact her to organise a reuniting with her and another past friend who has lived abroad but now is coming back to live in the UK. Apparently, according to my relative who spoke with her, she and the abroad old friend have connected via face book ( I don't do Facebook)

I had known these two people since childhood but hadlost contact thirty years ago when I was 17 - they went to off to college together and I didn't.

I have not spoken to abroad friend for 30 years! The UK one, I had a few times bumped into in the street/shops and I felt uncomfortable, as I felt that we had no connection now. We did try to reconnect in the early 90's, but to be honest, we are very different (basically, she's quite outgoing ans socially orientated and I'm not).

Last year I saw the the UK old friend at my place of work and had an awkward conversation. She had call to revisit my place of work again and she deliberately came up to me again (felt stalked!). Again, awkward conversation.

Anyway, I didn't ring the number that was given to my relative, as I felt as though I had moved on with my life/am a different person and don't wish to revisit the past after so long.

The thing is, about three weeks later, the UK friend got hold of my place of work number and rang me asking why I hadn't rung.

I was floored, as I wasn't expecting it. I stupidly said the first thing that came into my head and that my relative had lost the number. To which the UK friend said 'I thought so' and then proceeded to give me the abroad friend's email address in order for me to get in touch and connect.

Stressed, I did send a friendly email 'how are you' 'It's been a long time's etc. to which I received a friendly reply. I did send a follow up one immediately asking questions 'How's your relatives etc' to which I didn't get a followup reply - strange!

Anyway, I now feel on tenterhooks, waiting for the UK old friend to get in touch to organise a get together. To cut a long story short. It's been too long and I feel that I've moved on. I also suffer from social anxiety syndrome, so this has got me really stressed out. I'm interested in other people take in how I should feel about this. Am I making too much of it. Should I just be straight with the UK old friend if it does come off and she does contact me. Would be grateful for your input.

I think that if you're not feeling comfortable or don't want this meetup you should be honest and just say that you hold nothing against them, it's just that you rather not do it at this time.

To answer your question frankly ... yes you are making too much of it. If you don't want to have anything to do with these people ... then quite simply don't. You are under no obligation to call, text or email them.

To be honest, it doesn't sound as though "abroad friend" is that bothered either. If your UK friends calls you again then you have two options. You can either tell her straight that you would rather not meet up as reunions aren't your thing or you can say "good idea, I'll be in touch" and, well, just NOT be in touch. People often say things like "we should get together" and not follow it up. Honesty is always policy however. She sounds kinda pushy.

I agree with Blue that often people get all enthusiastic about a plan but when it comes down to it they drop the ball. I'd simply say something like thanks for organizing/thinking of me but I'm not going to be able to make it. Then stop responding to emails or respond with vague stuff. I don't think you have to be open about your real reasons just don't make an actual plan and then not show up.

I've been on the receiving end of the slow fade with a new friend of mine in my (then new) city and while it can be annoying, yup, I got the hint and stopped asking her to get together. But be consistent with the fade part - in my case, she wasn't when we ran into each other and that was annoying all over again.

Wow. Quick responses. Thanks guys.

I forgot to mention. I did send a follow up text to UK friend to say that I'd spoken to abroad friend and to contact me when organised (in some sort of distant future). I got the reply 'Fab. Looking forward to it'. I know, I know, I felt pressured at the time and that's why I now feel obligated. Stupid or what. I wish I didn't care what people thought of me. It would make life a lot easier.

Well, seeing as your abroad friend doesn't seem too eager either it may all come to nothing. If she contacts you again you can just say you haven't heard anything. If they do end up arranging a night out and they get in touch to let you know, you can make your excuses then. Chances are you won't have to.

Yeah, as others said relax. You're not under any obligation and even though your other friend seems kind of pushy about it, I think that none of them won't care too much if that meet up doesn't happen. And whatever they think of you it doesn't matter, they're not even your close friends.

Thanks for the advice guys.

You've helped put perspective on the situation