I think it's over..haven't talked in two weeks after a lot of problems

Long story short,

it was the end of summer and I go to a residency for medical school. I was exhausted as we just finished finals and my girl wanted to start celebrating summer and go out a lot. I was burnt out, my dog of 16 years had died just months ago and I hadnt had any real time to grieve, my grandmother has been dying for about a year now and the fact she isnt is torturing my mom as seeing someone you love in terrible pain is difficult. It's just been a really bad 10 months.

So my girl wanted to be more out going, see friends more with me and her but I'm more of a lets go out for a nice dinner and watch a movie. She's not like that, she wants to go out and be more into the bar scene with me. I am over it, I'm 31, she's 27 and feels she still has a lot of that left in her. So her new thing is she wants us to spend more time with her family because shes a traditional girl (middle eastern culture) and wants to see more of family and friends.

I'm more Americanized, I like spending time with my girl alone but she doesnt like this. So after a lot of bickering and back in forth during the summer we took a week off because after going to her cousins graduation then a friends birthday of hers I just wanted some alone time and she felt like its a choir to do so.

I then took her to Cancun all expense paid, I love this girl a lot and wanted to marry her and she wanted to marry me. All was well until we came back and picked up where we left off. It was a cousins wedding (she has a ton of cousins) and then after that weekend she had another cousins wedding...we argued a lot at the wedding, she kept asking me why in God's name I forgot to wear a tie even though I purposely didnt wear a tie because I like how I look without a tie. She then kept complaining I dont call her beautiful even though I call her beautiful on a weekly basis but I just didnt that night. After a lot of arguing I foolishly and quietly walked out on the wedding that night. I did that in front of her family, there's no defending my actions of acting like that but I truly feel like I burned out.

I woke up the next day regretting my decision to act like that and apologized. When we met in person we discussed our flaws as a couple and I told her shes really mean to me and doesnt want to spend enough alone time. She sees alone time as a choir, and being more outgoing is where her heart is and thats not where I'm at right now. I asked her to also be nicer to me because it hurts when someone you love is constantly critical of everything and lacks appreciation.

She asked me to be more involved in family and so we made an agreement to try to change. Well, 2 weeks ago after a really bad day at my residency, I was told I didnt perform well out of 10 people and it really sucked to be singled out like that. I asked her if we can go out and just spend time as I was down. She kept asking me if we can go to a bar...I finally succumbed and took her then at the bar I told her I miss her and she should sneak out of her house and sleep over (jokingly) so we can cuddle...she snapped and told me no its ok I dont want to. I had no idea what set her off but before I knew it she was mad I asked her to sleep over (she gets mad over weird non sense things) and now we were being quiet with eachother.

I asked her if we can go to my car to talk, when we did I just said I love u but you're so mean and no matter what, after 4 years together you still get mad over the most bizarre things. She just kept arguing and I said this is why I have a hard time doing nice things for you because you dont appreciate them and then she reacted very aggressively. I had an epiphany in that moment...if I stay with this girl this is how my life is going to go. Because I love her I'm willing to abandon logic and spend the rest of my life with someone who treats me this way.

Before I knew it, it was like regurgitation I just couldnt keep it in I told her maybe we should consider breaking up for now because we dont ge talong....she freaked out and said ok lets do that then if thats what you want how dare you walk out on a wedding in front of my family and now break up. She's not wrong in what shes saying...its just how she treats me after years of financially and emotionally supporting her that makes me feel this way.

I immediately began to back track and said I love you I dont want to lose you I just feel we need to work on ourselves...she cut me off and told me to never talk again and she blocked my number. The next day I FB messaged her and she said shes not ready to talk, shes very hurt and has lost respect for me and needs to figure things out. Well it's been about 2 weeks we haven't spoken, I can honestly say I'm being as still as possible internally because this is the hardest week of my life. I have exams while coping with a loss of this magnitude.

I loved this girl and I know this forum is unkind to the break upers but I really really really tried not to...I love her a lot and I dont know what happens now but it looks like it's over. Was I wrong to do so? I hate to word it like this but in the nearly 4 years we dated I paid for everything and took care of her, I woke up every morning and texted her good morning my love have a great day, our physical life was amazing till the end, we still make out all the time after all these years and I never once cheated on her. Not to mention I told her I want to marry.

My personal opinion if it helps you give me some advice is I met her when she was 23, she doesnt know how guys are yet and doesnt appreciate what she has because I always appreciated her.

I normally fall apart really badly after a break up but right now Im staying strong...

I think breaking up with her was inevitable. she sounds very difficult to deal with and there's no reason to think she will change her ways. Perhaps it's her culture that makes her the way she is, she seems to be very concerned about appearances. You sound like a good guy, and in time when you are over her, maybe you will find someone who appreciates you for you. She certainly didn't.

