New girlfriend.. Why does this not feel right ?

*Any and all comments, insights, or advice is more than welcome*

Hi I'm Nick, I'm 22.

I typically don't write about my life or my feels but here goes:

I've been in 2 long term relationships in the past (1st: 5 years on and off in high school, 2nd: 1.5 years, moved in together, madly inlove, thought we were soulmates, crashed and burned all the sudden one day)

Recently, I've got involved with a new girl who's not the type of girl I normally go for. She's kind of basic. No exciting stories, checkered past, or face tattoos, but she's great! She's hilarious, sexy, and in college. Sex is solid.

Here's where things get dicey. (*NOTE: IM HER FIRST BOYFRIEND EVER. EVER.[aside from casual sexual encounters]*) We've been together officialy for a little over 2 months. We recently said I love you. I'm sure this is a really big deal for her, but it's not so much for me. I'm pretty sure I do love her-- My mood typically feeds off hers, I care about her, enjoy my time with her, and want to do things for her.

...but...

I'm kinda doubting everything right now. I constantly feel inadequate and it's making things very difficult.

She doesn't engage me:

She never compliments me, never really invites me out or to things, never really tells me she wants to have sex or is horny, never asks about my interests or shows interest in them, nothing. I'm always the intiator, the complimentor, and the interested one.

Is this because she's just inexperienced in how to engage and stimulate a lover, because I'm her first, or because we're just not compatible?

How do I ask her to do these things more without seeming needy? Or is that even reasonable to ask? Or am i just ing needy?

Regardless: This cannot go on. I am already feeling less enthralled and unless it is remedied soon, I'm gonna have to break things off and I know that would be a disaster considering she's never really trusted anyone like this before.

Please help!!!

I think there are two problems that need to be addressed. The first is your need for validation from her. The second is her inability to express love in a way that you can feel it. I think it's important to recognize that those are two separate issues.

What brought the two of you together? Was it great at first and then fizzled out a bit? Would you rather be with a "bad girl"? Are you over your ex?

If you broke up with her it wouldn't be a "disaster." She'd likely be hurt but like everyone else who gets dumped would move on and get over it, hopefully with a little more experience under her belt.

I wouldn't write her off yet though. I think it would be only fair to give her a chance to rectify the situation first. If you feel like things are too one- sided I don't think there's anything wrong with simply telling her that in a non-accusatory way.

Not that I'm a fan of ploys, but you could also try taking a step back and see if she steps up a little. Maybe she hasn't because she hasn't had to.

Lastly, every relationship is different but there is sort of a masculine/feminine dynamic in which the man is kind of the initiator. If she always seems happy and appreciative maybe you could learn to thrive off that rather than her complimenting and initiating. I'm not saying you should be the only one giving, but gratitude and appreciation can be a form of giving.

But, yes, if in the end you find that your needs aren't being met in this relationship after giving it a fair chance, then it may be time to end things. If so you'll both be fine.

I think there are two problems that need to be addressed. The first is your need for validation from her. The second is her inability to express love in a way that you can feel it. I think it's important to recognize that those are two separate issues.

I agree that these are two separate issues, but the first is a lesser one. I think your need for validation stems from habit. The previous girls likely gave it abundantly, so you have been taught to expect it during those relationships.

The second, her inability to provide love in the way that you feel it, could be a larger issue. She may never be able to (or even understand that you need love in a certain way), so this may leave you without that sense. She may show her feelings in a totally different way, in a way you don't feel, but since they don't match this may cause a feeling of incompatibility. It can be worked on and learned.

Ultimately, though, you are young and shouldn't have to work on issues at the beginning of a new relationship. If you're not feeling it, let it go and move on. There will be other girls and ones that will inherently provide for your needs.