She continues to play the victim and project......

Back again......

This is half venting, half seeking advice.

It's been about 5 months since the split, and 2 months since last contact was made. At that moment, it was over her leaving her gifts I bought her on my car at a concert, me calling her out on spiting me 3 months after the split, and telling her flat out that I don't deserve the treatment she has given me and that it needs to stop. As well as it being my last attempt of making peace with the situation.

But ever since the split, it's just been games upon games, her playing victim and talking poorly of me (lying and projecting), and all this other crap.

I don't speak to her, I don't seek to find these things out. It just comes up when girls in my friends list post things about ex's, and it makes it apparent that she is commenting and talking crap.

I do my best not to let it get to me, but the emotional ties aren't quite gone yet. Though I know to remind myself that I am deserving of much better than all of this.

Just drives me nuts when someone who dropped you says you're the one who ended things. The one that lies accuses you of lying. The one that was manipulative, controlling, and selfish; is the one who calls you that. And all of that, specifically to girls........ Just to make sure they show no interest in me.... It's as if she still wishes to posses/control my existance, while having no involvement in it.

I find myself unfriending people because I don't feel like dealing with the . I find myself wanting to talk to people when I go to concerts, but they see me as following her just because she is there and look at me funny (I fully accept that she will avoid me like the plague, and respect the boundary of her not wanting to talk to me. Though she goes out of her way to make her presence known.) And then the mutual friends (who seem to favor me over her, in spite her being friends with them first) I will be talking to, she will walk up, notice me, and walk away. I'll walk past and catch her looking at me, and when I make eye contact back, she diverts.

It's all stupid, drives me up a wall more than it should. And I just wish I knew what I could do to make it stop aside ignoring it. Because I know deep down there is a level of compassion/care I have to combat to remind me that she treats/speaks of me the way she does.

If she sees me as so low and thinks I'm so horrible, I don't understand why she behaves in these ways.

Just ugh.......... What does one do when someone is out to try and ruin you by selling yourself as who they are, and you are not...... It's very troubling. And creates unnecessary conflict.

You can go to my profile to find posts if you want some insight...

Ignore her. People always eventually see it for what it is.

Every day, twice a day, look in the mirror and say to yourself "who gives a f about her or what she thinks?"

I hate this kind of garbage. Make sure your friends know the truth, not the truth + spin, just facts. Make sure you do not talk about it ever (presuming your friends already know the facts) and never ever say anything bad about her. Just say "I'm sorry it didn't work out," if a comment is necessary. Be your best most positive self. When you can't invest kindly in your friends, community, etc, stay home.

Over time, the nature of you will be self evident. Time always favors truth.

Well, some of the girls I'm trying to talk to do....... So there is that. Then again, tells me I shouldn't really give a damn about them anyways, right? lol

I realize this is easier said than done, but concentrate ALL of your effort on NOT CARING about what she says or does. Just change the subject in your mind. Don't stew over it. Ultimately, nothing she says or does changes who you are as a person. Most people will see that. Some won't. Don't dwell on the people who believe her. You're better off without people like that and this situation is actually doing you a favor by weeding them out. Bottom line is, you have nothing to worry about unless you insist on worrying about it. In the meantime, can you find other hobbies and/or concerts that she won't be attending?

I do. And have been. I just don't really feel the detrimental impact in regards to social outtings. I know better than to care if she is at a concert I am attending. I know the friends she had that distanced themselves from her after we split weren't really friends with her. It was something she told me so she could seem cool. Most of them are respectful people who don't really feed into bs, so they don't let it phase them.

Like, none of them have an actual issue with me, since if she isn't there, they will talk to me. But when she is there........ Whole different ball game. I don't think much if I'm walking and she is crossing my path or whatever, since at this point there is no use giving a damn about it.

The last thing I need to not care about is the bad mouthing.... Which has always been tough for me. She uses it against me, since she knows my past and the issues I have had with people I know spreading lies and starting drama.

As said earlier, time lets the truth come out. It did.

But she knows it's a weakness of mine, and not something I've often been able to 100% not care about no matter how much I try. It's in advent of my upbringing that causes it.

This whole circumstance brought up alot of self doubt and many other issues to a point where I sought counseling. And it's helped a TON. But for some reason, even when I know it's untrue, just urks me to think that there are people like that.

I've discussed the truth with mutual friends who cared enough to ask, and that's been a big part of why they don't really talk to her beyond being acquaintances anymore.

Just all the drama.............. F***ing HATE it. 27 years old..... She's 24..... Why is that something someone sees fitting for their age, especially if they want to say they can handle a relationship.......

