I cheated and it ended spectacularly badly

I was involved in a long term affair for 6 years. We were monogamous and very good friends but it was a bit of a rollercoaster. As is typical of long term affairs, it had positive impact on my life and gave me some self worth which I needed at the time. Over the last few years he has been dealing with ivf and an increasing amount of life stress. When I was 8 months pregnant with my second child he cheated on me. It was very hard for me to handle and I now know what being cheated on feels like. In the months since that breakup, he has moved on to a swinging lifestyle, he says that he is incapable of connecting emotionally with anyone in his life. There is definitely some depression and possibly sex addiction going on. I think I always thought that if our long-term relationship failed we would be these warm friends who go back to their spouses but public service announcement, that is NEVER the case. Thinking of someone I was with for so long sleeping around and loving it kills me, not so much from jealousy as losing respect for him and devaluing what we had which was real friendship and respect. Also, as a side note, neither of us had ever been with anyone besides our spouses, EVER so this is not the norm expected behavior from him. Anyway, that's my story. Not a question so much as letting this pit in my stomach out to you. Hopefully my experience helps someone.

Yours is an important cautionary tale.

Hopefully others contemplating cheating on their partners will read this and learn that the grass is very rarely greener.

No good ever comes from being dishonest. Thanks for sharing your story. It looks like you've learned from it.

So who child is it, the guy you were cheating with or the husband that means nothing to you?

A cheater cheating on his mistress with others .... how ironic 😂

Thinking of someone I was with for so long sleeping around and loving it kills me,

What did you expect? If he cheats on his wife/girlfriend/fiance then he will cheat on everyone and anyone; including you...a cheater is a cheater no matter the circumstances.

Even if you were made of gold and were I don't know the best thing out there...if he does it to his wife he will do it to you; it doesn't matter what he says about his wife or what the motives of his cheating behavior are.

An honorable person does not cheat when something goes wrong in his marriage; or gets bored of it. An honorable person either tries to make it work or divorces before looking elsewhere.

I personally think he used you for sex. You can't have sex once with him cause you're pregnant and the first chance he gets he cheats. What a dog!

It's funny you say you lost respect for him; you mean you had respect till now for him?

I find it very very interesting how you expected loyality from a man that cheats on his wife; he was cheating on you all along with his wife if not anyone else and so were you with your husband.

Sorry to be so rough...but if a man cheats on his wife with you, you can bet he will take every chance he gets to have sex with every woman that he likes and if she lets him.

If you needed self worth cheating is never an answer...and this is not an excuse to cheat. There are many other ways you could have found that self worth...this was something you had to solve within your self or with the help of your husband.

You had everything a huband, children...what else did you need excitment? Well you got plenty of it now...you should have found that excitment by talking and changing things up with your husband. If he wasn't making you feel good about yourself you should have spoken to him about it and solved things. Or gotten a divorce before looking at other places and starting a new life. But cheating is never an answer...it comes back like a boomerang and bittes you in the ass.

So the next time you want excitment or want to feel good about yourself don't take cheating as an option. Unless you are a cheater; and cheating is in your blood just like this guy you cheated on your husband with is a pathological cheater.

If there ia a sex addiction get professional help.

I also think you should count your blessings before you lose them all for good. Most people would kill to be able to have kids and a husband...basically the warmth of a happy home and a family.

I almost never respond to the posts I read in here, but this post I HAD to respond to! I have never been so surprised to hear that a woman that cheats on her husband expects the cheater she is cheating with to be honest/loyal to her. It's one of the strangest things I have heard. Looks like you cared about him (the cheater) much more than he cared about you. Try to find the love you had for your husband again (if you ever had it in the first place). I wish you luck and if you don't let your husband let him go instead of doing this to him it isn't fair to him.

What rotten people. He and his wife were strugging to have a baby, yet you were still sleeping with him? I only think you have any regret or remorse because he dumped you. Now come clean to your husband on this. He deserves to know the truth and should get to decide for himself if he wants to be in this sham marriage with you any longer before your husband wants to have another baby, etc. And while you YOURSELF were pregnant you were screwing this guy and making your husband think you weren't interested in sex because you were preggo? You are lucky baby didn't have complications from some STD

Thinking of someone I was with for so long sleeping around and loving it kills me, not so much from jealousy as losing respect for him and devaluing what we had which was real friendship and respect.

And you have ANY respect for yourself being more concerned about your married lover than your husband and your sweet child? You need professional help and you need to tell your husband before someone else does - it could be your lover, his wife, someone who saw you together, etc. It is better now when he can start again and find someone who is actually madly in love with him.

And I forgot one more thing....no one was forcing him (the cheater you care about) to stay with his wife...he stayed because HE WANTED to no matter what he said he wanted to be with her and not with you...but hey why not get some sex in the side since he is a dog and you made it so easy for him!

If he wanted TO BE WITH YOU...he would have said so. He would have asked you to leave your husband and he would have left his wife (fiance/girlfriend whatever). Just clearing your confusion.

And I'll say this again: if you don't love your husband or aren't in love with him; let him go instead of doing this to him it isn't fair to him or your kids.

I'm saying it once again I still don't understand your logic how you thought he could be loyal !!!!!!

Best of luck to you! And especially best of luck to your husband.