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Thread: Musings

  1. #31
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    My journal name

    u know i just realized the other day while leafing thru the journals section that there's another journal with the name "musings" in it. now if i had known that i wouldve come up with another title, cause i like to try and be a lil original. wonder if there's a way to change it

  2. #32
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    what a day...

    I had a crappy day. all this started yesterday late evening when I started getting a headache and feeling not so good. This made me nervous but Usually when I get random headaches my 1st instinct is to check my blood pressure. when I got home I checked it on my electronic monitor and it was high as I suspected. higher than normal. of course with me suffering from anxiety (which has been flaring up lately), seeing that high reading made me worry and a lil scared---> Which in turn makes the pressure stay where it's at or go higher. I took my medication once the time rolled around...thought about taking two since I only take 5mg anyway which is a small dose but didn't. I felt hot all over like a flush, and a lil nervous.

    now anyone that has anxiety can tell you anything medical can be a serious trigger.

    but eventually I dozed off. woke up few hrs later, checked it again and it was still high. fast forward to this morn: I thought maybe my home monitor was a lil off, it's only a month old but still, so I went to the store. store confirmed what my home monitor said. I walked around , tried (and I do mean TRIED) to calm myself, drink water, take a garlic pill blah blah blah. once I got home it had come down a lil. then I went to the gym and after that it consistently has come down.

    the culprit is lately I haven't been feeling too great. a lil depressed I think. so ive been eating pretty much whatever I want. I mean taco bell for lunch and dinner 3 days in a row or more, stuff like that. anyway couple that with my anxiety and depression and what do u get? HBP.

    Right now it's ok, but now im checking it religiously. im kind of a hypochondriac sometimes. I tried distracting myself, going somewhere relaxing, talking on phone, listening to soothing music. but with my anxious mind now triggered it's difficult but im trying.

  3. #33
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    V day...

    well V day is tomorrow. my bf chad has a nice dinner planned for us along with tickets to a local attraction ive been asking him to take me to for awhile, I mean since early last year. he was dragging his feet so bad that when I got with rick I asked him to take me and he did in fall 2014. It was such a fun date. now chad wants to take me and already bought the tickets! it was sweet and I was surprised he remembered...tho late as hell. I told him id already gone , but didn't mention my companion. I just said id forgotten to mention it to him but id go anyway.

    as for rick, yesterday night he called me on video chat out of the blue. mind you we haven't video chatted since before the breakup. I was at work and told him id call him back in 10-15 min, which I did but he didn't pick up. and I haven't heard back from him since. now im up here wondering what in the world did he want? even if it was just a chit chat call what was his motivation. he does always text me almost every day but still, VIDEO chat? My friend said maybe he wanted to see if I was with another guy...if youre on video chat and youre with someone then u cant pick up. but I told her I honestly don't think he thinks that deep (she's a little mini detective). who knows what he wanted. youll drive ur self crazy trying to figure out ppl's motives. I do know that val day is tomorrow and that brings out strange feelings in people....ill be updating here tomorrow.

  4. #34
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    well, my v day was actually great...

    my bf (chad) took me to the great Asian restaurant where they cook the food right in front of u on the grill. it was a bit crowded but the food was real good. but the real fun came afterwards , I suggested we go to a strip club. we'd talked about it for awhile but never acted on it. well we went and we had so much fun. it was earlier in the evening so not a lot of ppl were there yet and that made it even better. after we left I was so hot we had the best sex we'd had in awhile. I told him that I wanna do different things like that more often. if he would just step up and be more proactive about picking out places and not letting me do it all the time I think we'd be a lot better off.

    in other news: before I left the house on v day, rick text me "happy valentines day " I text him the same back and that was that....

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  6. #35
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    Glad you had fun on your date. It sounds like he picked the restaurant and you chose a strip club -so it does sound like he's being proactive about planning dates.

  7. #36
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Glad you had fun on your date. It sounds like he picked the restaurant and you chose a strip club -so it does sound like he's being proactive about planning dates.
    yes Thank goodness. I hope it continues

  8. #37
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    ramblings on my off day

    I took a day off. I never realize how i have no life and how alone i am until i am off work. i went to the gym. cooked. and basically been on youtube looking up celeb gossip for the rest of the time. i check on here every now and then. and because that's what ive been doing all day my mind wanders. and you already know where it wanders to. not to say that it doesn't do that during work because it does. sigh. actually there r so many thoughts in my head that bounce around i haven't shared in this journal. i am actually pretty bad at sharing whats on my mind with ppl. even tho i don't know the ppl reading this...that i know of. i feel uncomfortable for many reasons: fear of judgement, fear of bothering ppl, fear that someone will tell me my problems are nothing compared to someone else's. i need to get past that. if i do, maybe this journal could be cathartic for me.

    i think if i saw chad more id feel better. when we saw each other more i felt better about things. you know ppl can say what they want to try and make being single or alone ok, that u should enjoy ur own company, be ok without a man/woman, but there's nothing like knowing someone is there for you and can keep you company, has ur back, loves and cares for you. that even if everyone else turns their back, that person is there. if you want to be single by choice, then that's different, but all that cushioning crap that ppl say to make themselves feel better about being single when they really want someone is their lives is just that: crap. humans are social creatures and there's nothing wrong with wanting that companionship and i want it. i miss lying in bed with someone , talking while he rubs my back. nothing sexual needs to even happen, just having that physical closeness and warmth. it's a natural need and im not ashamed to say i miss it

    sitting here alone, just thinking random thoughts....bear with me.

    OH---here's an update about my friend "cici" that got into that physical altercation with her boyfriend "R"...i don't know whether i wrote about them in the journal but i do have a 2 separate posts about it if you look in my post history: on val day they went out to eat, and went out elsewhere, had a great time. they seem to be getting along...so far. he gave her a card and on it put "happy val's day to my wife"...they're not engaged nor married. i damn near vomited when she told me. i picked them up and went to a clothing store with her...he was there with us and it was hard for me to look at him. the 3 of us talked and the outing went fine but it was so uncomfortable being there around him chatting like it's all good and i know he choked her out just a week or so ago....

  9. #38
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    I agree with you that it's silly to rationalize about how great it is to be single if marriage/long term relationship is a life goal. Single by choice -from a positive perspective -of course that's great too!
    I gave you my suggestions on how to meet people (including women who can introduce you to men) so I won't repeat them.

    I'm sorry about your friend - hopefully she'll see the light.

  10. #39
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    Batya: exactly , people justify it in their head to make themselves feel better.

    yes, thanks for ur suggestions, I appreciate u reading all my little ramblings.

    my friend ...im still stuck about that situation but I haven't been thinking about it too much cause it was stressful.

  11. #40
    Bronze Member luxurylover's Avatar
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    Interesting update

    Well this morning I got a text from Rick and it said "..I miss you".

    I had been waiting so long for that text I knew he felt it I just wanted to hear it. I told him I miss you too. After that we text for a long time back and forth this morning it was really nice.

    Just thought I would give everybody a update. Now I'm waiting on the I love you text that's my next thing...

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