Clearly venting at this point......... lol

YOu are being the victim of a distortion campaign. This is quite common in some personality disorders like borderline - not saying she has borderline. I think the most helpful strategy is to classify your territories according to how risky this is. If this is a maliciously uncontrollable person for example (but I don't think so), you contact high-risk places such as your work etc, saying you associated by a troubled person who can contact them and spread lies and you would be happy if you were informed in the case this happened. (I also chose to mention that I would start a court case.) Although it feels super embarrassing at first, many places react in a supportive way actually. In friends groups, you can share that this is mental but preferably with really trusted friends that you know will not carry yur words to her. And it is also advisable to leave some space to this person so she can let off steam there and does not choose to focus on other places. So say nothing to unimportant people etc. With people in between, when you hear what she has said, you can simply and neutrally say "that is not true and do not defend further. Raising eyebrows and smiling but not overtly defending yourself also helps. Many people will realize the truth after a while and you don't really need people who are more than ready to believe this crap anyway.

I thought borderline, too.

Well a lot of people don't like the look in their Mirror because they know they lied, they know they were weak, they know they f**** up.

They don't want to get caught, especially socially, with this image !

So they blame others because, in the end, they can't come to terms with what they have done.

This has nothing to do with having a personality disorder... This is just childish manipulation and immature thinking.

Look at children in kindergartens !

If you check my other posts, it goes much further than this

If you check my other posts, it goes much further than this

Sorry mate but it IS exactly this.

I read your other posts and what I see is a woman-child trying to put the blame on you instead and playing with you instead of taking it.

And talking about girls and men, I won't go into details but you really need to understand something...

Girls just love to bad-mouth their ex with their friends. It's a defense mechanism.

And you should try it with your friends too...

Meh. I don't like to talk . I'll talk about the situations and allow them to make their own assessment.

I confronted her today since when a lie so black and white occurred...... It just drove me up a wall. She may still be giving a run-around, but I've figured her bull out and got the truth out of her.... Pretty sure I have any sense of closure I was seeking at this point.......

Such bs.....

But whatever. All the chicks she is bad mouthing me to aren't anything I'm interested in, so it's nothing major. A couple I did, but found out what they are involved with and became rather turned off immediately.

But none the less, I guess I'll take the small victory of calling her out to a point to where she literally couldn't deny it.

Well you know, I think that the greatest strength you can get in life is not giving a s**** about what people, including your exes and cie. say about you to other people.

Anyway, like the others said, truth will always find a way with those people, may it be a bad Relationship in the future or other problems...

YOu are being the victim of a distortion campaign. This is quite common in some personality disorders like borderline - not saying she has borderline. I think the most helpful strategy is to classify your territories according to how risky this is. If this is a maliciously uncontrollable person for example (but I don't think so), you contact high-risk places such as your work etc, saying you associated by a troubled person who can contact them and spread lies and you would be happy if you were informed in the case this happened. (I also chose to mention that I would start a court case.) Although it feels super embarrassing at first, many places react in a supportive way actually. In friends groups, you can share that this is mental but preferably with really trusted friends that you know will not carry yur words to her. And it is also advisable to leave some space to this person so she can let off steam there and does not choose to focus on other places. So say nothing to unimportant people etc. With people in between, when you hear what she has said, you can simply and neutrally say "that is not true and do not defend further. Raising eyebrows and smiling but not overtly defending yourself also helps. Many people will realize the truth after a while and you don't really need people who are more than ready to believe this crap anyway.

Text every male you know. Put the word out that you want to find someone to fix her up with, because SHE IS SUCH A SWEET PERSON. It will show you are over her and suggest she is lonely.

She has spoken to more than enough of the guys I know..... That was one of her first tactics. Many if which confronted me about it, and respected the "bro code"

She spent alot of time trying to sell herself all while these people actually knew me and didn't see me in the way she has sold it by any means. Including friends of hers that I have made, which don't seem to be nearly as good if friends with her as she made it seem

She spent alot of time trying to sell herself all while these people actually knew me and didn't see me in the way she has sold it by any means. Including friends of hers that I have made, which don't seem to be nearly as good if friends with her as she made it seem

You know what you need to know and your friends know also.

Remember that the way people present publicly may not reflect their full range of thoughts on a topic.

Remember that people's views change over time.

I have a couple of friends whose friendships started with my exH and continued with me, but discontinued with him. Life is long.

Very true.

I'm just in a weird spot still. I'm noticing what people mean when they say it's hard to let someone out once they are in.

It felt good to stand up to her to a point where she knew her further emotional abuse wouldn't phase me. This was this week.

But I gotta get this girl out of my head now. Since I've been complaining about her a bit more than I would like. But I guess I'll take that over where I was before lmao