I found out my girlfriend had been texting her ex

I've been dating my girlfriend for the past year and a half. We've recently have been having space issues and I've remedied this by moving into my own apt. I'm still in the process and have been living and sleeping in the same place with her. Because of this conscious effort to give space, our relationship has improved exponentially.

However, a few days ago, while dropping her sister off at her apt. She ran into her ex. And since then I found texts from the evening between them.

I know I should not have gone through her phone. But I noticed a huge change in her attitude towards me.

The texts I found were endearing and she even said that she "planned on" making her interactions with him more frequent.

I of course, confronted her in a very calm and understanding manner. She explained that because of the unhealthy nature of their past relationship she can never go back to him and that he does something to her head when she sees him that makes her make bad choices.

She apologized and tried make me feel better by reassuring me.

I took pictures of the messages and I can't get over the things she texted.

I'm moving out and she still wants to be together in a relationship.

I told her I forgive her and that even though I'm hurt... I know she has been going through a lot psychologically and emotionally.

I trust her... But after seeing that... now, I'm not so sure.

Maybe I should just back off... Maybe I should let her hang out with him and get closure. But I'm afraid this guy will manipulate her and that I can't let happen. But it would be manipulative of me to prevent anything. I'm stuck being able to do nothing but hope that I can handle this with it getting to me psyche.

Agree, I would back off and give her space to sort this out.

Doesn't this excuse sound rather lame to you? he does something to her head when she sees him that makes her make bad choices

What's your end goal for this relationship? I mean if you can't get along living together and need to give each other space to the extreme of having to move out, maybe consider that your relationship is actually toast purely because the two of you are not compatible with each other. The ex is like a red herring here. I mean unless your plan is to date forever and stay kind of arm's length casual...... maybe it's time to open your eyes and consider the bigger problems between the two of you.

Forgiveness for past behavior is one thing, but she gave you no indication that she is going to stop texting him. That is an understandable breech of trust. I would set a very clear boundary around this, that if she wants to be in a relationship with you the ex-texts need to stop. I don't think that is at all unreasonable to ask. Then give her space to decide what/who she wants. You can't control the interactions between her and the ex, so don't drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Just decide what you will and won't put up with and let her determine how to respond.

If she can't control herself texting him even after you confronting her she maybe she change her number or block his. Lots like an affair waiting to happen.

In a past relationship I texted my ex. Reason: I didn't feel fulfilled in my relationship then so I was seeking outside attention. Not right at all. Very immature actually on my part. Instead of talking about my relationship with my old partner I talked to my ex about my problems. Wrong wrong wrong. I could sense the distance from my partner so instead of dealing with it I looked for attention elsewhere.

There are reasons why people do things, I don't know how self aware she is. But she is seeking some emotional reassurance in some way. Watch out for this.

You two are already moving backwards in your relationship, with you moving out. What led to this decision, and whose idea was it?

The fact that she's now in touch with her ex is a very bad sign. I have had a couple exes try to contact me again after they'd already started new relationships. Let me say their intentions weren't very honorable.

The problems between you two are about to get a heck of a lot worse. Ask yourself what you really want from this relationship.

It's good that you've leased your own apartment. I'd move into it TODAY and leave her alone to figure out her own life while you focus on yours.

Either someone is ready for the kind of relationship you want, or not. She is not, so she's not your match. I'd trust that if the two of you were ever a meant-to-be deal, you'll both meet on higher ground someday in the future. But you'll both need to reach that place on your own. That can't happen with hovering and contact and playing friendzies--so I'd skip that.

If this thing stands any kind of shot, it will need to be a whole new relationship between two people who have grown into new people. That can't happen if you stay focused on her, taking her temperature all the time. I'd make it my private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a new life for myself. It's your percentage play. It will either lead you back with her someday, or it will lead you forward to find the right match for you. Anything short of a full break is just a spirit killer--for both of you.

Head high.

Drop her assp. I'm going through same thing but have been dealing with it for some time now. All it is going to result in is her hiding it, feeling guilty accusing you and causing extreme stress on you. And make you feel extremely insecure. You will constantly be trying to find the things she hides. She will ultimately cheat on you get out before it's worse!!!!

Not liking her explanation. If their relationship was unhealthy, why isnt she cutting him off?

Its not always the case but generally if there are exes still in the picture, its a red flag.

It's totally disrespectful to you and this relationship for her to continue to talk to a former lover who she claims "makes her make bad decisions". If it were me I would be telling her either she blocks and deletes him or you are out of the relationship for good. It's already in trouble as it is.