Need advice please

Hi guys haven't posted for a while but felt the need to post tonight😇

Back in September October time I started talking to a girl. We finally, when our schedules allowed it, met mid December. Leading up to that point we had been talking a lot and getting on great. We then had our first date and we both felt blown away by it. We then met for a second date not long after and admittedly it felt a bit flat. She challenged me on this and we had a heart to heart and I agreed to show and demonstrate more effort.

The third date wouldn't occur until early jan due to Christmas and I had traveled back to my home town for the week to see my family. Now, on new years eve she began to drunk texti me. Essentially the drift of the texts were that she thought I'd be happy to sleep with anyone and I was just trying to get into her pants etc (we had already had sex at this point) I told her she had nothing to fear I wasn't looki for just sex etc and I'd prove myself to her.

We had another great date for our third date and then she said she was going struggle over jan because she had some exams to sit for work which I totally understood. I still texted her everyday, even sent her roses etc as I was trying to prove to her I wanted to make the effort and take things seriously with her. We then had another date on the Thursday just gone which again seemed to go great. We went for food and cocktails and we were going to go back to mine for sex but she cried off last min through feeling unwell and was apologetic. We then agreed to meet tonight for the classic netflix and chill. So, earlier today I text her to tell her I was heading back to the town we both live in and that I'd see her later. Her reply was one of shock...

She text back to tell me she hoped I had a good weekend but that she had been thinking about things and she doesn't feel she wants a relationship. She acknowledged we both seemed super up For it in the beginning but that things have gotten too heavy and serious and it isn't what she wants at the moment. I then text back saying if she just wants some space and if I've been too ott let me know and I can back off and give her space. I then asked if we could actually talk instead of having a text based debate and she said we could later when she got home....several hours past and then she text again to ask if she could speak to me tomorrow as it was late.

So question is what now?? Is it dead and buried?? Am I being mugged off by her?? Just a little perplexed by her sudden change of tune.

Thanks for reading and all responses welcome x

She drunk text and says she thinks all you want her for is sex. So you send her flowers and then she gets scared that you actually want something of substance with her and it scares her so she caves to her fear and ends things.

I think you're probably better off just telling her "have a good life" over text and then never talking to her again. I suspect she'll drunk text you again in no time once she thinks you've lost interest... just like most psychos tend to do.

Sorry.

It's dead and buried. Time to move on, and in the future don't give in to women who after the second date get you 'to demonstrate more effort'. She wasn't exactly putting in effort, so next time stand up and make them accept you for what you are. She was leading you around like you had a ring through your nose, don't pester her as she's most likely got some other guy in tow and maintain some dignity. NC all the way.

It's probably dead, yes. But I think you should reassess your approach if you are actually looking for a long-term relationship. Less talking, meet sooner. Slow down on sex, get to know her. Remember it's not real, not until it's a relationship.

Thanks guys. I think the thing that puzzles me the most is on the Thursday I asked her about things going forward and relationships etc and she said that it was too soon for that talk however she then stated with the same breathe that I was doing all the right things with regards to moving things that way. Coupled with how touchy feely and close we were over the whole date it feels very strange. We had spoke about the last few weeks and me texting all the time etc whilst I knew she was studying and even she said she felt that was her fault because she knew I was trying to put ,ore effort in like she had asked.

With regards to someone else being involved - I personally thought that at first mainly because I'm used to be ditched for another. However I don't think in this case it's happened like that. I think it's more down to her not having time etc. it just puzzles me further how things can go from us being seemingly on the same page, me apparently ticking all the boxes, to then being left out in the cold.

It's probably dead, yes. But I think you should reassess your approach if you are actually looking for a long-term relationship. Less talking, meet sooner. Slow down on sex, get to know her. Remember it's not real, not until it's a relationship.

I totally agree however the delay in this instance with meeting was our schedules. This is why we spoke so often and got to know each other more and more over text and phone conversation.

For me I'm just struggling to understand the sudden change from her point of view when I thought I was doing everything right!

I totally agree however the delay in this instance with meeting was our schedules. This is why we spoke so often and got to know each other more and more over text and phone conversation.

 

For me I'm just struggling to understand the sudden change from her point of view when I thought I was doing everything right!

Well, you didn't really know her. You only met her three times - you guys were still strangers. Hard to guess motivations of others.

Thanks again for the response. I understand what you're saying. I thought, clearly foolishly, that we knew each other well enough to have at least a basic level of respect. I guess I just feel like such a fool after her antics with NYE and the "lack of effort" only for her 4 weeks later to change her mind. I've asked if we can talk at least and not leave it all over text message. Not sure if that's a bad idea. I know on the long run I'll be fine! The kicker of that this is the first girl for a long time I've both genuinely liked, thought she liked me too and I was willing to let boundaries down with.

Man feel so frigging pathetic!! Feel so so so down at the moment and like a total muppet! Feels like whilst I was there trying to please her I've just been laughed at the whole time by her and her friends and family etc

Sorry for rambling guys 😞

She's a flake. I doubt she's thinking about any of that. To be brutally honest, I doubt she's thinking about you at all. The minute you showed that you were interested and you jumped through her hoop is the minute she stepped back. This is why I say keep dates for the first few times very inexpensive but fun. If they're interested in you (really interested) you will know it without having broken the budget. Save any flower giving until she tells you she loves you or at the very least is showing you in actions that she does.

Don't think about her or it or what she may or may not be doing. She's not worth your angst. She really isn't.

Tbf we have spoken since over text and she's been more open and honest and I do feel better. Essentially she said the first date was magical and there were feelings all over the shop but as she's got to know me she doesn't feel ready for a relationship and reading between the lines she's just after FWB's. It sucks in that she's made jump through hoops yes but subconsciously I feel like I know this is the right decision. Yes I'm hurting because it's not on my terms, I think most of us hate it when that happens when we feel we should of pulled the trigger first.

Case in point - the flat date was flat because seeing her without drink fueling me made me wonder if I was actually attracted to her as much as I thought. Then with the drubken text on NYE I was in two minds - one was to do what I've been doing the last several years when I get the sniff of issues and that was to just sack her off. But I decided she had multiple quality attributes to work through that and give her a chance.

Then came the effort issue. In retrospect the effort was a one way street. She's now said during her time of study she was thinking about things and accepted we are both sexually attracted to one another and she enjoys my company but she thinks that all it is. But here's the crazy things - every day I was texting her simple nice pleasentries and tbf it started to be less about me wanting to be nice and more of a choir if that makes sense? I think I knew then it was a one way street but I felt "well I've invested x amount of time so I might as well keep working on making her feel happy"

I suppose I should be happy she's told me now instead of say several months down the line when I might have fell in love with her etc?

Thanks guys xx