Feel like I'm competing with his hobbies?

I've been in a relationship with my SO for about 4 months now; and when we're actually together, everything is great and I love the time we spend together when he visits me or I'm staying with him.

But, when we're apart, it feels like I put in so much more effort than him.

He's not great at text conversation anyway, but some days, it feels like I'm just talking to myself. He's quite a closed off person and has trouble expressing himself, and I knew that going in and it wouldn't bother me except for the fact that he gets really emotionally invested in his hobbies and posts about them a lot on forums/Facebook/etc. without any issue expressing how he feels about them.

Most of his weekends are taken up with stuff he's booked in to do already (a lot of which was booked before we met), which means that I'm fitting visits in around his hobbies all the time and it bothers me that it's always me having to suggest that we actually meet up on those weekends between. We've normally seen one another every other weekend or so, but as the weather gets better and more weekends are booked out by his hobbies, that's going to get less and less frequent.

Over the next couple of months, there's at least one period of time where we're not going to see each other for about seven weekends in a row - and it feels like that only bothers me and not him? He very occasionally says he misses me, but sometimes, I feel like he only means that in a physical sense.

I've spoken to him about it before, and he's said that he's "just so used to being single that it doesn't really bother him doing stuff on his own" (which is kind of missing the point, imo) - and in some ways, it feels like he doesn't really consider us actually in a relationship because it's distance and I feel like I'm having to compete with hobbies that to be completely honest, he seems to spend more time on and get more passionate about than he does about me.

This is not someone who would be able to have an intimate, committed relationship with anyone. For people who can't connect meaningfully to others, work or very time-intensive hobbies can be a substitute.

If you want someone where you can build something durable and worthwhile, this is clearly not the guy for you. Cut your losses and either end it, or do a slow fade. Stop initiating meetings with him, and just let it go.

The one thing you can be certain of is that this situation isn't going to change.

It's very important to keep in mind that 4 mos of dating is the getting to know you phase. This is where you both observe how good a fit there is and if the amount of together-time suits you. It's not the time for over-investing.

Also don't have extended text conversations. Texting is not dating or a relationship.

Sorry to say, he doesn't seem to make time for dating, no less relationships. Is this a LDR?

Have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"?

This isn't a good sign 6730319]

Over the next couple of months, there's at least one period of time where we're not going to see each other for about seven weekends in a row - and it feels like that only bothers me and not him? he's "just so used to being single that it doesn't really bother him doing stuff on his own"

Agree with the above.

I think unless he can prove you're a priority, you're just a time-filler. Txt/call him and then ghost him until you get a reply. This will allow you to gauge how long he can actually survive without considering you.

Me *personally*, I LOVE hearing from my partner. Any time I'm not with her, I'm skyping, calling, txting or out buying crap for her!... but that's just me. Half a day non-girlfriend is too much for me. Granted some days are busy with work but real love is when you have free time and you really can't survive when you're not sharing it.

...maybe that's too intense for a *new* relationship but even in a new relationship a day or two for me is too long. If it's longer than that, sorry...

You're looking for a reasonably attentive BF. This guy is not him.

Just felt I could put a positive spin on this one.

I have been dating a lovely guy for 7 months now and when we first met and for the first few months I was in the same boat as you. We took things slowly and although he is still very much into his hobbies, he's slowly giving me more attention and focusing more on us. My bf also had lots of events planned before we met, some he still has to attend, but he is becoming more mindful of my needs as the relationship progresses.

Maybe give him some time and he'll come round a bit, Make sure you also have your own hobbies and interests and don't make him too much of a focus on your life. Some people are just that way and it takes them longer to 'get used' to sharing their life with another person.

If you really like him it'll be worth the wait, if you feel this is too much and you want a more intense relationship then maybe he's not the right one for you.

All the best

I've been in a relationship with my SO for about 4 months now; and when we're actually together, everything is great and I love the time we spend together when he visits me or I'm staying with him.

But, when we're apart, it feels like I put in so much more effort than him.

He's not great at text conversation anyway, but some days, it feels like I'm just talking to myself. He's quite a closed off person and has trouble expressing himself, and I knew that going in and it wouldn't bother me except for the fact that he gets really emotionally invested in his hobbies and posts about them a lot on forums/Facebook/etc. without any issue expressing how he feels about them.

 

Most of his weekends are taken up with stuff he's booked in to do already (a lot of which was booked before we met), which means that I'm fitting visits in around his hobbies all the time and it bothers me that it's always me having to suggest that we actually meet up on those weekends between. We've normally seen one another every other weekend or so, but as the weather gets better and more weekends are booked out by his hobbies, that's going to get less and less frequent.

Over the next couple of months, there's at least one period of time where we're not going to see each other for about seven weekends in a row - and it feels like that only bothers me and not him? He very occasionally says he misses me, but sometimes, I feel like he only means that in a physical sense.

 

I've spoken to him about it before, and he's said that he's "just so used to being single that it doesn't really bother him doing stuff on his own" (which is kind of missing the point, imo) - and in some ways, it feels like he doesn't really consider us actually in a relationship because it's distance and I feel like I'm having to compete with hobbies that to be completely honest, he seems to spend more time on and get more passionate about than he does about me.

I know I'm a bit late to this, but I had the same type of experience and its exhausting to put in all the effort. My ex actually ended up breaking it off because he wanted to be single. As others have said you are just a time filler, it hurts a lot, but better to be single and open to meet someone who will be there for you. I can bet eventually the physical visits will also become one sided. These type of people (men and women) are so used to be alone, being w/someone is too much. I really don't think he come around, in the beginning you should be crazy about seeing each other, talking etc. That was my 1st relationship, we saw each other practically everyday and texted like crazy. I feel your pain and I suggest breaking it off, seeing as your bf sounds a bit selfish.