Need help about super confusing ex gf

I'm 20, she's 22. We dated for 3 years and we're good friends for 3 years before we ever dated. Brief history about us, we've broke up once before, and have been on multiple breaks. Main issue would be trust issues, jealousy, her being very insecure.

So we got in a fight on mothers day, it was my fault over something stupid, usually it goes she can't forgive or forget, and I have too much pride to just stop and apologize. I got in my car and left and she actually said she was getting her things, aka leaving also I said ok, then she said "and u don't give a do u?" Like she didn't really wanna leave she wanted me to stop her, but too prideful I didn't, and realize it was a huge mistake.

That day I contacted her apologizing, she said she was going to stay with her mom for the summer...2 hours away, it crushed me. Then the next day texted my mom saying how much she loved us and would never forget me, but wanted me to move on and wanted no contact with me. So I didn't contact her at all, and she out of the blue contacts me two days later....and we start texting everyday. I even drove to meet her and we hung out, things were looking a little better. I left, and we still talked daily, hourly actually. Things were really looking good, she even drove here and met me one day, slipped up and told me "I love you" when she was leaving. She seemed very optimistic about us, then I didnt hear fron her for a day....again, and she texts me late one night saying move on, she knows this is best after she thought about it all.

So we talked on the phone for 30 minutes about it all, she said she could never forget the things that have happened between us, she feels there's someone else out there for her and for me, but she would always love me and wanna remain friends. So devastated, I go no contact, then the next day texts me about somehing her mom found out at the hospital, told her I loved her and would always be here if she wanted to talk, she said thank you and that was it. Then we don't talk for maybe 3 days again, and out the blue calls me yesterday morning, saying she left a few things at my house and if I could bring them by her grandmas because that's where she was staying yesterday, which is back in town where I live. Weird thing is she called from her grandmas house phone? And when I said I'll text u when I'm on the way, she quickly responded "oh no, just call me back on the house phone", so I went over there and she insisted we ride around and talk, she basically told me what she was doing in her life, positive things, told me I should find someone. Said she was feeling sick, and not being able to sleep (hinting because we weren't together), then when I dropped her off, I sent her text saying how I hoped she feels better, no response..... that was yesterday. So today I call her phone, not to contact her or even let the call go through, but just thought it was weird, the home phone thing, and no reply to my text, so I call it and it says the number has been changed or disconnected. I don't know what to think? Change your number? But call me that same day using "clothes" as an excuse to see me? Like her heart wants one thing, which is to be with me but her mind is saying no. What do you guys think of this? I love her alot and want to repair this. And it seems like she's not completely over me either, but rather doing things to try to fill the void, like opening up a Facebook, hanging out with a new girl friend of hers, signing up for church softball she was telling me (we never went to church) doing things REALLY outta character.

You have to look at the bottom line; and the bottom line is that she says you are over and is encouraging you to find someone else. Worrying about what she's doing and why, and looking for any sign that she's still interested is only going to drive you crazy. She's probably not completely over you, but that doesn't mean she wants to get back together. Some people just don't know how to make a clean break.

I wouldn't contact her anymore. If you really want to get back together, I would simply tell her that you need to get over her and would prefer not to hear from her anymore unless and until she wants to talk about getting back together. Resist the urge to stalk her on FB, etc. In short, don't talk to her anymore or let her talk to you. Start moving on with your life.

She does sound conflicted. Likely because it is frightening to face the healing process alone. She is trying to do what she knows is right which conflicts with her feelings. You should give her the space and time to heal. She may even find a rebound guy but that would be to your benefit. If you were a stand up guy and she finds out after some soul searching that she really did care for you but needed the two of you to do some growing apart then you should take the no contact time (at least a month or two of no contact) and focus on yourself. Find happiness in solutide. Find peace and joy in your life and that will make you attractive to new people. Let her go. If she really does care for you she will return. If not then you will be better off having not made the mistake of forcing a relationship that wasn't right.

You are not compatible or stable. Unfortunately it sounds like it's really over this time. She have the same nostalgia, sadness you have but that is normal and not an indicator of reconciliation. The strongest indicators are that she moved out, collected her stuff and changed her number.

been on multiple breaks. she said she could never forget the things that have happened between us, she feels there's someone else out there for her. she left a few things at my house and if I could bring them. I call it and it says the number has been changed or disconnected.

You are not compatible or stable. Unfortunately it sounds like it's really over this time. She have the same nostalgia, sadness you have but that is normal and not an indicator of reconciliation. The strongest indicators are that she moved out, collected her stuff and changed her number.

Yea but the thing is she had already changed her number, (I wasn't aware at this point) and calls me from a house phone to get some "clothes" and stuff she didn't take when she left because she obviously didn't want them anyways, just an excuse to see me, and wanted to ride around and talk? And tell me about all the great things she's about to start doing? And even offers to look after my familys dogs while we go on our trip in a month? But it's like, why would u offer that if I can't even get up with you now?????

I was in your shoes and have been there multiple times. The best thing to do is to completely stop all contact. I know you might think is ok because you do not start it but it is even worse when you answer every time.

It is completely normal to want to answer when she calls because you miss her. You think is "signs". However, let's be honest, if she wanted you back than she would have already said something.

