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Thread: Feeling hurt when my boyfriend looks at other girls

  1. #1
    leah3

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    Unhappy Feeling hurt when my boyfriend looks at other girls

    Recently I've noticed my boyfriend looking at other girls, when we're walking, eating dinner, anywhere. I know when a pretty girl walks by, even from a distance he will look. If she's about to walk by, I literally just stare at him because I know he's going to look. EVEN WHEN IM LOOKING AT HIM. Anyway, he didn't always do this. In the beginning before we started dating, he NEVER looked at other girls. and I didn't mind if he did or not because I didn't like him like he liked me yet. I started to appreciate it though, how he didn't seem to even notice other pretty girls. His attention was always on me, always looking and smiling and talking to me. He noticed all these little things about me, and said it was because he likes me so freakin much. We've been dating for a while now and we love each other. He has said I'm beautiful and he loves me blah blah, but now he looks at other girls. And it hurts! I hate reading how guys are just guys, its natural, accept it. I can't, its like EYE CHEATING and it HURTS. It's not fair I'm told this pain will never go away, I must accept it for the rest of my life. It hurts because like I said this didn't always happen. I've read about the coolidge effect, and it hurts when I hear guys say "looking at the same stuff gets boring", blah blah. Am I supposed to be ok with the fact that the person I LOVE more than anything may be slowly losing interest? And no, I don't look at other guys. I look at attractive guys like I do anyone else, but guys are visual and will LOOK at girls. I hate feeling this jealousy, it's getting worse every time. now I get jealous when he hangs out with his girl friends or even talks to other girls. Should I say something or ignore it? Should I try to make HIM jealous? It's not like I can start over and recapture his interest by playing hard to get. Idk what to doo. Hate this feeling!!!

    PS We're in college

  2. #2
    DN

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    You really need to get past this, it's the sort of thing that will destroy a relationship. 'Cats can look at a King' and boys can look at girls. It isn't cheating and it's unwise to so define it.

  3. #3
    bulletproof
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    Quote Originally Posted by leah3 [Register to see the link]
    ...its like EYE CHEATING and it HURTS.
    What exactly is "eye cheating"? That seems like kind of a strange phrase to me.

    Is he gawking at them or simply looking? If he's gawking and making a spectacle of himself, I can understand simply being embarrassed because that's awkward behavior. If he's just looking, then yes, that's natural, and there is nothing you can or should do about it.

  4. #4
    pandorasbox1
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    I personally can understand how you feel and unfortunately men will never try and understand things from your perspective. I think the wisest thing to do is dit down and talk. Tell him you notice these things, that it bugs you and ask him why he does it. Maybe if you can understand why you will feel better. Also try explain how it makes you feel.

    If I were you I would ask flat out if I'm just not doing it for him anymore. I would want to know if he would rather try his luck elsewhere. I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't want to look at Me and only me for the rest of his life. I would want Him to think Im the most beautiful and sexy woman on the planet.

    It's up to you what you do. Just be warned that if you ask some questions you may not get the answer you want to hear and you need to be prepared for that ans think about what you are going to do if he does tell you he isn't as interested in you anymore.

  5. #5
    sara-pezzini
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    even if you are the most sexy, beautiful woman on earth, no man is going to keep looking at you and only you for the rest of his life and to ask or demand that is unfair.
    it is NOT cheating, in no way, it has to do with your own insecurities really, i am a woman, i am not the prettiest woman, but i know my BF loves me and only me, and if he looks at a other women this is not cheating, come on...he is with me, and only me, but if you keep nagging him about this then that might drive him away...
    it is human nature to look, that's why we have eyes...
    i love my BF more than i have ever loved anyone in my life and i would never cheat on him, but i do notice handsome men, i have eyes you know.....doesn't mean i will act on that, never, to me my BF is the most handsome man on the planet, but being with someone, faithful and love and respect them, doesn't mean you can no longer look at other people..
    i think you are being very insecure and bringing it up will only make it worse, because then he does it in secret, do you want that?
    you need to get over this and realize even if he looks, he is with you because he wants to be with you!

    it's like this, when my BF looks at me i see such overwhelming love in his eyes and when he sees another woman, the look in his eyes is just totally different, one can appreciate someone else's beauty without wanting to act on it or be with them, so this kind of thing would never make me feel bad, and to expect my BF to look at me nad only me for the rest of his life would be weird and kind of awkward as well, his eyes on me all the time......lol
    it all comes down to love for yourself and trust in the relationship.....if there is trust and mutual respect and love, all the rest is just not important,
    but maybe you feel like your Bf doesn't love you as much anymore? are there other signs to suggest that? because just looking at other women is innocent...
    Last edited by sara-pezzini; 05-11-2013 at 04:12 AM.

  6. #6
    Sparklesong
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    You answered your own question, it is what men do. He didn't do it when you first started dating because he was on his "good" behavior as we all do when we are new into a relationship.

    If he's not gawking with his mouth hanging open or making comments like, "My gawd, look at the jugs on that one!!!!" then let him. Men like to look. It's like admiring shiny cars in a showroom or artwork on the walls. It's why cheerleaders are so popular at sporting events. And looking does NOT mean he is losing interest in you. In fact, it probably means he feels comfortable and secure with your love. If he's treating you well otherwise, you need to be mature, stop with the hurt feewings and jealousy and let him be the man that he is. Instead of pouting when he looks away, give him something to look at. You can do discreet things like take the cherry out of your drink and eat it seductively (subtly, of course, you're in public!) while you look into his eyes. Or casually let your finger caress your own cleavage, offhandedy, like you don't even realize you're doing it. You could actually have a lot of fun trying to see what you can innocently do to catch his attention. When you get home, he'll SHOW you what a man he really is. If you pout and complain, he's only going to feel annoyed.

    In fact, the more you make him feel like a man at home, the less likely he will be to lose interest in you. Obviously, you can't be in full make-up and heels 24/7, but don't be in sweats and a hair scrunchie at home all the time, either. Use your imagination and have fun, be someone he wants to look at. And no, don't try to make him jealous by flirting with other guys, that would just be destructive. He is not doing what he's doing to try to hurt you, so don't do it to him.

  7. #7
    spandora
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    "Eye cheating"??? That's a little nutty..i think you better work on your insecurity issues before you try being in a relationship. Guys don't want to be with insecure women, and you're driving yourself crazy over nothing.

  8. #8
    Snny
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    I hate reading how guys are just guys, its natural, accept it. I can't, its like EYE CHEATING and it HURTS. It's not fair I'm told this pain will never go away, I must accept it for the rest of my life. It hurts because like I said this didn't always happen.
    ...
    And no, I don't look at other guys. I look at attractive guys like I do anyone else,
    Ah-ha, a Double Standard here.

    There is no such thing as "cheating" just by looking at a person. Your post screams a lot of insecurity and you are making it into a personal issue. Work on it.

    I also second Sparklesong's suggestions.

  9. #9
    Iggles
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    Quote Originally Posted by DN [Register to see the link]
    You really need to get past this, it's the sort of thing that will destroy a relationship. 'Cats can look at a King' and boys can look at girls. It isn't cheating and it's unwise to so define it.
    Agreed.

    You can ask him to be more discreet, but demanding he doesn't look at another female ever is not realistic and does come accross as insecure/controlling. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you'll never find other people attractive from that point on! But he should keep his thoughts on who is "hot" to himself, and that includes not overtly checking out other girls in your presence.

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