I think breaking up with her was inevitable. she sounds very difficult to deal with and there's no reason to think she will change her ways. Perhaps it's her culture that makes her the way she is, she seems to be very concerned about appearances. You sound like a good guy, and in time when you are over her, maybe you will find someone who appreciates you for you. She certainly didn't.

Thank you for your comments,

honestly, I dont want to be too subjective and make myself sound like a saint but I really put 110% everyday for her as I assumed she was my future wife. With my ex before her, I put in maybe 40% effort and it REALLY hurt when I lost her so I learned it was time to be a man and grow up. I have no regrets with my current ex but I just felt like as you said...she is very difficult to deal with. And yes it is entirely cultural, many middle eastern girls (NOT ALL) believe its their mans job to take care of every little thing in life for them...

Thank you for your comments,

 

honestly, I dont want to be too subjective and make myself sound like a saint but I really put 110% everyday for her as I assumed she was my future wife. With my ex before her, I put in maybe 40% effort and it REALLY hurt when I lost her so I learned it was time to be a man and grow up. I have no regrets with my current ex but I just felt like as you said...she is very difficult to deal with. And yes it is entirely cultural, many middle eastern girls (NOT ALL) believe its their mans job to take care of every little thing in life for them...

Even though we are getting the information from you, you can still objectively look that the events that happened. i. Lack of alone time and intimacy. iii. Fights and arguments over trivial events. iii. Broken up and no effort to reconcile on her behalf. You can see that the relationship has run its course. It sounds like you would be better suited from someone else.

Do you mind me asking, are you middle eastern?

Even though we are getting the information from you, you can still objectively look that the events that happened. i. Lack of alone time and intimacy. iii. Fights and arguments over trivial events. iii. Broken up and no effort to reconcile on her behalf. You can see that the relationship has run its course. It sounds like you would be better suited from someone else.

Do you mind me asking, are you middle eastern?

I am but I grew up in the US and culturally speaking I am American. You dont realize how American you are till you date a middle eastern girl. BTW she is americanized too she just choses to conveniently be middle eastern about whatever benefits her.

Hurts to hear you say the relationship has run its course because its the truth

I had a similar situation where I felt taken for granted in my last relationship he had some emotional problems and I helped him cope but at the same time I felt I always had to be the strong one. he was never there for me/ couldn't be he relied to heavily on me. We did not get to do new relationship things in the beginning he was too preoccupied with himself. Like you mentioned spending time together as couple I wanted that too quality time but that rarely happened It came to the point I felt so so taken for granted and unappreciated to the point that I ended things. Its hard when you do so much and they can't see it really I know. I regretted not trying to talk things through first before ending it. But in the end I don't think it could have worked even though I loved him so much. I still do But in the end you can't go on in relationships that don't make you feel the best even if you love the person. and thats hard. I am a student working on a degree also after I get my math, biology, chemistry and such I am hoping to pursue med school in the future too lol But I always felt with a relationship where you give so much and receive so little is counterproductive in the end and only holds you back I felt that being with him. In the end I think you made the right choice even though its hard now. Maybe consider no contact thats what I've been doing for the last few days it helps you move on a bit faster. All the best!

Thank you for your comments,

 

honestly, I dont want to be too subjective and make myself sound like a saint but I really put 110% everyday for her as I assumed she was my future wife. With my ex before her, I put in maybe 40% effort and it REALLY hurt when I lost her so I learned it was time to be a man and grow up. I have no regrets with my current ex but I just felt like as you said...she is very difficult to deal with. And yes it is entirely cultural, many middle eastern girls (NOT ALL) believe its their mans job to take care of every little thing in life for them...

I know that feeling too well! Many Eastern European girls expect everything, to be taken out 3/4 times a week, all rent/bills paid for by the man, all food paid for, regular presents, gifts, trip and holidays. I dated a Polish girl for 4 months, it was financially extremely difficult! Along with many many many other issues. Her step-dad pays for everything with her mum, likewise in their family, it's down to the man to take care of everything, no matter what! I didn't succumb for long, she wanted to rent a place 50/50 so I agreed, soon after she wasn't paying a penny, despite the fact she was earning 3-4k a month tax free from modelling which I sorted out for her. Ha. Needless to say she was out the door soon after.

Thank you guys for the comments,

yes I am doing no contact currently. To be honest as down as I am I feel very motivated, it's really hard to not think about it but its even harder to be mean to myself after all I did for her. For once, my mind, heart, and spirit are on my side and sparing me sadness as much as possible.

It's so hard to pay for everything for a girl 24/7, I loved her and was doing so but I just never felt appreciated. She acted as though these things were a given.