I Think I Know Why She Broke Up With Me...But She Tried To Ghost Me. Worth It?

It's been 2 days.

But I want my ex back.

I'm 19, she's 21. We met each other during a college night class we both had. So eventually I got the courage to ask her out. She said yes and it was amazing. She later said she had been waiting for me and I that almost got friendzoned (again) due to how long it took for me to go for it. We couldn't get enough of each other. So we dated for 3 months...the beginning being absolute bliss. We saw each other all the time, went on hikes and walks and dates, a picnic, parked in the local movie theater spending time with each other every night that we could. She opened up to me about everything; a hard life fighting through foster care, a groping uncle who abused her, and a mother who she hadn't seen her whole life. So first month was amazing. Her insecurities were brought to life and I would always reassure her and vice versa. Second month was also awesome...until a whole lot of hit the fan. Her grandmother in Washington passed, whom she had a close relationship with. The grandmother's children and other relatives who were close to her didn't even speak about her. She flew out there to attend and speak, and I even helped her write her speech before she left. We kept in touch and she came back to me and all was well. Then there was the operation she had to get literally a day after she came back. She was bedridden for about a week and a half. And then she just couldn't wait to see me. Halfway thru it, she snuck out of the house, some small drains in her pocket, and drove a half-hour to see me. She couldn't even stay the length of time it took to drive to me, but she came anyway, and we practiced walking upright (stitches made her bend) and just spent those 15 min in each other's arms. I had never felt love like that. And so we continued onward. We texted basically everyday and it was pretty mutual. Later there was an small arguement about some girl from my class project thing but I cleared it up and we stayed strong. I never cheated on this girl. I loved her too much. Then she hit me up one day with crushing news. She wanted to take a break. This was near the end of the grandmother/operation/mother-meeting-for-the-first-time onslaught. I said that that was okay, take your time, we'll see where we stand in the summer? She agreed and just said she was going thru a lot. I understood completely and sobered up my texting her. Cut to 8 hours later, she wants to meet for coffee. I agree and we meet up. I offer my hand to shake (jokingly, really, but also to gauge where we stood). She laughed and said oh come on, come here. We kissed and discussed and all worries were gone. She told me over our coffee that it was just done in the heat of the moment when I took some leftovers she wanted. We had a good laugh about it and agreed that it was stupid but it had caught me off guard a bit, but it was done and done.

I know this is long, but keep up.

I'm getting to it.

So eventually finals set in on us, the stress and all, and on top of her is the stress of her job laying off all her friends except her and overthinking what her career should be. I, of course, console her thru all this and we keep plowing thru the together. She starts drinking a bit more than usual to cope tho so I simply remind her to be careful with it. She agrees and does just that. Fast foward to our last date. Watched a bad movie and messed around in the dark. It was great.

Finally, it hit. In the third month. My birthday is when it begins.

She says she has a whole thing planned for the day and that she'll pick me up. Really damn excited since we had both needed a break with school and all.

She ends up getting a stomach virus the day before and is bedridden for about three days. She tries to pull thru the next day but can't. I reassure her it's fine and that she should rest. So we reschedule for next Sunday. So she's giving me a ride home from our class and I accidentally mess up the directions for home. Stressed out, she complains at me a bit about it. For some reason, instead of the quip I had at the ready as always, I decide to take this to heart for no reason at all that I can think of, becoming oversensitive and quiet. I couldn't believe myself. She tries to cheer me up and laugh and we do a bit. I apologize over text later like so: "Sorry you got cranky oversensitive Riverend tonight. I know I can be oversensitive and insecure." "Yes. she says. "I'm working on it smh", I say. "No worries", she replies.

I think we're good and pass out.

Thursday passes, with only a small disagreement about some books she said she'd get from me.

Friday I don't contact her at all.

I was catching up with a friend of mine and she hadn't sent anything anyway. Still, at the end of the night, I text I was out and gn. No response. We had a 2pm study group with a friend on Saturday and she had said earlier in the week she would pick me up. I was prepared to bus just in case since she had wanted to make food for the group. 1:00 comes around and still nothing. Half hour later she texts me for the first time since Thursday night (which is when I sent her the heart she likes and oddly she doesn't send it back. We'd fall asleep on each other all the time but this time she says gn without one). So she says she can't grab me. I say that's fine but I immediately feel the anxiety setting in. I go over to the group and we study with our friends, and I begin reassuring myself. Then she says alright, I'm gonna go. I agree with her at the same time, seeing as how I had what I needed too and could use a ride home, as well as talk about us to see what was up. So I say I'll go, too, since I gotta catch the bus but that it takes an hour to go back. She asks if I need a ride and I say yes... then she completely switches gears. She says she's sorry she can't she has to go. I say alright and head out. Realizing we hadn't kissed in a while, as we're parting ways, I say "No kiss, eh?"

She says, "See ya!" as if I said bye, gets in her car, and leaves.

So, knowing she has bluetooth in her car, I call twice a few minutes after she leaves.

