Caught between two ex's- Help?

Around three-four month ago, I broke up with my ex of a long distance relationship. It lasted a year and 4 month (pretty good for an LDR i believe) however i felt unhappy and that i was losing feelings. In the last month or so we just argued about petty things and the distance got to me so i decided to call it off and be honest about it.

Not long after that, I started talking to another boy. This boy had already been my friend for over a year (we went to the same college and already had mutual friends but it obviously never escalated to anything more) but we just started flirting out of the blue. We have exactly the same interests in terms of music, hobbies and humour so obviously I thought, oh wow, great, things are starting to look up. We started hanging out-It felt good not to be in something longdistance- and eventually started dating until arguments started popping up out of nowhere. Similar to the last relationship-purely over petty things. So, I called that off too as I really couldn't stand the trouble of arguments. I didn't blame it on him, I just wanted things to be normal.

I feel so bad for doing this, but I messaged the LDR ex after I broke up with the second. I don't know what made me do it, and I regret it considering I'm basically toying with both of them now, or that's how it seems. I haven't guaranteed anything-I'm just talking to both of them, haven't been to see the second ex, but my mind is so confused as I know i still have feelings for both of them. I'm asking you guys on here because I know this isn't fair for both of them, and I feel like such a horrible, secretive person doing this. I'm so mixed in my feelings and I don't know what to do. I've never been in this position before and i feel really awful. If anyone who's had a similar experience could give some advice, i'd be really grateful as I know i should do something about this, it's just my feelings are stopping me from making a rational choice as I'm still interested in both of them.

 

Not long after that, I started talking to another boy. and eventually started dating until arguments started popping up out of nowhere. Similar to the last relationship-purely over petty things.

Arguments don't pop out of nowhere. Something underlying is almost always going on.

The ldr guy sounds like a security blanket and it has no potential. I would go with local guy even if you argue now and again...just learn to deal with conflict because it will happen. Do they know about each other?

I'm just talking to both of them, haven't been to see the second ex, but my mind is so confused as I know i still have feelings for both of them.

Arguments don't pop out of nowhere. Something underlying is almost always going on.

It was really over petty things-but I assume if anything it was because we were both quite stubborn, and outspoken.

The ldr guy sounds like a security blanket and it has no potential. I would go with local guy even if you argue now and again...just learn to deal with conflict because it will happen. Do they know about each other?

The local guy was my friend during the relationship with the LDR so they know about each other, but I haven't told LDR that I had a short thing with him.

Hello!!

You have come to the right place!

Is there any "end date" with the LDR? Are you guys going to ever end up in the same place? If not, or if that will not happen in the near future, do not toy with your ldr ex. You will not handle it well, the distance will become a factor again.

With the other one...well, you said you kept fighting about petty things and you wanted things to be normal. Has anything changed? If not, again, there is no reason to toy with him either.

You mentioned that similar fights happened with both. Have you ever thought staying single for a while? These relationships were too close to each other. You should try being single to find what you really want out of a relationship. If you chose to do so, go NC with both.

Hello!!

 

You have come to the right place!

 

Is there any "end date" with the LDR? Are you guys going to ever end up in the same place? If not, or if that will not happen in the near future, do not toy with your ldr ex. You will not handle it well, the distance will become a factor again.

 

With the other one...well, you said you kept fighting about petty things and you wanted things to be normal. Has anything changed? If not, again, there is no reason to toy with him either.

 

You mentioned that similar fights happened with both. Have you ever thought staying single for a while? These relationships were too close to each other. You should try being single to find what you really want out of a relationship. If you chose to do so, go NC with both.

I haven't really argued/fought with either of them since all of this happened. It's really just been polite chats about random stuff. I agree with the timing of the relationships being too close. The local guy was pretty much what I was looking for-someone to relate to in a lot of different aspects and the lack of distance was a bonus. I just feel really sly as I can't seem to make up my mind.

Edit: And in terms of an "end date" we did discuss it but i'm going to university in the coming September for three years. I'm not sure what will happen.

If you don't like to argue, don't! It's really that simple. I was once in a relationship that was constant bickering -after years of being together, I thought it was normal. When it ended, I began to date a woman who, when I would get upset, would flat out ask me, "Is this worth arguing about?" It seldom was. Nothing will change your perspective on arguing like finding a partner who doesn't. It's rarely about the petty thing the argument is over to begin with.

If you don't like to argue, don't! It's really that simple. I was once in a relationship that was constant bickering -after years of being together, I thought it was normal. When it ended, I began to date a woman who, when I would get upset, would flat out ask me, "Is this worth arguing about?" It seldom was. Nothing will change your perspective on arguing like finding a partner who doesn't. It's seldom about the petty thing the argument is over to begin with.

Yeah, I don't enjoy arguing at all-if anything I would try to worm out of it by just not responding to him (not a good idea I know, but it was better than fighting back.) No arguments have happened since, though.

I haven't really argued/fought with either of them since all of this happened.

Of course you haven't! You are not in a relationship now! Also, i am assuming you are the Dumper, so both of them probably want you back, so they are showing their best selves. Since you are going to college for three years, i honestly advise you to go NC on the LDR, it is unfair.

In general, i still would advise you to stay single for a bit. Like Blue Ridge said, fighting is rarely about a petty thing, you've mentioned two relationships with two similar characteristics, the only thing i can assume, most likely unfairly, is that you are the cause of the fights. Even if you are not, you should use this time to work on yourself, getting right back into a relationship with an ex this soon...History will just repeat itself.

Something i hope is taken for granted, but i see that some people don't : It's ok to not be in a relationship. It's ok to be single.

Why not make the choice to be single, while getting your life back on track? You can't continue to play these guys like a yo yo, as in test driving them, similar to deciding on which car to buy.

Either way, I hope you'll reconsider, and do the right thing