Most confusing break up I have ever had, need real advice.

I will include a TL;DR for those that are totally not willing to sit through all this. I want to be concise and clear as to what is happening. I know that we all go through this and I have before but this one is tricky and very new to me, experience wise.

I am in therapy, though only two sessions in the lady I speak to is more focused on helping me rather than giving me answers to what I see as a very confusing situation.

I am gay, I know this isn't a gay forum and all that but I have posted to those and I get a lot of guys are s yada yada. I just want advice from people, sexuality aside.

I met my ex 5 years ago. He was a friend I met online and we gamed mostly, we started to do a lot together for a year but lost contact once he got into a relationship. At the time he was young and I was just starting College, he was a good friend and we had met up a couple times in that year as his dad was very close to where I lived in the big city. He grew up in a very small town in PA, when I say small I mean like less than 1000 people. I grew up in California and went to school outside of Pittsburgh. He was about a 3 hour drive and though I could have never met we did and were good friends. Eventually he fell in love with some guy and for a while I tried to be there to help him navigate his first relationship. We fell out of touch, even though I sent him messages all the time to play games. Eventually I got caught up with college life and he with his relationship I assume.

Two years later I had moved out to California to complete my studies as I missed family and I was really working on repairing myself after a bad break up. I got a message from Nick, now an adult of 18 (I was 21 at the time) and he had told me he tried to get in contact with me last year but lost his xbox and his phone was stolen by his ex. It was really awkward to speak to him again after all this time but I was happy that an old friend was doing well. We spoke for about 3 months and then things got a little more involved. We noticed we spent every day together after school or work doing things we both loved. Gaming, watching movies, anime and talking about our hobbies. We moved into sleeping in calls together and talking sweetly to one another. After about 6 months of talking again we really became close and decided we would try to make this work. I had learned that he moved to the Baltimore area and got away from his homophobic town and drunk father. His mother wanted to meet me so I took a plane out 3000 miles to meet him. This went on for another year and a half of online dating.

We spent every day with one another, doing things we loved and things that made us happy. We never had serious arguments but we still did bicker. We fought about time zones, sleep schedules, missing work and small things like that. Eventually the cost of going out to Maryland every month or so was racking up so I decided to save. At this point we had been dating for two years and I wanted to wait for him to be ready to move onto the next step. I waited for him to ask, eventually he did 7 months ago. He asked me to move out to Maryland, to make this real and official. I agreed under one circumstance that he took a week to really think about it and them come back to me with an answer. He did, he seemed to have put a lot of thought into it and I agreed he had a valid reason. Simply, he felt empty every month when I left and it really left something missing at home with me gone.

Fast forward 7 months - we broke up 2 weeks ago over the dumbest thing. So for him he is unsure of what he wants - He feels like there is always something better and he is scared that he isn't experiencing it. He feels like he is unsure of what he wants. We had a fight about him talking to his ex, yes the same one whom made him feel like and stole from him, they didn't ever get closure and I wanted him to wrap up the chapter of his ex and him. The thing is that he never told me he was talking to him. I only found out because he was napping on the sofa and his phone blew up with messages. I thought it was work - so I picked it up and, knowing his password, I opened his phone. It was left to a skype page of him and his ex talking. A lot of venting to his ex was happening and talk about him feeling suicidal, my ex that is. I took the phone and woke him up to show him, asking him worried that he was thinking these thoughts. I asked what was wrong - I knew he was failing school and that he was also failing at work, I knew he was depressed but he wasn't one to talk about these things so I left it alone till he was ready.

Well in the month of December we argued a lot about him being more transparent, that I didn't like that he now hid his phone simply because I was curious as to what the hell was going on between him and his ex. Why he was texting him suicidal thoughts and why he was being so flirty and sexually open about things with him. I asked him to do one thing for me to make me feel more comfortable - either invite me to meet his ex or to at least let me read the messages. I know now that I didn't feel like I could trust him, I knew that I hurt his trust by saying this but I felt like he was keeping secrets from me. Things he didn't want to share but felt it bad enough to hide his phone or get mad if I touched his phone. We broke up after about 2 weeks of talking about this issue. He said he didn't know what he wanted and wanted some space to figure out his own emotions.

Well that isn't too confusing and all, right? I have been there and I get/respect that. The issue is we share a very tight lease, I have a good career now but I am not making enough to afford the D.C./Columbia area as it is too expensive to leave the lease and find something like we have. A studio out here for whatever reason costs 1200 a month in a nice area. We rent a two bedroom, two bath townhouse for 1300. The landlord wont let me sublet or move without breaking the lease. Me and Nick, my ex, get along really well too so we don't feel absolutely rushed to leave. We didn't fight after the break up or anything.