Nothing. I text her an hour later. Still nothing.

I get nothing but radio silence for nearly four days, including the Sunday she said we were going go out for my birthday. I didn't even text much, only called and texted twice on that "See ya!" study group Saturday. Not a peep. Monday rolls around (still nothing that morning) when I have class with her, and I ask her if we were cool. She says yeah, why? So I'm like oh, okay, it was just that I called you and texted you (only on Saturday) for three days and I didn't hear from you."

She says, "Sorry. I was busy."

So I think (but don't say) wow so you couldn't find the time to send one message or call for three days in a row? I had gotten worried about her. After class, she leaves and I follow after and catch up to her for my ride. I ask her and she just says, "Did you just run after me?" Stunned but having my wits somehat, I say, "No. I mean I was just wondering if the ride's happening." She says no and, since I'm up that hallway already, keep walking with her. Then she says, "Are you like following me?" I say no, that I was already over here and that there was another way down thru this hallway to the bus stop...but I couldn't believe how she had said that to me. I text her again after that. Guess what she replied? You guessed it. Nothing. Later I notice she changed the playlist she made for me from "Jerkface" (pet name) to "random". This only worries me further. A quiet Tuesday follows and I'm losing my mind at this point. I then text her one last time that Wednesday when we have another class together IN 10 MINUTES (so she's in the building) if she had time to talk afterwards. No response.

She arrives later and I ask her in person. "Sorry, I gotta go afterwards."

I stay cool but couldn't be more frustrated.

I let her go after class, no chase or anything.

She puts on a whole cool act in class and doesn't act cold towards me...mostly. She only seems to when I bring up an inside joke. She gets on her phone and goes "Mhm." without looking at me. But that's all I need. So that night, I pitch the ultimatum via text, saying I want to work this out if there's an issue with us and if she wants out to just tell me. She replies, "I thought you got the picture. I'm sorry you thought we were together all this time." I reply that she should have been straight up with me instead of freeze me out and try to ghost me and that she shouldn't have done that but that it was whatever. She then brings up the leftover incident, saying "I said we were broken up and you just assumed it was just a break." I explained to her that she had said it was a break herself and agreed with me on that when I asked if it was and even pointed out that she came back to me a day later anyway. She says, "Doesn't matter." I say, "I don't understand but I'd like to." Nothing since. That was Wednesday night. It's Friday morning now. So three questions;

What do you guys think happened?

What should I do? Could we work this out?

It sounds like the thrill of infatuation is gone. She has now explicitly said it's over rather than just passively fade. Good you got a definitive answer. Now you can block her from your phone, social media, etc. and find a girl who is into you and doesn't play these head-games.

This is done. I know that isn't what you want to hear.. It happens. Move on with self respect and dignity. Don't do crazy exboyfriend.

But it didn't feel definite. Why bring up that incident if she knows that she came back to me literally the day after she said she wanted a break then continue to date me in every sense of the word the day after?

Why do you want to play games with a girl who isn't that in to you?

Idk it just doesn't make any sense to me

Breakups don't ever make sense. I wish I could tell you they do. After 44 years with two divorces and many breakups all I can say is that people change. It doesn't make them bad or good. Relationships are hard and take work from both people even in the best of times. You already have someone who isn't in it to win it. I know this is hard to understand at 19. It is hard to understand still for me. Some people see the world differently. You have to understand yourself and control you. That's all you can really control, in the end.

She probably can't give a great reason, if she could. Things just don't work out. Don't overanalyze them or look for hidden meanings. Accept at face value. Otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy!

Unfortunately, because you allowed that to happen rather than say "I don't do breaks, we are either all in, working it out or we are done".

she came back to me literally the day after she said she wanted a break

Move on. You had a nice thing for a while, so it's a shame that it couldn't last. But look how she's behaving. Don't chase after a fool.

She should have told you properly but nothing you can do now, let it go.

I know it is going to be hard hearing this. But there is no "We" in this picture. Facts are she doesn't want to work this out. She doesn't want anything to do with you. She probably was thinking about finishing it with you while playing along. Usually when someone comes with a decision like this they allready were thinking about it long long before. You probably don't see it now but she dropped those hints and it build up waiting, hoping or searching for a way out in a immature and cowardly way.

I've been in your position before but the fact also is this girl was still immature and chances are you both have some long ways to go at that age. I can tell you from a logical standpoint why this will not work out with her. But a logical standpoint won't help your current emotional position.

you are full in emotions and still infatuated with this girl, probably even seeing a future with her in a short amount of time. The reality will sink in and hurt you alot, you might have dreams about her and obsess about her 24/7, thinking you might never get over her "beautifull" looks. But I promise you that this will pass and you will become stronger and more mature because of it. These are the times where you will grow immensily from and become one hell of a guy for your next women you fall in love with. I know you can't imagine this in your current situation. I can tell you this because I've been there. But trust me on this one. You will see better days. I can see from your writing that this girl had a impact on your life but in time you will see why she wasn't worth it in the end.