I'm really telling you this out of experience and because I literally just been in that position. It feels great to get her calls and to talk but it is worse the next day when you realize you have yet to get back. She is using you because she does not want to face the breakup alone.

She does sound conflicted. Likely because it is frightening to face the healing process alone. She is trying to do what she knows is right which conflicts with her feelings. You should give her the space and time to heal. She may even find a rebound guy but that would be to your benefit. If you were a stand up guy and she finds out after some soul searching that she really did care for you but needed the two of you to do some growing apart then you should take the no contact time (at least a month or two of no contact)

Conflicted is the best word for her by far lol. And for the past 6 months things have been great with us? No fighting, I'm about to start a new job she's out for summer, but then that one fight kinda pushed her over the edge I guess. She would always make comments in the past like "I'm so glad we stuck it out through all the bull" and etc etc, buy it's like we get in one fight in like 6 months, and our relationship has been the best ever, and now u wanna leave? Confusing to say the least.

I was in your shoes and have been there multiple times. The best thing to do is to completely stop all contact. I know you might think is ok because you do not start it but it is even worse when you answer every time.

 

It is completely normal to want to answer when she calls because you miss her. You think is "signs". However, let's be honest, if she wanted you back than she would have already said something.

 

I'm really telling you this out of experience and because I literally just been in that position. It feels great to get her calls and to talk but it is worse the next day when you realize you have yet to get back. She is using you because she does not want to face the breakup alone.

Yea I understand, she's scared, but still feels this is best for some reason. When we hung out a couple days ago she said "idk, I deserve to be happy, even IF that means us not being together", like God stop hinting subliminals at me that makes me think there's still a chance u know?

Have you considered going no contact and not hanging out with her? That way it won't matter if she's "confused" or not because it won't be affecting you. Unfortunately it seems your are reading into things because you want her back.

This statement is quite direct and not oblique at all 6562533] she said "idk, I deserve to be happy, even IF that means us not being together"

Have you considered going no contact and not hanging out with her? That way it won't matter if she's "confused" or not because it won't be affecting you. Unfortunately it seems your are reading into things because you want her back.

 

This statement is quite direct and not oblique at all

 

That's what I've been saying I don't contact her AT ALL, the one time we hung out since the breakup was her calling me...I never try to contact her ever, I believe in the no contact rule. And yea, it's all still fresh so of course I want her back, but in some months that might change.

Yea I understand, she's scared, but still feels this is best for some reason. When we hung out a couple days ago she said "idk, I deserve to be happy, even IF that means us not being together", like God stop hinting subliminals at me that makes me think there's still a chance u know?

I was in a 6 year relationship. She broke up with me many times. and Time after time she came back. However, this is toxic and unhealthy. Things were great everytime we came back as you said 6 months were great. BUT you don't know what she is feeling.

I came to terms with myself that it is not something I can control. I think you are still in denial and creating false hope and this will stop you from moving on. I am going for 4 months of breaking up and out of those 4 she contacted me multiple times. We hung out and went out to eat and place. We had fun. She said she loved me and she was trying to be the best for me. NExt thing I know, she "was confused" "did not know what to do". Look at me now, back to square one and made it harder on my healing.

I am telling you this because it seems that is the direction that you are heading. Stop letting her stop you from being happy. I definitely feel you and why you feel this way. Being there for her will always hurt you. Do not respond to her anymore. Live your life. be happy. If she wants to be with you then she will.

I am trying to move on. It's hard but out of love I am letting her fight her own inner battles. You can't fix her.

I was in a 6 year relationship. She broke up with me many times. and Time after time she came back. However, this is toxic and unhealthy. Things were great everytime we came back as you said 6 months were great. BUT you don't know what she is feeling.

 

I came to terms with myself that it is not something I can control. I think you are still in denial and creating false hope and this will stop you from moving on. I am going for 4 months of breaking up and out of those 4 she contacted me multiple times. We hung out and went out to eat and place. We had fun. She said she loved me and she was trying to be the best for me. NExt thing I know, she "was confused" "did not know what to do". Look at me now, back to square one and made it harder on my healing.

 

I am telling you this because it seems that is the direction that you are heading. Stop letting her stop you from being happy. I definitely feel you and why you feel this way. Being there for her will always hurt you. Do not respond to her anymore. Live your life. be happy. If she wants to be with you then she will.

 

I am trying to move on. It's hard but out of love I am letting her fight her own inner battles. You can't fix her.

Yea, and I'm not, I'm starting a new job, started talking to an old friend, it's not that I'm not happy, obviously depressed but not like paralyzed, not eating etc, I've always been a strong individual, more than anything it's just hurts. We were good friends for 3 years and she was in two different relationships throughout that time, and confided in me through both relationships, then she broke up with her last ex and pursued me HARDCORE, I didn't wanna relationship and she knew that, but was persistant and eventually just turned into one after being frinds for so long, we didn't even have sex the first 4 months after she broke up with her ex and me and her hung out. We had a VERY strong friendship as a base, and just turned into love for 3 and a half years....so I've known her for about 6 years total. I was just different from what she had seen, a genuine friend at first who didn't even try to have sex with her, we just chilled, I liked her alot as a human being, but it turned into more eventually. It's not lost feelings at all with her, she makes that very clear that seeing me, or seeing anything that has to do with me takes her a million steps back and just makes it so much harder.

Bump for anymore advice...