So we live together, which is probably unhealthy right now, but the first week of emotions he saw, I don't know many people as I am just building up a group of friends, mainly they're all acquaintances or work friends. So I didn't have anyone to turn to for a couple nights to silently cry on a couch. So he saw me break down which then lead to me telling him I understand where things went, how things got bad but I can improve upon myself because you are special to me. I love him, a lot. I wanted him back. I was signed up for therapy within days of this happening. I think this only made him feel more cornered and pushed him further back.

Now almost two weeks in he expects everything how it was before except he doesn't have to commit. For instance, he will text me or I will text him all day while at work. We come home and he expects me to just play games like before, over discord, all night. If I tell him I am tired he begs me to stay up and continue to play. He gets depressed when I don't give him company. He wants sex, though I ask too, where he is super intimate. Making his best effort to make me moan. He wants us without us, the more I try to distance myself the more he grows emotionally compressed and turns depressed. I feel for him but I also am feeling like some slave, someone whom can please him without him feeling like he can't meet someone else. Yet he wont because he is really anti-social and has a very hard time speaking to people. We never went out because of this, which I don't mind, I actually like staying home and just relaxing after 10 hours of work. It's been two weeks, two therapy sessions and they have all been about me. Which is nice but I have told her that it doesn't solve my confusion or give me any insight as to what I need to do.

I feel like he still loves me, like he still wants my love but is so afraid to commit and get hurt like he did with his ex. His family has been in numerous marriages and divorces so he kinda feels like there is no such thing as love sometimes. I think he is scared and I want to give him space but when I do I only see a shell of his previous self. A hurt, lonely person whom doesn't know how to come to terms with these internal struggles. Or I am just imagining , I am not sure. I feel like I am not projecting any feelings onto him or imagining him how I subconsciously want him to be. For instance today he hugged me before work, told me he was really excited for me to get off and game with him tonight. It makes me feel like he wants me without wanting to say he does.

What the hell do you make of this situation. I know there is a lot of unhealthy things going on but I am pretty prepared to just be his friends because I agree with one point he made. Emotionally we are different, I am like an egg - if you are too rough I break. I am sensitive and like to talk about my emotions and I sometimes think I know how my partner feels without knowing. It can come off negative(In the sense I predict the worst in situations) or like I am projecting my feelings onto him which I am getting help for. He is like a stone, a rock, too much pressure and he cracks. He doesn't like to be super emotional, he wants someone to be a pillow when he needs it not when he feels like he should talk. He likes to keep things to himself and needs personal things, even if they come off secretive. I realized all this after the break up, which is why I am hopeful I can improve upon myself and show him that I can be a good listener and less pushy emotionally. Everywhere else we are fine, mentally we stimulate each other, we share all the same hobbies, I have one or two I like to myself and so does he, we can completely entertain one another and make each other smile and giggle. He is incredibly cute and handsome, he tells me I am very sexy and I really make him 'happy.' So I don't see why we can't work on this issue. For right now I am working on being a friend and giving him time to think but I don't think he has to think about anything with me around like I am. He can go find other guys, he can cam with randoms, he feels free but has me there when he is done doing his thing.

TL;DR - My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me, stating he thinks there are things he needs to figure out about himself. Yet he also says that there is some issues with Chemistry. I found out it's emotionally - I am sensitive and he is like a rock. I push and he doesn't give me enough emotionally to help support my anxieties. We broke it off yet due to circumstance we live together. It's not bad, I like it and so does he. He hates the idea I would leave not because of convenience (He would move on campus or back home) but because he feels like we will grow distant again. He loves hanging out with me, still shows intimacy when we both ask for sex and begs me to stay up late with him to hang out but will not work on our issues to develop a relationship. I am confused because I love him, I have never experienced this where I am so willing to make things work and I continue to prepare myself for the worse should it come. I am okay being friends but I want him back and he is the type to never admit if he loves me still but shows all the signs he does.

Please, PLEASE, give me some advice. Thank you.

If you're going to stick around to play frienzies, this is what it will do to your head. That's no mystery.

I'd haul it outta there, and I'd tell ex that if he ever decides that he wants a committed relationship, he can let you know. If you're still available then, you'll meet to catch up. Otherwise, "I wish you the best."

Then I'd drive off into the sunset.

Head high.

Sorry to hear this. He wasn't over his ex and that never works out. If you are broken up but live together, have sex, etc. is this roommates with benefits?

You need to move out asap...hanging on won't keep him. What about a dorm or your parents/family friends or roommates?

In the future address your anxiety and don't expect bfs to "I push and he doesn't give me enough emotionally to help support my anxieties". Basically that is perceived as clingy, needy, provocative and too much drama and a huge turn off. Learn to self-contain.

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me, stating he thinks there are things he needs to figure out about himself. we live together. we both ask for sex.